Hello, I’m 31 and have been diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 3c1! I was devastated when I was told this news and cried until I couldn’t see, but after a couple days I felt strong in myself, had a positive attitude and was smiling through pain. Now about 3 weeks later I feel defeated! Even angry, I can’t seem to pick myself up. I want people around me to talk to but then feel irritated when they try?
I feel so confused with my emotions I was wondering if anyone else has felt like this? And how did you manage it?
Hello Tori_Toon
I’m so sorry to hear your diagnosis-it’s always a shock to hear, and I think your emotions are completely normal. I know I can completely identify with them! I was really upbeat and positive when I received my diagnosis, but I found myself swinging between that and being down as time went along. It’s natural-we are scared. Please try not to feel defeated..this is tough treatment and you need to focus on yourself, and how you feel. If you want to cry, do it. Vent and scream if you need to. I told my partner I needed to be selfish through this. Sometimes I wanted to talk, sometimes I wanted to just get under the duvet and curl up and not talk or see anyone.
One big factor in how I was feeling was pain. Times when I was in a lot of pain, I found it harder to cope and feel positive because it just wears you down. So it’s important to make sure that you are getting appropriate pain relief. Don’t be shy about requesting that from your doctor. I’m not sure when your treatment will start, but that helped me to focus..I knew I had to get on with it and it gave me some sense of control. It was hard to go through, but I really did try hard to stay positive and imagine the cancer being blasted from my body during radiotherapy for example. I visualised those invisible rays zapping my tumour into oblivion!
You will feel up and down both physically and mentally as you go along. It’s impossible to feel brave and positive all of the time, and that’s ok. You may find yourself short tempered and irritable, but that’s also normal. You can’t help it, and hopefully those closest to you will do their best to understand. You have to allow yourself to feel how you feel without being judged. xx
It’s a weird feeling, isn’t it? The racing thoughts, but not thinking of anything. Waiting for treatment to start was hard-I remember just wanting to get on with it and the delays and different appointments seemed never ending. It was about 6 weeks for me between diagnosis and treatment starting, 6 weeks of sitting in limbo just waiting. I’m glad you’re finding the pain relief ok, and especially glad you have good support from your husband. You will need that as you go through the treatment. We are scared of the unknown, I know was, but things are rarely as you imagine them to be! I’ve been through chemo and radiotherapy, amongst other things, so if I can help with any tips, advice and support, I’ll do my best! xx
