New diagnosis

Hi Becs so very sorry about your diagnosis. It’s like your world changes overnight isn’t it? I too was diagnosed recently(September) and struggled with the decision of telling my 2 kids who are 19 and 11. In the end I decided wait until I have lots of information about what I was dealing with and the treatment plan. However when did tell them eventually, they revealed to me that they had a feeling something was not right. The younger one asked lots of questions and was able to answer most of them. The older one turned to the internet for answers and I just just encouraged her to visit nhs website and recommended good cancer related sites which she did. What telling them meant was that I did not have to sneak around when talking to friends and family as I had done on the beginning. It also meant I didn’t have to pretend to be ok around them when I wasn’t and we could also talk about our worries as a family unit. I also informed the school about my diagnosis to ensure that my daughter’s wellbeing was priority and that she got appropriate support as needed. Thankfully she is managing well and getting on with life which is a huge thing for me. 

I hope sharing my experience helps. Best wishes 

I am so sorry for your diagnosis! Have you started treatment? And I hope you're feeling as well as you possibly can! Im glad that your daughters have taken it okay, and I do think as long as you can talk open and encourage them to talk they will be fine! 

I had my tests done the Friday before Christmas so things have been quite delayed with me getting results etc, just waiting on the receptors to see what treatment I'll be having first! Im definitely going to tell her Im unwell, however unsure if I should tell her it's cancer as she relates that to death, my auntie recently found out she was terminal. I'll also speak with her school that's a great idea! 

Thank you so much for your reply! And good luck on this awful journey xx 

Hi Becs sorry to hear about your diagnosis, it's pretty shit isn't it. I was diagnosed in November 23 and that was one of first things that ran through my mind was how do I tell my 13 year old son (and the rest of my family). My first totally irrational thought was not to tell anyone....I have had some really irrational and strange thoughts since diagnosis, which luckily I have managed to ignore.

I did tell my son, which is one of the most heart breaking things I have had to do. It's is the word cancer that my son struggled with the most. He thought it meant I was going to die imminently. I used lots of positive words, explained my diagnosis simply and that it was treatable.  I asked him not to use Google but if he had any questions or he wasn't sure about anything to ask me. If he was worried and he didn't want to talk to me he could talk to his stepdad and wider family. 

I also informed school who have been brilliant in supporting my son.

I agree with Ruva that it did mean I could openly talk about it to family and friends without having to sneak around and didn't have to constantly watch what I was saying.

My son has adjusted well after the initial shock. I tell him when I have appointments and what they are for in language he understands so he does not worry where I'm going.

Hope this helps, but do what you feel is best. 

Good Luck with Everything 

I'm also so sorry for your diagnosis! I'm glad that you have managed to work through the irrational thoughts and told your family as I can imagine they are an amazing support! 

Although we know they will be shocked at first it's also very important they are part of the journey, they will see us bad but they will also see us beating the awful thing! I feel fortunate that I have a really good support system, my little girl also has a step-mam that she's very close with and I think we are going to work together telling her. 

I was reluctant to join this group as I'm still in denial that this is happening to me, but I'm so glad I have as I have a good feeling about the support and comfort we can all bring each other xx

I’m sure when the time comes you will find a way to explain to her. When I told my 11 year old I told her I had a lump in my breast that needs to be removed. I kind of avoided the word cancer for a while, surprisingly she did eventually ask if it was cancer and I said yes. She very matter of fact asked why I had said so in the first place! So whilst I was worried about how they would take the news, I am grateful that it worked out ok in the end.

 I had surgery in November and had to have a re excision 2 weeks ago as they didn’t get it all the first time. I’ve just been told on the phone that all went well and they got the rest of the cancer out. Lymph nodes were clear so onward treatment is radio therapy and medication.

Hope all goes well for you today.

Best wishes 

I'm so glad that you got good results! And good luck with your treatment! 

my CT scan went okay today I'm expecting the results from that on Tuesday, then more tests on Tuesday! My auntie is currently going through breast cancer, so we are going to do the journey together! Xx

I told my children 3 days after I got the diagnosis confirmed and was having mastectomy 4 days after telling them. They're 15 and 12. Very upset and kept asking 'how bad is it?' - just said no cancer is ever good but they are treating me so we just have to trust the hospital team. Informed the school before I told them to be able to keep an eye. Informed on a Sunday morning. Hell of 2 hours afterwards, but then we made lunch together and went out for the afternoon. Children do just carry on somehow and it helped that they had school next day so just went and carried on. My son was on his mock exams- but had to tell him. We've kept routine as usual as possible, I explain whats needed or when they ask. It has been better for me since telling them. The guilt of what I was inflicting on their lives was terrible- it still hits me daily at some point but it isnt all consuming as it was before telling them. I just said, ive been to the doctor and they found a lump which i shpuldnt have and I went to the hospital and the doctor there has said its breast cancer. And I just let it sit. They cried. I said the doctors want to treat me and its going to be hard, they'll remove my cancer and give me chemo. They hope that they can make me better but it will be difficult for all of us over the next year. Let it sit. They cried a lot, I cried, my husband cried, we just sat there and I repeated the doctors are doing everything to treat it. And a lot of I dont know to questions - because I didnt have the answers.  

My heart goes out to you. I was diagosed officially Nov 30th, so its all very raw and Im back in having lymph node clearance tomorrow. It didnt show on the scan but did on the biopsy. That was is an extra bump on the cancer road to face. They see me upset and do have a cry with me, but only a few times during this last month. 

Hope that helps somehow x

I'm so sorry to also hear about your diagnosis! But I'm glad that your children have reacted well, and also sounds like they are letting their emotions out too. I suppose there will never be a right way to tell them, I'm pretty sure my girl will take it okay just finding the words to tell her! 

Oh that's devastating that you have to go back in, more emotions that are not needed but I'm sure you will be okay, and the best of luck for tomorrow! 
I will hopefully have my CT scan results tomorrow, then more biopsies on my lymph nodes on Tuesday! Xx

Hi hun, please do ask your breast care nurse to give you the kids book, I was given a book for my 8 year old called mummy’s  lump. A very simple child friendly book that explains it all. My 1year old loves looking at it. Xx