Struggling with Mums very recent diagnosis

Oh Zoe….

my heart goes out to you….

firstly I must write that your mum has one incredible daughter who is full of love and I pray you are full of hope too…

well I am no expert ( I was diagnosed last Thursday ! I’m still j  shock:(

However I do think there are a few things to maybe take in to consideration.

I'm thinking you might be close to your mum? If you can try to spend as much time with her as possible .

Maybe go with her to appointments if possible.

without overwhelming her maybe try to find out what you can from her doctor by going with her to appointments. By doing this you’ll be able to find out what she needs to feel comfortable…. Maybe knowing how her medication affects her so you can make her comfortable… you know…

she may or not want to talk about things.. and it doesn’t just have to be about the illness.

try to take it one day at a time…

your kind of learning about her all over again if that makes sense.

but if you love doing things together… be there for her, whether she is laughing or crying, just hug her, hold her hand… 

ageing it’s one day at a time, don’t blame yourself if you don’t know what to do, you’re learning…

but again try if you can to create memories, videos, voice recordings, photographs and those precious things that are thoughts in your mind that you will always have…

Be it activities, food, 

no matter what is ahead, one of the most treasured & powerful things when it comes to family are ‘memories’ 

i won’t write anything else now as I don’t want to overwhelm you.

but if you don’t mind me asking, do you believe God? In Christ? He is the one person you can ask absolutely anything! You may not get an answer in the way you want or expect, but I can asure you he knows everything, and will always be there when you call…

Please feel free to drop me a line or ask anything , any time.. 

take care Zoe

christina xx 

Hello Zoe978 

Sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis.  It's a frightening time when you hear the word cancer isn't it?  However, hopefully I can offer a little reassurance for both you and your Mum.

It sounds by what you are saying that as she 'maybe need radiotherapy' that she has oestrogen positive cancer.  I had an invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC instead of ILC), but oestrogen postive (ER+)  knowing all these shortened versions helps as you'll hear /read them and wonder what they all are.  Again as it's maybe radiotherapy, then it's likely that she is HER2- (HER2 negative) which is good news as a HER2+ (positive) automatically means chemo.

With ER+ treatment is often radiotherapy and tablets for 5 years (or longer for younger people  - I was diagnosed at 51 and had 5 years of the tablets).  The tablets can be anastrozole or letrozole (younger people who haven't been through the menopause have tamoxifen).  These tablets reduce the amount of oestrogen being produced by the body as this is what has 'fired' the cancer.  

The lumpectomy or 'wide local excision' (WLE) as it's also called by the surgeons cuts out the cancer and they will also likely remove her sentinel lymph nodes on that side too.  The number of sentinel lymph nodes is dependent on each individual's body. The will check that there are no stray cells in there.  It sounds as if they are pretty positive that it is early stages for her as they are just saying radio., so again that is good news.  She will be given exercises after her lumpectomy and it's vital she does these - they make a huge difference to movement as it's not just like a broken bone which heals in 6 weeks.  I found I took a whole year before I was able to comfortably use that arm to lift heavy things without it hurting. (I had 80mm removed as I had 54mm of pre cancerous cells removed as well). So it depends on the size of her ILC how it will effect her. Tell her not to overdo the exercises, but that they are a must per the booklet she'll be given.

Radiotherapy is actually ok, it's just there to mop up any potential stray cells that they haven't cut out, as a 'belts and braces' treatment.  I had a bit of radio. burns but nothing that bad.  I used a gel (aloe vera gel from Holland and Barrett is perfect) for moisturising during radiotherapy treatment. Gel, rather than cream.   I had 15 sessions over 3 weeks, but now they tend to also do high power sessions with less visits. Moisturising and drinking plenty of fluids are the key to radiotherapy.  I went at the same time as 3 other ladies.  2 of us drank a lot (get her to drink a lot more than your Mum would normally drink!) and 2 ladies didn't.  The other 2 suffered really badly with fatigue, whereas the 2 of us who drank loads didn't suffer with fatigue at all.  In fact, my other half and I were going away at weekend's as mini holidays whilst I was on treatment as a treat, which was actually doing more than usual and I was comfortably driving myself the 60 miles there and back each day. 

The tablets can have all sorts of side effects due to the oestrogen being removed from the body.  However, there will be a lot of posts from people suffering those side effects (aching joints, hot flushes - menopause symptoms etc), but not posts from people who have been fine on them.  I am one of those, I nearly didn't take them due to reading all the horrendous side effects - but decided to test them out and I was perfectly ok.  

I finished my 5 years of tablets in June this year, so have been cancer free for well over 5 years. 

Initially, I recall being petrified of it coming back, but now, I barely think about having cancer and I won't have another mammogram for another 2 1/2 years as I'm being treated just as 'normal'.

Try not to worry too much - as although it's shocking, breast cancer is one of the most prolific forms of cancer and, because of that, one of the most treatable.  Treatment comes on in leaps and bounds all the time.  As I mentioned about radiotherapy, that's one advancement.  Also, lots of ladies have an ONCO type DX test now (testing for whether it's likely to recur) which wasn't around much at all when I was diagnosed - I didn't have it and that's just in the last 5 years.

I hope this helps a little.

Kindest wishes, Lesley

Lesley...that was a REALLY helpful post for me too at the early stage of wot u r describing. VERY handy tips. Thank you xx

Hi Zoe. Sounds like you and your mum are very close. I wish you both the strength you need to get through this.

I'm at a similar stage to your mum and will be telling my only child this weekend when he gets back from uni.

Please take on board that they have really come a long way in treating cancer successfully and have so many tests available to predict all sorts. I would defo ask your mum if you could go with her. Not just for support, but to listen and ask questions. If my husband didn't come with me I know I would have missed half of what they said and he also asked useful questions that never occurred to me. Being able to talk about it with him helps us both.

Thinking of you both. Take care and try to stay positive. Xx

Zoe, when I first joined this online forum I didn't think I would use it at all - I was going to be a "lurker" and say nothing, but I quickly realised that we can all be a source of strength to each other on here and if my experience helps another person in the tiniest way, I'll type until my fingers drop off, lol! I had a lumpectomy too, and honestly, I was grand afterwards apart from a couple of minor issues which were quickly sorted. There is a great deal of info to process in these early days, so take bite size pieces and pace yourself. I have adult daughters too, and while I don't want to worry them or my lovely husband, I keep them informed re my treatment  erc and we support each other. I make us sound like the Waltons but your mum and yourself will find your way through. 

Hi Zoe978 , lovely replies already from the fine folks here, just wanted to pop in to add my warm welcome to the forum. Ask away, no silly questions here! And how lovely you are to be supporting your mum. Please, though, find support for yourself too. It’s tough going through this ‘secondhand’ so please do look after your own needs. There’s a family and friends area on this forum which you may have found already. This is a great section as it seems to be the busiest - hopefully you’ll never wait too long for a reply. Will also mention Future Dreams in Kings Cross - it’s a lovely place, a charity to support anyone affected by breast cancer - you don’t have to have cancer yourself to access support and activities there. It offers face to face stuff but also online if you’re nowhere near London or just prefer online access. I’ll try to post the link afterwards. 
I had similar cancer and treatment to lesleyhelen , and am still rattling around the site over 5 years since my diagnosis. Lots of positive stories here. 
Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

Hi Lesley, thank you for the radiotherapy hydration tips. My oncotype result showed I will benefit from chemo so that's what I'll be focusing on until April, but knowing that hydration really does help offset fatigue is good news. I'll be ordering bucket loads of aloe vera gel in the Jan sales. Here's to your continued good health

Concur with the positive response from LesleyHelen.  And while I know you will be stressed and worried about your mom, stay strong for her, find things you can do together that you enjoy, keep her occupied when she is feeling energetic enough and help and support when not.  The statistics say that 1 in 2 people get cancer now, so I guess we will all know someone, but hopefully caught sooner rather than later and medication has improved so much.

Thankyou so much for this reply. It’s nice to talk to someone who has been through it especially with such a positive outcome! 
we don’t know her her2 status yet but we have been told that it usually is very low on negative in the type of cancer she has. So we’re keeping our fingers crossed. 
the thing I’m worried about is she hasn’t had an mri yet, she has it in the 19th before surgery on the 29th so I’m worried it’s spread or bigger or in more than one place. Although he said it hasn’t spread, he mentioned due to the size and the fact it is early, and it isn’t in lymph nodes even tho he wants to remove at least one maybe more incase even one cell is in them that isn’t visible on a scan. I just worry this mri will show different cos how can they know just from mammogram, and biopsy all of these things? 

Sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. Glad my thread led to Lesley answering to make us both feel better in this awful situation. Xx