Hello everyone,
I was diagnosed with Breast cancer in March 2020, 5 months to the day after nursing and losing my Dad to cancer (a devastating loss to me) I work in the nursing profession and thought I can ride this journey no problem...after all we are given tools to support patients and their relatives dealing with a devestating diagnosis.
And so (luckily for me) I was rushed into surgery as they were.closing the hospital down behind me to deal with the surge of covid patients. I kept in touch with colleagues and actually hated the fact that I couldn't.be there with them when the hospital needed its staff the most. My partner worked away and we had to make the decision that he stayed away for fear of covid being transmitted. I would not see him for months. My daughter would drop parcels to the door, grandsons waving through the window.
The only human contact was with the nurses in the cancer unit...always busy and no time to chat and aware to give patients required space to minimise cross contamination. No tea rounds from volunteers, no chat group afternoons, no wig service, just an endless round of leaflets and Webb sites. Macmillan nurses helping.elsewhere never had time to return answer machine messages (all stopped because of covid) I began to wonder if breast cancer is maybe not as serious to worry about as other diagnosis. It was the most loneliest time of my entire life, but again I focused on projects to keep my mind active and tried Not to miss human contact. I disappeared into my mind.
My treatment came with complications...reactions to the chemo caused tingling and numbing in my feet, sessions missed and dosage changed, this resulted in my treatment over running and I went straight into radiotherapy, given at another hospital further away, had to drive myself, on a return trip, whilst stationary, an elderly gentleman ran into the.back of me, writing my car off, oh the agony of trying to sort insurance when your brain doesnt function !!! That in turn resulted in hire car to get to apps, I contracted covid which put me into bed for 3 days.....on my own laying in my own sweat and unable to move. I have not been the.same since, tingling bumb hands.and feet, muscle contractionsmin my back legs.and arms. Sleep deprivation with pain. My partner so distant with me unable to cope with emotions I fear the relationship will not survive....he was so used to an independent working partner depending on no one, the glue to the family sorting the problems., not the frustrated person I have become.
And now over a year later I still await breast reconstruction (not classed as urgent) an app with neurology (6 months waiting list) my HR and Occy health depts now pushing for me to return to work or take early retirement due to ill health (apparently breast cancer comes with a limit time to heal -pressure!) there is strong feelings of having fallen off the conveyer belt and I have no idea of how to move forward from this point.
Sorry this is so long...if you have read it thankyou for your patience. Maybe I should have rung help lines and talked but I already know that ultimately the answers lie with me.
Kentbird
Thank you for sharing. I can't really add to what's already been said here except that this is a safe place to unpack and discuss what you've experienced. Macmillan nurses are amazing and can access support for you from avenues you won't have thought possible.
Hang in there, you've got this 
When you're going through hell, don't stop!
Sending a big cuddle. Xxxxx
