AWAKE.........

Good Morning Everyone.

Firstly I just wanted to say Thankyou for all the hugs and kind words yesterday, after my rather eventful day.

I managed to get myself into a real stew over it all. Hating myself for being so useless and stupid! Hating my body. Hating what I have become! Then I thought about it and realised it was just one of those unfortunate days where things all happened at the same time! I was already feeling low because I was tired. Then the fall on the way to work just unsettled me, it was clearly downhill from there!

However today is a New Day! I didn't sleep very well as I was really achy and sore! I have a rather large bruise that spreads right across my back/bottom on my right side! Plus a bruised arm, but other than that and feeling really achy still, I think I'm okay. Think this is where having so many pain meds helps!!!

So on with today! My last day of work for the week.

Snowys Mum, pleased to hear you had a lovely time in London. It really is the most amazing city!

, thanks for making me smile yesterday. The thought of you with no voice trying to communicate with your hard of hearing guests was just too funny! Hope you at least enjoyed the company. Hope you are starting to feel better.

, how you doing? Feeling okay I hope! We don't want anymore visits to Hotel BHS!!

, Hope those elves are behaving themselves! Thank you for always being there to listen and to offer support and hugs! 

Everyone else Thanks for being part of the Amazing Fruit Loops. Love you all.

Sal xxxxxxxxx

LondonLass - blimey, what are you like????  I think we need classes on how to style out going arse over tits (or tit in my case!!!) as that seems to be what we're likely to do if we get tired - doesn't make us useless, just makes us unique!!! 

Fingers crossed that you're not in too much pain today and that the bruises fade quickly! 

seaspirit44 and Snowys Mum - glad you enjoyed/are enjoying your trips to the big smoke! 

- that made me laugh - I have no voice either and a partially deaf husband who doesn't wear his hearing aids at home - VERY frustrating!!! 

toxophilite - a bit late to the party, but thanks for your work as champ and enjoy the extra time you'll have off site! 

Happy Wednesday to everyone else! 

I have excelled myself with the appointments today:

08:50 - dentist

10:00 - Hickman line removal (has to be done under xray apparently)

13:00 - chemo

I feel a hot chocolate and cake coming on between line removal and chemo! 

Afternoon (well, what's left of it after chemo) will be for napping I think! 

Morning everyone, hope you all are doing ok.

LondonLass, hope you have a better day today, and are not too sore, the naughty elves are up to their tricks again, but the grandkids love them.

Snowys Mum, and seaspirit44, glad you both had a good time in London.

, and , hope you are both feeling better. Good luck with all your appointments today . Definitely hot chocolate and cake time after all that.

toxophilite, just echoing what everyone else says, thanks for all the help on this site, enjoy your free time.

Hope everyone has the best day you can xx

maybe we should “learn to style out” falling,like a ballerina??Recently I tried to get out of the bath”in the manner of a ballerine”(I was still full of the ballet I had just seen)

@Snowysmum....so lovely to read of your day in London.Lived it vicariously,(am still abit nervous of travelling there alone but love it)xx

Glad you had a great time Snowys Mum. We are staying right next to the British Museum . Well done doing all that on your own ! Xx

Lovely fruit loops, need some hugs.

Had a meltdown this morning at the hotel. DH specifically rang them before the trip to make sure I could have porridge at breakfast. There was nothing else I could eat on the menu, and if I don't have a proper breakfast I feel faint later on. Hypos, not diabetic, don't ask!

It took a while for the waitress to understand, got the manager, and then brought raw oats! Tried to explain it needed cooking, had to leave it to DH as I was getting upset. She brought it back partially cooked with hard bits in. Just what I need to avoid. She tried again, same result. I think DH thought I was being picky, but I dare not eat anything with bits,nor the obstruction might come back I am terrified of that happening, especially while away from home. 

We then left the hotel in search of somewhere serving porridge. After 3 goes found somewhere. By this time I was in floods of tears and we had a dreadful row.

I really am not coping, it is all too difficult with my other problems as well I see all these normal people around me without a care in the world, enjoying their holiday. I feel totally alien, a nuisance, a pain. Now the guilt comes in. I'm spoiling it all for DH, he can't cope with me when I get like this. I really feel he would be better off without me. He could enjoy himself and not be restricted.

I have to have an early lunch, make sure I get enough time for a rest, then off for a pre theatre meal at 5pm. Get to the Coliseum, schedule urgent toilet visits, hope I don't need to go during the performance, and take food with me in case I am limited at the restaurant, and get hypo.

Perhapd I shouldn't have come, but I HATE cancelling thins because if the effects of the cancer.

I'm just so terrified of the obstruction coming back.

Sorry to moan xxxx

Bless you seaspirit44 you've done amazing to go to this it's bound to be a bit problematic at times.Iim sure your partner understands he loves you for being you and would not change you ever. I often think of how depressed i got and feel so bad on my hubby now sometimes if he's working upstairs i go and sit in bedroom and he knows I'm getting down and says What !  Then I start saying my old awful things of What if it comes back ? What about the children ! What will you do ?  He clearly doesn't want to hear this he never really answers just lets me go on then hugs me and says come on go and keep busy. I feel so bad sometimes on him but we shouldn't beat ourselves up we've had a lot to cope with and those we love are bound to get the brunt of it. Wouldn't we do the same for them x keep going a bit At a time and think of the bits of it you are enjoying and the pleasure of the performance ahead. And also i don't really think everyone around us has perfect lives xxx

seaspirit44

Oh my, lovely lady. I was just having a self satisfying cry about my issues (pericarditis has returned) read your post and added in a few more tears for you. What the bleeping heck raw oats. Makes a joke of getting your oats.

All those people had stuck on grins they are all crying inside. They have all some sort of issue or worry niggling away at them.Imagine they all have piles that should make you giggle.

No letting BLEEP cancer spoil your day. Look for the rainbow or the little happiness in the day. You are there and you will love the theatre experience. OH will love you warts and all as you do him

Right we both need to dry those tears and kick ass.

Lindsay

seaspirit44 here's the hug xxx

Just for you seaspirit44, so sorry your trip was spoiled, how can you not make porridge, and especially when they had been asked before you got there, hope you manage to get to the theatre tonight.