So I just got back from my pre op altho I still dont have a date yet but prob early Jan. I saw the anaesthetist who was nice enough but was talking really fast as though he was rushing through the consultation, he then did a risk assessment on me which i think was meant to be reassuring but wasnt! i was just hoping for someone calm and who would give me confidence tbh, he might not be my anaesthetist on the day anyway. Then a nurse went through everything with me and it all just sounds like such a major surgery-which i already know it is but now i feel like its an even bigger hurdle to get through and i feel so scared because so many things can go wrong! i thought hysto was my preferred option but now it feels like its going to be such a trauma to my mind and body and i might still have to go through radiotherapy if pathology isnt clear! please tell me this is normal and most people feel like this! i will never forgivr myself for missing that one smear test because now i have to go through all this and worry about cancer the rest of my life!! sorry gor the rant but am really struggling today
Hi Seffie
It’s a pity you didn’t feel reassured by your pre op but you always need to be told of POTENTIAL risks etc so that you can give informed consent. I’ve had 4 pre ops myself for all my surgeries, some more major ops than a hysterectomy but I knew they had to be done so I just put my trust in the team and told myself I had to go through with it. All of my lists of risks for all the surgeries I’ve had have been a scary read, but they are very rare and I’ve been fine every time with no complications from any of them.
The hope is that you won’t need any further treatment of course, but if you do then it’s a case of head down and get on with it I think. For me, certainly, the priority was getting rid of the cancer and that was more important to me than anything else.
Yes, it’s major surgery to go through a hysterectomy, but the surgeons are doing this day in and day out and are very skilled at what they do. Typically after surgery you will be able to get up and move about fairly soon and if you have any pain it will be well controlled. Are you having it done laparoscopically or with an abdominal incision? When I went for my hysterectomy it was an abdominal incision and I had 25 staples. Laparoscopic is easier and quicker to recover from and I was nervous about the staples! However, it didn’t hurt to get them taken out so my fears were unfounded! I was in hospital for 2 nights, and just had a catheter on the first day and then it was removed. A pillow for your tummy for the drive home was useful-we have a lot of speedbumps in my street, so with being opened up abdominally, it was good to have the pillow over my tummy in the car.
Constipation can be an issue for some and it was for me-the bowel doesn’t like being moved about. I did end up taking some stool softeners, and I found it helpful to have my feet on a small stool going to the loo-it’s a more natural position and avoids straining.
Please don’t beat yourself up for missing a smear test-it happens- and even if you’d never missed a test you could still have had cervical cancer. I’ve been through cervical cancer twice, had a lot of treatment and massive surgery but I don’t spend my life worrying about cancer. I hope that after you’ve been through your surgery you will find things easier to deal with and that you’ll find the worry recedes as time goes on.
There are lots of other ladies who’ve been through the surgery and hopefully they can help reassure you too. Good luck!
Sarah xx
Seffie I’ve had more pity parties in the last 6 years than you could even count! I never thought I was particularly strong before cancer, but from the day of my diagnosis I was both pragmatic and determined. I didn’t cry-just said what are you going to do?
It’s so very natural to have all sorts of emotions and be very much up and down. Don’t worry about that-we are human, scared, and very vulnerable. Funnily enough, I had a really difficult time in 2016 when I lost my mum and twin sister exactly 6 months apart-that nearly floored me, and then I was diagnosed with cancer in 2018. I thought things couldn’t get any worse, but they did, but I still coped because I had to. I found some inner strength inside that I didn’t even know I had and it saw me through, despite the pity parties from time to time!
I know you’re scared, and I completely get that-we are all scared at times, and it’s ok. I miss my old life, but I have to get on with the one I’ve got and I’m honestly very grateful for it. I hope you will be too when you get past this, and there’s every reason that you will.
I’m writing this on the terrace of my hotel in Lanzarote-my 4th visit this year, there is life after cancer and even if it’s different it still can be very good! Hold onto the fact that you can get through this and come out the other side-and then you can move on. It’s a tough time in your life, but a very small part of it overall, and it can get better.
Sarah xx
You’ve gone through a lot Seffie and those losses are very hard, never mind having a cancer diagnosis on top. I’m so sorry to read about your dad and brother- sometimes life just seems cruel and unfair and I really do get that. Sometimes I feel quite overwhelmed by things no matter how much I try to think positively, and I do have counselling which I’m finding helpful.
Even though my counselling is via the nhs, I’ve been able to discuss with my therapist all the failings I’ve had in the past two years or more with my care, lack of aftercare, and dreadful treatment at my gp surgery and there has been no judgement-only helpful suggestions of how to cope, and practical advice on moving forward. It’s been good for me to rant away and even cry about it all because sometimes I can feel very hard done by!
You have done so well to get yourself in a better place before, and you can do it again, but it’s just very hard for you right now. Yes, your mindset going forward will help, but allow yourself time to process everything and come to terms with it all. You’ve proved your resilience before and you can find that again.
Sarah xx
Oh believe me Seffie I frequently feel sorry for myself but I try not to live in that headspace for long as it’s too depressing! A good cry-usually for me it’s about the frustrations of my life in terms of what I can no longer do-is usually enough to get rid of those feelings and try and concentrate on what I CAN do.
Obviously my life is so very different now it can be hard, and I do think it’s ok to grieve for the life I had before. Living with 2 stomas is generally fine, but if I’m having a particularly troublesome day on my own managing any issues they are causing with leaks or explosions it can be tough! I only have one pair of hands after all.
My counsellor has been really good in reminding me what I’ve been through and how I’ve coped with everything and I always feel better after our chats. You too need to keep reminding yourself that you can do this, and you can move on from this. Not long now until your surgery, and you will be through that part and be able to get on with recovery and healing, both mental and physical.
Sarah xx
