Diagnosed today

Hello,  The waiting is the worse thing ever but once you have treatment plan you will feel better xx

Thank you Grogg.  Being on this site has helped a lot already.  I have been holding it all in and as soon as I started typing on this site it allowed me to have a good cry and let it all out.  I don't worry about me I worry about the pain and sadness left behind should the worst happen.  Just read your bio and so so happy for you.  What does NEDDY mean (cancer free i'm guessing).  I am about the same age as you were I think (51) somehow that helps but not sure why.  Any way so happy for you, long may it continue and thanks for reaching out.

Hello GodWilling,

I am so sorry you find yourself here, you have just got on the rollercoaster ride that none us wanted to ride.  Soon you will feel you are pushed on the ride and won't fully understand what happened (que my name!) until you get through treatment.  

Like Grogg says, the waiting is the hardest part, it really is, once you have a diagnosis and a plan then you can move forward.  

I totally understand not wanting to talk to family and friends, for various reasons I was the same - you make experience a few strange things with family and friends if you do tell them..... friends may be good, but be prepared for them to also disappear - unless I just had a really rubbish friend.  

You will get though this, you will.  For the down day and the 'what the f' days.... you might find the 'Mindfullness' apps that you can get on your phone will help you, they have all different technics to help you sleep or calm yourself down when you have a panic or a meltdown... you will have these its natural, also when you just look at someone talking to you and nothing is going in - you are just looking at them and thinking.... do you know what, I have been told I have 'c'..... all this will ease once you have your plan.  

Any worries, questions or concerns - just ask away, the ladies and gent's on here are a tower of strength and a mind of information - so as I say, any questions just ask and hopefully between us all we can help you.  In the meantime, you are not alone, we are here for you.

Look out for the category 'Other discussions' in there is a thread called AWAKE.... this was created by Londonlass for anyone having trouble sleeping - no matter what time of day or night.... you will most of us are in there most of the time - please feel free to join in - it really will help you .... owww and we even have a virtual guinea pig called Lucky Pants.... when you have your appointments he can virtually come with you and hide in your pocket, keeping you company and knowing we are all with you.

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer-forum/f/breast-cancer-forum/128753/awake#pifragment-13906=3001

(if you open the awake thread, if you aren't take to the lastest/current page, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the 'right arrows' - this 'should' take you to the current posts )

Try and get some sleep xx

Hello WhatHappened, good name choice it's how i'm feeling right now.  I'm sorry your friends weren't there for you.  I have like many of us known people who have had cancer and I can see how it would be hard for friends to know what to say and what to do.  I didn't find it easy to be around people with cancer and I don't know what I would have been like if a close friend was diagnosed.  

I think it scares them too because it can happen to any of us and so it's  easier to ignore it and pretend it's not happening and that means not keeping in touch.

Then there is the question of what do you say.  They would have been worried about upsetting you if they talk about the cancer and worried about upsetting you if they don't.  If they talk about normal things and their own lives they will feel guilty. They would be afraid of getting upset and making you feel worse. Then time passes and you feel you've left it too long, you feel embarrassed and ashamed and it's harder to make contact.  

Or maybe they were just rubbish friends and now you've made better ones 

I hope you have been able to forgive your friends and accept their weaknesses and that this doesn't continue to upset you.

Sleep for me I think isn't going to be difficult it's being awake that is hard.  But then you try to sleep so much that you can't sleep anymore.  

Currently I'm just scared of what the prognosis will be after the MRI.  If my chances of beating this are high I'll feel a lot better but I'm just so scared that they might not be and I can't stop thinking about that and can't believe it's happening to me.  I feel awful that I am putting my husband through this and can't bear the thought of telling my sons.  But the stories on this forum give me some strength and hope.

Where are you at with your treatment now, is it all behind you?  I hope it is.

Thanks for reaching out xx

GodWillingglad you've let it all out.  I think the majority of us have been where you are at one point planning our funeral but the reality is BC is treatable with 90% surviving 5 years+.   It's not a death sentence but it's still a big deal hearing you have cancer.  It's not your job to make others feel better about your diagnosis- I bet you've have the tilted head reaction from people.  Just focus on yourself and carry on posting on here to get get support and friendship.  

Yes Neddy means no evidence of disease - so basically my annual mammogram shows no change.  Yes I was 51 when diagnosed after a recall from my first ever screening mammogram.  It's odd but I had a sense of dread going for the screening and waiting for results letter.  I just knew something was up though I had no symptoms.  Then after recall appointment and waiting for results I went to pieces.  I lost my mother when I was 24 to bowel cancer and in 2012 one of my sisters to brain cancer.  Both died within weeks of diagnosis so I thought it was my turn.  I went to New York on holiday a few days after my diagnosis and it was so good to get away from well meaning people.  I hadn't found this site then .  

There is a lovely friendly general chat thread called Awake.  Jump to last post and say hi,  you'll soon get gist of thread that it's just chatter.  No cliques all welcome 

Awake

Hi Grogg,  thank you I have been too worried to look at statistics and to post that I am worried that this might kill me even though I assume most of us go through these worst case scenarios.  

I was so focused on this at my consultation that we didn't really discuss what my results so far mean other than we'll no more on Tuesday after an MRI.  Grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma associated with DCIS.  B5b.  Sounds like maybe you had the same? what does DCIS mean?

Sounds like you have really been through it and I so admire how you've got through it I hope I will be as strong as you.  I don't know how people do it.  When I watch the news or hear peoples awful stories (not just about cancer) I am always amazed at how as human beings we manage to keep going.  I feel that I can't but I am sure like all you lovely people I will.

 I will try the awake thread.  I saw it but didn't know where to start.  

Maria x

Hi Maria.  I'm no stronger  than the next person.  I had only DCIS which was high grade so most likely to become invasive.  On original biopsy it was intermediate so technically it worsen after surgery biopsy but it was explained to me they grade on the worst bit of area removed even if it's the smallest area.  Not sure if I explained that but they removed 11mm had clear margins , so healthy tissue on edges then in that 11mm it could have been 0.5 mm of high and the rest intermediate or even low but they use worse cells as diagnosis and for treatment.  DCIS  means - When cancer cells have developed within the ducts of the breast and remain within the ducts (‘in situ’), it is called DCIS. Ductal carcinoma in situ,  The cancer cells have not yet developed the ability to spread outside these ducts into the surrounding breast tissue or to other parts of the body.   

Cone join the awake thread.  Go to last post and just Hi and you've just joined forum.  If you update your profile people can read your story as you can theirs.