Hello from befuddled

I feel like I've been on the weirdest rollercoaster and actually don't really know from one minute to the next how I'm feeling.

I was diagnosed with multifocal breast cancer on 7th June with one area being grade 1 cribriform/DCIS and another area of grade 2 IDC. Pathology shows it being ER8, PR7 and HER2- also have been given a KI67 score of 16. Was told initially that it was considered stage 1 as there didn't appear to be any lymph node involvement although I wish I was never actually told that.

I had a mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction on 6th August. LONG wait with no treatment being given in the meantime but the surgery went well and recovery seems pretty good too.

Another 4 weeks later I got the results of the sentinel node biopsy and out of 5 nodes removed one had lymphovascular invasion. So now I'm stage 2 and this is where I really felt my first slump. Within 2 weeks I'd need a full Axillary Node Clearance and would also be sent for a CT body scan to check for signs of spread.

We're now couple of weeks later and I've had my full lymph node clearance and the CT scan (which was done just prior to the ANC).

When I arrived for my ANC I was informed that my CT scan is clear (woohoo). 

Surgery was delayed until a little later in the day so after being told it was a day case and I'd be home in the same day I actually ended up with an overnight stay. Can't say as I was disappointed at that really because the armpit pain I am finding is more noticeable and uncomfortable than the Mastectomy and DIEP pain which is just pretty numb and tight feeling.

I was told that I then need to see the surgeon the week after surgery to check how I'm healing but that it was unlikely that I'd have the results from the histology. Well what a lovely surprise to find that they did have my results and there was no further cancer found in the rest of the nodes they'd removed! So it was only 1 of 21 nodes that was affected.

So I should be pretty happy right? Still seem to be stage 2 and I'm being told by the surgeon that I have a good prognosis but I can't shake my anxiety about whether something has been missed along the way?! I can't get a full night's sleep for love not money either which I'm sure isn't helping me.

In terms of next steps, I'm still going to be going through Chemo, Radio and Hormone Therapy to throw everything at it which I'm not looking forward to but I think at this point I'm happier to keep on with all I can to give myself a better chance of some longevity.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here. Thinking maybe writing down my feelings will help me to process things and hoping to maybe make some connections here who have potentially had similar experiences?