Best friend refusing treatment.

Hi Bevvers, what a difficult situation to be in. It’s a shame your friend is having such a hard time in believing in the medical team that are trying/offering to help her.  
As one knows too well we cannot make people do things they don’t want to, no matter how much we know they might be the best things to do. 
If she is so into having this alternative option it’s possibly best to support her with that. Maybe then she will open up to you more.  Perhaps as time passes on this alternative route if things don’t get any better (I can’t say they will or won’t) maybe your friend may change her mind and she might be more open to give the conventional medicine route a go.
None of us want cancer but medical science has provided us with medicines to help treat the various types of cancer.

The internet provides us with lots of information and we often look to it for help. Whilst for some things it’s great for some things it’s not so great.  

I know if my best friend was like this I would be upset and frustrated at her not choosing the medical route but instead of fighting it I would go along with her wishes. Sometimes we have to try and put ourselves in their shoes and if there was something we were really against would we want to be forced into doing something we didn’t? 

Wishing you and your friend the best on whichever route she’s decides

Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

Thank you for your repy cuffcake, much appreciated. 

I am trying to support her in whatever she chooses, but it's hard when I just want her be here a bit longer & she seems to be letting time slip by & not taking any action either way. 

I hope I never have to be in her shoes, but I'll do all I can to be a good friend while she lets me. 

Thank you again 

I have a friend who had breast cancer 17 yrs ago, had all the treatment and is still here. It took them 1 yr to identify cancer, from her initial presentation. The cancer was right at the back of the breast. She spoke to me about Caron keating who was ill at the same time, she was Gloria Hunnifords daughter. Her husband apparently didn't want her to have a mastectomy. She refused traditional treatment and went the alternative route, she died. I do remember reading about it. 

Your friend and anyone has the right to decide. It's about making an informed choice, but if they are not receptive to advice or the right kind of advice it's not really an informed choice. You cannot persuade her unless she asks for your opinion really. I had a friend like this who was scared of Hospitals. Sadly she died during Covid. Heartbreaking but it's her choice. Things online are not always in our best interests. Everything has bias depending on what is being sold. Maybe seeing her face to face might help her to be open about her fears? 

Hi Sabrina, thanks for your reply. 

Sorry about your friend 

You're right about making informed choices - sadly I don't think my friend is getting the right information, choosing to believe some very questionable sources so how can she make an informed choice! She did the same thing with covid & refused to get vaccinated because of (her words) 'health concerns' but, as with most things, she refuses to go into it.

A face to face may work but it never has in the past & as we live 250 miles apart, I don't know when we'll next be able to see each other. I've asked her if she wants to come & stay with me for a while & she's refused so far. 

I guess I just have to support her & be there if / when she wants to talk but it's very frustrating 

You have done your best. Time to leave it to her, don't let it affect you. I used to work as a health visitor and had to talk to parents whatever their views on vaccination. Some could get really heated about not having them. I had to leave them to it, give as much info as they wanted. I don't understand it as an ex health professional, retired now. I had one baby on my caseload who died from one of the diseases we could vaccinate against. It's a vexed area. Right to choose is what we have. Also the right to make bad decisions. 

Do her family know? Could they help? I'd say that the back pain being just that is a really narrow escape,  but the back pain will likely be stage 4 bone mets within the year.  Breast cancer is really sneaky!  Her cancer isn't early breast cancer anymore,  but it's potentially still (only just) curable. Her options are to do the treatment or die.  My sister refused treatment when her breast cancer came back after 15 years and she died the following year after months of hospice care. There was a lovely lady on here who was stage 1 and took the alternative route.  She's been dead a few years now but could have had a simple operation and still be here. 

Organisations like COC are meant to be in conjunction with traditional treatment.  The woman who wrote 'How to Starve Cancer' had surgery and chemotherapy,  and was the inspiration for these clinics. It must be really frustrating for you to see your friend in denial:( xxx

I agree, fear maybe has her in freeze frame but you are right. It's a hard thing to say to someone but I'm sure someone must have said it. If not they need to be held to account. 

Hi Londonmumof2, thanks for your reply & apologies for my late response.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister 

To answer your question, her mother knows that she was diagnosed 5 years ago but she hasn't updated her yet. The reason being that her mother is extremely religious & all you get is 'God will save you' & 'I'll pray for you'. She's so entrenched in her church work that she rarely gives anything else the time of day & everything is ruled by what her neighbours, church & the bible thinks - so my friend doesn't really want or need her input. 

I was very concerned about the back pain as I've read up on where & how breast cancer spreads & thought it'd gone to her spine already! I assume her GP also thought this as he got her bone scans done very quickly indeed. I was relieved that it was just a muscle issue but I know it's just a matter of time...it is hugely frustrating 

Wow- I didn’t know that about Caron keating. I always wonder if kirstie alley and Kelly Preston refused chemo because of Scientology but it never really says if they had it. Each to their own,  but it’s so sad when there is a potentially curative option there. 

I was reading about Shannon Doherty the other day also. She was diagnosed March 2015 and chose to just ‘try’ hormone therapy and avoid chemo, surgery until august 2016 by which time it had spresd through her lymph nodes. She did the treatment at that point but it was stage 4 by 2020. I just think leaving a mass there, constantly mutating and spreading is a very dangerous decision. I hope your friend reconsiders and at least had surgery x