How to still feel you're a mum whilst battling cancer?

Hi, I’m so sorry your struggling, as a mum I totally understand your feelings and they are valid. I hear your frustration as you so want to spring up and have that energy back. The problem is made so much harder as the treatment lasts so long so everyone gets worn out.

You could ask your parents to take your child out to the park everyday which would give everyone a break as it’s fresh air, no cleaning up craft kit, free entertainment and running off some energy. It’s an easy one for grandparents and you will feel some relief. If you can afford it, order some craft kits and ask your parents to help him do one a day, tv off. That’s a win win, organised, contained and easy. I always find that rather than criticism it’s easier to present something as good for them (parents) so your helping them out.

Don't forget (I have three teenagers) that small children don’t need much and that you will have many years as he grows to do all the things, and you will because you appreciate all the precious moments and will make upsurge those memories are special. For now your doing all you can as a bystander and I expect the frustration will be doing you more harm than him.

This won’t last, better days will come and unlike others, wow you are going to be all in enjoying every moment and not wishing those your child days away, which many people do. Obviously this is all easier said than done… xxx

Hi. I am reminded of a simliar situation when my then 10 months old was trying, consistently, to climb on top of my mum and pull out her central line. Go explain to a child his age why that is not a good idea.... Your concerns are valid, but there is a bigger picture here. The better you look after yourself at this point, the faster you will be able to take on the physical demands of looking after a toddler. The current situation is temporary, finite, and every day, every hour, is a step towards the point where you are able to lift him up, take him out, play with him, and do everything you want. As for the period in the meantime, yes, ideally he shouldn't spend this much time in front of the tv, but with the setup such as it is, you are probably right in avoiding a confrontation (long term benefit versus long tern adverse effect of both ends of this.) Once you are better you will be able to go back to your own routines with him, and at some point down the line this episode of tv overload may well fade into the distant background. 

On a practical level, if you want to have your toddler nearby, put a pillow right in front of your breasts, to protect the surgery area and the drain. He can then climb a little, possibly, but without hurting you, and you may even be able to hug him a little with the pillow between the two of you. If you think this might work, this may allow you to read him a story, possibly even play with him a little if you are not too exhausted. However, do not pick him up yet. My own surgeon said no lifting anything heavy until 6 weeks post surgery, and no lifting anything heavier than a kettle for the first two weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if your surgeon gives similar advice.

I hope things get better once the drain is out, it worked this way for me so I hope it does so for you too, and that recovery is speedy.

So hard for you but my thoughts.  Is there a play group /scheme he could go to for a couple of hours that would require grandparents to drop/pick up from, even if only once a week.  Do you have any friends with young children?  Could you ask them to do a short play date.  Explain your limitations so it's just the children playing together while you have a cup of tea/coffee with parent .  Last resort can you afford to pay a day nursery or nanny/childminder for a day? 
TV isn't going to harm your son, you can still control what he watches .   I remember as a pre school child watching "watch with mother" every day with my mother.  I had such happy memories of this time - they short episodes, I bought a video of them to watch with my daughter when a toddler.  We just sat quietly on the sofa and she loved them.  They don't age and might be on YouTube as they from   50s/60s.  You will soon feel stronger and your son will understand if you show him why you can't carry or have him play rough till you are better.