Partner blames me

Wow big hugs to you and to be honest I feel the same with my partner I feel like he thinks he has to stay with me out of some sort of guilt because I've got cancer.I don't have any close family after losing my mum and my friends are getting on with there own lives, but if anything cancer has shown me just actually how tough I am and if my partner wanted to leave I wouldn't stop him because I know I'm stronger enough (even if I sometimes don't feel it ) to get through this and it's true cancer doesn't discriminate so it's not your fault in any of this we are just very unfortunate that cancer has picked us.You have a 15 year old who needs there mum there and that will keep you going.As for your partner you need to be supported through this and if he can't do that then maybe it's best he does go.You are going to need all your strength to deal with this and not a child like partner who is only thinking of himself.Always here as I'm sure so will alot of other people on this forum if you want to chat.You need to put yourself first now and look after your health and daughter ️️️

Hi radar 

im sorry to hear that your being blamed. I was diagnosed in nov last year stage 2 etc I’ve finished my treatment but just waiting for results of mri to see if it’s gone . I had symptoms for a while but put it down to polyps as I had same symptoms 10 yrs ago . I had let my smears lapse but when I did go I was told I was at age that I didn’t need it ( looking back I should have pushed for it ) . Anyway please don’t let someone blame you , none of ask for cancer . You’ll need all your strength and mental health to get through the treatment . You have your daughter be strong for her . I’m sure she’ll be a great help for you . If your partner walks it’s sad but if he was any kind of partner he would be supporting you . Although some men can’t cope with the word cancer etc and the long road ahead during treatment . You’ll never be alone on this site there are many people whom will encourage and always someone to talk about things and treatment and side effects etc . Also you’ll have an amazing team getting you through this . Please remember it’s doable and more importantly there is help and advice and you’ll never be on your own . Wishing you all the best for you and your daughter . Never be afraid to ask anything there’s a lot of us on here that have had different staged cancer etc . Be strong 

I can only speak from my experience, I'm a single parent (15 and 13 years) and I often wish I had the loving arms of a partner around me and someone to share things with, but in all honesty I do find not having to deal with a partner and what added stress they might bring to the mix, a blessing.

I just make sure I seek support wherever I can (macmillan, a counsellor, dove house etc) and I always feel more supported and love from strangers and new friends then family and old friends (some people are just too close, can't cope, or have old dysfunctional relational patterns maybe). There are many wonderful and lovely people in the world, we just have to find them. 

I'm sure your partner is dealing with things the only way he can, but from you saying it's not been the easiest of relationships, it sound like this is not just them struggling with their feelings about YOU going through this and your child. He's not coping with it and you deserve better. His remarks are cruel and his temper is uncalled for (in my opinion). 

None of this is your fault, some people don't have smears (for whatever reason) and develop cancer, some get smears and still develop cancer, just like with everything. We do what we can, we all have lives that are complex and sometimes these things happen.

I've been diagnosed with advanced cervical cancer and didn't attend my smears for a decade before being diagnosed, this was due to previous trauma. But I refuse to beat myself up for my choices, on top of dealing with my diagnosis. It is what it is and if anyone felt the need to say it was my fault, and to my face... they wouldn't be the type of person I'd want in my life. It's unkind, unnecessary and unhelpful, and tells me the type of person they are. For that to be your partner, I think is appalling.

Be loving and kind to yourself, always! 

A quote that helps me "when we know better, we do better", it's as simple as that. 

I wish you all the best, whatever you do decide to do going forward x

Hi Samaba , Yes, the wait is excruciating.

I never missed a smear test, and in between tests still managed to get diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. I think if it's coming for you then it's coming for you. Your partner is being totally unreasonable and unkind. Like others have said, it will take all your energy getting through treatment without having him making you feel worse. Once you know the stage and planned treatment at least you'll know what's happening. Will this calm your partner down, once he knows a way forward?

I have always found the specialist nurses to be very helpful and supportive. Find out if there are any cancer support groups in your area. I am lucky to have a ladies only cancer support group near me run by Cancer Support Yorkshire. Also, I attended a hospital in Leeds for some of my treatment where there was a Maggie's centre. I didn't really ever use it, but I know people who have and they say it's an amazing place for support. 

I have amazed myself at the things I've gone through (and am continuing to go through) during treatment. Yes, it has been made easier having family close by, but I do also think that it's yourself that has to actually get you through it. Your determination, grit, resilience. I hope your daughter will be a great support to you.

Sending love

Mary x