Newly diagnosed- 35, two kids, terrified

I'm having some really nice positive moments and then it comes crashing down an hour later, its still very much up and down but I am trying for the whole to be positive. I really wasn't expecting full mastectomy, just get the lumps out, maybe buzz me with some radio and be done.

They have mentioned radio, but more subject to lymph node condition and hormone treatment could start as early as Monday, I have an appointment at midday with the surgeon. I suspect here we'll get a date too, they did say on Thursday it'll be within 3 weeks.

I'm finding exactly the same with everyone around me super sad and having to be the one acting strong and holding it together, which keeps me occupied but is quite exhausting. My friends and family greet me differently too, they do this weird head bop to the side and doe eyes like I'm delicate and squeeze me really tight. All of this.... genuinely... is the sweetest thing BUT it becomes quite annoying after a few days.

I've woke up in a foul mood so maybe this post reflects being a bit aggy today, I really should be more grateful that people even care to give me that extra squeeze.

I think staying at your mums for that real respite for a couple of days is a great idea, the kids will be fine and you need those few days at the very beginning to start the healing process well.

I too work from home 60% of the time, and I could easily log on and type up a few emails etc but I am going to take a full month off, and stick to it. My role is quite stressful, I have responsibilities in a start up business so it's very fast paced too. They've been so so great, really supportive and we have an insurance policy that pays 75% of your salary in the event of sickness over 2 weeks. I'm going to use it, it's available and this is life changing stuff. I've been thinking do I want this rat race anymore? I've worked full time since I was 15, and worked my way up. I'm proud of what I've achieved, but I missed things with the kids chasing the title and the salary... for what? To have something cruel snatch it away.

I am looking at working only part time from the new year, I need to focus on me and the family.

The biopsies are so horrid, I remember the puncture wounds and bruising took nearly 2 weeks to heal. When they sent me in for a mammogram and squished them into those plates... after the biopsies and I was bleeding everywhere... aarrgghhh so undignified. But I'm really glad they're double checking and being super thorough with you, this is positive. I'd rather that then they miss anything, but still brutal to go through.

Thoughts are with you for next Thursday, my consultant has the same rota! He investigates Tuesdays, and gives results Thursdays. Focus on doing nice things from now until then, you'll have a good plan of action in place x

Here if you need to offload. It's refreshing getting the silly niggly thoughts out, ones that I wouldn't necessarily share with close friends/family. This space is excellent for mental health during this process x

Hi ElBread I entirely agree with you about work needs to take a back burner and ditch work worries.  I also agree with you about return to part time work only. I am currently off sick since my diagnosis in July up until March next year.  That makes it 8 months .  My body and my mental mind needs a break from work. My job is way too stressful a global job.  I was already suffering severe menopause pre cancer diagnosis and anxiety at work.  I had emergency hysteroscopy before my cancer was discovered in Nov 2021 to remove polyp from uterus (cancer scare yes as thickning of lining of womb and mother passed away uterus cancer 20 years ago early 60s but thankfully benign )  and I had 7 weeks off then due to menopause. So I have to  make sure I only return back when ready and I certainly have no intention going back to my full time stressful work life - part time is what I have in mind. Cancer has changed me big time and work is less important although helps financially I dont want to get stressed mentally. Health, mental well being , enjoying life, and family are more important and I discovered that through my cancer journey.

I read that 40% of cancer patients returning back to work said they were not the same working ability wise. A study also confirmed that 60% of all  cancer patients returned back to work between 12 to 18 months.

In saying the above I fully appreciate we are all different and individuals when it comes to return to work after cancer. Some need to return back to work quickly for a sense of normality.  Others have no choice financially.  They will not survive and they have no other option.  

I had a bad day too a few days ago.   As I am currently having chemo and Herceptin with neuropathy effects and weakness and other side effects , I had things going wrong for me this week away from cancer which stressed me and provoked my negative thoughts about having cancer as well but then I snapped out after having my counsellor appointment Thursday morning and off loading it to her.  I had to ask her if it was OK to get irritable with people if they upset you or say something wrong and I was told it was perfectly OK because I  am  going through big cancer journey and unsupported people is last  I need.

I fully understand you about the biopsy being awful. For me I was horrified when I had to have the guided wire inserted a day before my surgery under local by the radiologist consultant.  I dont think he put enough local in me and it hurt me when he touched the tumour site to place the wire but only for a few seconds thank God.  And it was awful having the mammagram again straight after to see the wire was positioned correctly because my dressing opened and I could see blood marks and the wire but still had to press against the mammagram.   Another thing which I found awful was that I did not have my radioactive dye injection in my breast for the lymph nodes whilst in theatre asleep but in my room just shortly before I had op and was waiting to go down to theatre for my turn.  I have a phobia with needles and felt the experience awful .  But like you say  I just put up with it all thinking this is all needed for my fight for life and you get prodded so much you just get used to it and just hand over your body as you are very much at the Drs / nurses  mercy.

Sorry for going on. It helped me let off my emotions too. I dont think any one who does not have cancer really understand and they make you feel bad because when you tell them they get a traumatised reaction  and go quiet or something.  I also find people keep away and dont text you how you doing and I have to make the move.  May be they dont know what to say or want to give you space whilst you have treatment. But only a handful of my closest friends will keep regular contact. You know who is there for you!

I am generally very positive throughout this cancer journey and enough people have commented on my strength and positivity including my medical team.  But its ok to have some down days in the cancer journey because its all part of the healing process just like grief.

I wish you all the best and send you my hugs. Thinking of you.

How are you feeling today? I'm the same,, some days really positive and thinking I've got this, other days in a foul mood and just want to hide away! 

I'm trying to do all the things in the next couple of weeks that I might not be able to do when treatment starts. Yesterday we did soft play, the park, and lunch out. Today I'm taking the girls to the cinema and a treat. I'm hoping next weekend to do pumpkin picking and swimming. It dawned on me yesterday thst I probably won't feel comfortable in a bikini for a while depending on the op and treatment. That made me sad. 

I totally understand what you mean about work. I moved jobs in Jan to a business that is fully remote. I had a promotion and officially started on the day of my diagnosis. One way to make an entrance! Although the role is better in my new business, I had to move to 5 days. I always worked 4 in my old job. I'm thinking that I will ask to drop down again as like you, I feel that I miss so much. Will you need to move job or do you think they will accommodate you?

I agree, this site is great to get all those thoughts out. I've sent you a friend request. Please feel free to drop me a message anytime.

Thinking of you tomorrow and hope your appointment goes well x

I felt rubbish earlier, but better now. I've had to stop taking the pill for obvious reasons, and yet I haven't actually come on yet, just all the cramping and headaches. I think the stress of everything is why my body won't fully submit to actually having a period, I want to curl into a ball with a hot water bottle.

I've been doing the same with the kids, we have had such a busy weekend and I've got a ballet production to attend in an hour with my daughter too. I'm knackered!!! I think we might be doing too much and over compensating for the weeks we know we'll be out.

Have you heard of or discussed with your consultant the oncotype dx test? I learnt about this today, there is only certain criteria for testing so it may not apply, but if it does, your cells are tested to see probability of recurrence within 10years and can shape your treatment post surgery. I'm going to ask and find out more tomorrow. 

Timing is never good, under any circumstances but I'm glad your work are being supportive. I think they will allow me to move to 3days, and if they don't... I'll find somewhere that does, with no stress or worry because it's the right thing for me. That's all I'm thinking about now, I have previously focused so much on others, I lost sight of what is important. My health and that of my family comes first now, I'll work out my working hours in the new year.

I'll let you know how I get on, have a great Sunday evening. Get the kids to bed, grab a bug mug of tea and a whole packet of biscuits to dunk ! X 

I'm glad you are feeling better this afternoon. It's such a roller-coaster of emotions isn't it! I watched Lyle Lyle Crocodile this afternoon at the cinema. It's not remotely sad but I found myself crying for no reason! 

 Rubbish to hear about your period. Stress does very strange things to our bodies. I was due on the day of diagnosis and started that morning... But the following 3 days it was like my body wouldn't let go so didn't fully start meaning a full 10 days of period hell. I totally sympathise! I hope you are going to get some chill out time after the ballet and the start of the week? 

No, I haven't spoken to anyone about any further tests really. I've only met the surgeon twice. Once for the original consultation and once on diagnosis. I have an appointment next Monday that was booked incase I wanted a face to face meeting. Are you considering having the test if you qualify?

I hope your work will accommodate you. I had a life changing experience about 8 years ago where I nearly died and it really changed my outlook. I didn't have children then though so this time, my thoughts have changed about the quality time I have at home. Fortunately, my new job is far more flexible than my last one and I don't have to deal with many external clients so it's much easier to manage! 

Same to you tonight, get a brew and stick something good on TV. I have you in my thoughts tomorrow x

The mother of all periods started this morning. I was on the mini pill with no break for 4years, I suspect with my diagnosis being hormone receptive, this may have played a small part in developing cancer but lots of things can trigger it I suppose. How expensive are sanitary items now?! I'm going to head to Aldi I think and stock up.

Safe to say I'll be curled up with a hot water bottle and a blanket this morning. I'm with the surgeon at midday to talk through the date and plans.

Your story sounds so very similar to mine, those life changing experiences really make you sit back and put things into perspective. Having kids after the event makes you grateful but you get thrown straight back in to the rat race of work, kids, admin at home, trying to find time for self care... and round again with guilt at every turn.

I'll let you know how I get on this afternoon and what they say about that oncotype thing x

Moon cups and washable sanitary pads are the future! I thought the same after having my son and then breast feeding for 18 months. The price seemed to have gone up hugely in the 2 years I didn't need sanitary products! I have to say, a moon cup is a game changer!

I agree, it's a constant cycle of looking after everyone else and not spending any time on ourselves. My children are wonderful and I love spending time with them. I think I've realised that I need a bit of me time though to think and reflect, especially since my diagnosis.

Let me know how you have got on. I hope it's positive news x

Haven’t had a period in years and all I recall are tampons snd sanitary napkins.  Actually the first pad I wore had to be held in place with an elastic belt and pins!!!  Boy that was a long time ago.

Barbara

Oh wow! How things change!

In the last few years, there's been a huge shift in sanitary wear due to the enviroemtal impact, but also cost. I was shocked at how much tampons had gone up in price over a couple of years! I bought a mooncuo for about £15 and some washable sanitary towel just to pop in incase of leaks and in the 6 months that my periods returned, they have paid for themselves! 

There's a lot of people moving to period pants now too, especially young girls. I'm not sure I'll know where to start when my girls get older as my experience was so different! 

I hope your appointment went will ELBreadELBread.

Xx

Oh Barbara, I might need to join you with some elastic belt and pins This period has hit me with a vengeance, I'll almost be glad of the hormone therapy to put my ovaries to sleep!!