New and waiting

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I'm new and only just slowly joining things because it's been a emotional rollercoaster. That I have really struggled. I have amazing network of friends, family around me and my partner who had been amazing.

HOWEVER, I still feel alone in this journey and constantly thinking. I get messages from friends and even sometimes they are overwhelming too. I discover a pain and small lump in right breast on boxing day 2023, went to drs next day, had consultant.appt and scan, then they took 3 biopsies. Results.came.back after 3 weeks it was carcinoma but small and got early.

I had surgery on 12th Feb, lumpectomy and 3 lymph nodes removed. Results again 4 weeks later and lumpectomy was successful with good clearance. However in the lypm nodes 2 of 3 were cancerous. I then had to have surgery on 26th March for full axillary nodes. Painfully recovered , had seroma as well then cording.....

Results were 5 weeks after one appt cancelled as was not back in time for appt. Last Friday I had appt and got news they had taken all my lymph nodes, 19 of them and 7 were cancerous. I do have a tiny lump appeared in armpit and consultant has checked and said wasn't worried. It could be like a scar tissue formed in healing. But said I need a CT scan now to check rest of body. The scan will tell us what it is when done.

Another 2 weeks at least wait for appt, and referral made for oncologist for chemo then radiotherapy along with hormone suppressed tablets. The wait is killing me to be honest... I'm so scared and trying so hard to keep positive.

People find it easy to say keep strong keep positive but when I wake up every day its there the thought, the wait and thinking what is going to happen. Even the dr say you will be ok don't be scared but hard not too.

I'm not working, doing thing at home now I'm 6 weeks post op I can do more, even though underarm is not totally pain free.

I still struggle and anxiety is the biggest problem for me. Affecting my life, relationships and just want to get on with treatment so I can get back to the happy place o found eventually after so long of unhappiness. I struggle to concentrate and thinking what do I need to do or must do...

I have counselling booked, only had 1 and the next one is soon. I'm planning and continuing healthy eating and drinking.

Dreading chemo, my biggest fear was that I needed this and now I'm not sure I'm still processing it. I live alone and worried i won't cope.

Sorry, long post but that felt good to get it out, I haven't hidden my diagnosis and honestly scared right now that the scan will bring more bad news ...... plus its the unknown......

Saund 6 months ago

Hey

im sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I had similar to you lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy , had my results no more surgery but waiting on results from America where they score it to see if I’ll benefit from chemo . It’s constantly on my mind so I get how you’re feeling xx it’s the waiting that is so hard .
you’ve done the right thing by reaching out here . The support is second to none and no questions are silly ones . There should be a local support group in your area that may help and it’s good your getting help with counselling . We are all here so don’t hesitate to message .

what part of the country do you live in ? There may be others on here who could meet up for a chat and support .
take care love and hugs your way

Rach xx

Misty24 6 months ago in reply to Saund

I'm in Kent area

Thank you and yes reaching out does help....

Coddfish 6 months ago

It’s horrible when every step seems to deliver more complications and the potential for more bad news. I know this as someone who is metastatic and has had various complications from treatment. In my darkest phase I found a course on mindfulness helped enormously. I had been tempted to dismiss it as ‘woo’, but it was a set of helpful techniques to help you park the unknowns and the regrets, and stay in the present. Hoping you can find a way to manage your fears - they are an absolutely normal reaction to what you are going through.

Misty24 6 months ago in reply to Coddfish

Thank you

Just having messages like this helps so much.....

Taking a day at time and hope I don't have to wait to long for appts

Keeping busy with some things but others things also feel too much.. finding that balance is trickier.

Boo boo 6 months ago

Hi I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis I had a bilateral masectomy 4 wks and a senital node biopsy had a ct and mri scan last wk and the results came back that it hadn't spread but I still have to undergo treatment or radiotherapy hormone therapy and high chance of chemo most of which are a preventative measure. I totally understand the waiting inbetween is absolutely awful and sometimes I felt like i was just wandering around not knowing what to do with myself and anxiety reached levels I didn't no I had and the having chemo terrifies me but remember u are not alone and rant away as it always helps

Photogirl 6 months ago in reply to Boo boo

Your journey sounds just like mine, my mastectomy was 3 weeks ago and I am feeling fine now but waiting to see if I need chemo as well as radiotherapy. They have sent a sample to America so it will be another 3 weeks to hear. As you say the waiting is agony. Everyone keeps congratulating me for doing so well, no idea what is going on in my head! Trying to live life as usual but it is very hard. Thinking of you.x

Misty24 6 months ago in reply to Photogirl

Thank you

Its mind blowing every single day and lots of anxiety.

I ended up waiting 5 weeks for my results. So I really do hope yours is quicker.

CT scan is also tomcheck what type of chemo I need ... but another 2 to 4 weeks before I know..... then treatment to start after that I hope that doesn't take so long as for every week of waiting to recurrence risk is higher. So I'm anxious as I have been ongoing now since 26/12/24.....

Sending you warm hugs to get you through the wait

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