Mum secondary breast cancer and fed up

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My mum was diagnosed in July with secondary breast cancer, 3 years after having mastectomy, reconstruction, chemo and radio.

She is now on week 6 of a 6 month course of chemo, at the beginning she was so sick it was so hard to see.

in recent weeks she hasn’t been as sick but her mood is at an all time low, she said to me today it’s a waste of time her being here(it’s absolutely not!)

i just don’t know how to help, my dad is there everyday but I don’t think he really understands , he thinks if she isn’t sick she’s fine but I can see her getting more and more down, she doesn’t really leave the house and doesn’t want to interact with anyone, I understand why she is so down and I have suggested macmillan help, chat groups similar to this but she doesn’t want to know.

Not sure if anyone will have any advice.

  • I have no advice but I want to reassure you you are not alone,  I'm having the same difficulties and I'm pulling my hair out. 

    10 weeks ago my mum.had a pancreatic cancer diagnosis inoperable. Mum's a fighter and wants to try chemo but as time is passing she feels like she's been left to die. Personally I do not feel supported by any professional as in the last week she has withdrawn and not herself and struggling to get clarification of what's normal or not.

    It hard

  • I am so sorry to hear this, it really is so hard.

    I can relate to what you say when you mention your mum feels she has been left to die.
    i hope she can start some sort of treatment soon and responds well to it. 
    she will be glad to have you by her side.

  • Oh that is so tough for you, and heart breaking for your mum. It sounds like she really does need to interact will fellow 2nds. It really helps to talk with others in the same position.
    I've just joined a fantastic FBk group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/2ndstogether) and the support there is amazing. 

  • It is hard to keep going if you feel I’ll.  hopefully the side effects will lessen.  When I was first diagnosed I was a mess but gradually was able to cope.  I am in touch with a support group which I find very good and it helps to know that I am not alone.  There are so many drugs out there that can be tried and i console myself with the fact that if one doesn’t work another will be tried.  Also many ladies live with secondary breast cancer for years so we mustn’t give up.  Hugs to you and your mumxx

  • Thank you for your comments, I will try to encourage my mum to join this group, i think it would do her the world of good to speak to people in her situation, she just seems very resistant to it at the moment.

    I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey with 2nds.

  • Thank you for your positivity, i will pass this onto my mum.

    It is early days and hopefully as you say the side effects will lesson and she will be able to live some sort of life again.

    I wish you the very best in your journey .