AWAKE.........

...I wish I could help you,but maybe this which I read today may be of some encouragement...I hope so...

, you must be the least whingey person on this site, considering what you are going through! Your secobndaries diagnosis came from nowhere and you were thrown straight into treatment. You have handled the whole situation better than most people would. You've continued to be active, you continued to support others, you've continued to just be you! Which under the circumstances is pretty bloody amazing!

I know your next appointment/scan seems so far away, but it's just a few weeks. Try and enjoy the break from hospital visits! Do some fun things with the extra free time! Just keep reminding yourself that the Chemo is still in your body and will still be giving those cancer cells a good kicking! 

Look after yourself Hun, and keep talking to us. We are all here for you and YES, WE DO UNDERSTAND! 

Wishing everyone as Good a Friday as is possible. Lots of Love and Hugs to all. Xxxxxxx

Oh puzzler am so sorry to hear, it's not surprising you feel this way since being told having secondaries it's what everyone dreads and even if for those with primary, it's just like, well at least to me, a waiting game.  We all feel the same, and as much as cancer wants to beat us down, you mustn't let it.  Also, I am not sure why they wouldn't give you the bone streghthening meds - do you mean zoledronic acid?  I have been given this, no secondaries, but high risk.  I was told success rate was low but worth adding to the cocktail of drugs am taking.  I agree with seaspirit44 you should be so proud of yourself. 

Hi all, sorry I've not been on here quite as much as usual. 

Just struggling a bit at the moment with a HUGE (for me) LIFE CHANGING decision! Today I finally admitted to myself, something that you have all known/thought for weeks, if not longer! That it's time to say goodbye to Nanny Sally! Just as I can't get my old pre cancer life back, I now realise being a Nanny is just not realistic anymore and trying to push myself to do it, just to feel I'm not giving in to Cancer is doing more harm than good!

Its not going to be easy for me to accept this BUT I do know that this is right for me and admitting that out loud today was a BIG step! 

Think I might need a bit of help, love and support over the next few weeks/months and I know I can rely on my fellow Fruit Loops for that! 

Hope you are all well or as well as you can be! thinking of you Hun, we are all so proud of you and behind you every step of the way. Sal xxxxxx

Dear LondonLass , Dear Sal 

Well Done for making this tough decision, it’s not been easy for you , but YOU have made the decision. 

I would say to present employer that you need a reference for an agency for April . Once you have that , go to work and enjoy your little charge , do the job and take the money , knowing you can take sick leave when you need to . I know your not the kind to do this but your genuine . I’ve been off sick a year now and my employer has been awful , I have worked for them for 20 years , I did leave 5 years ago and he begged me come back , after a year I did . When I was diagnosed he didn’t honour anything he had told me - I have in emails , when I go into work with my sick line , he hides ! Never asks how I am . Hubby wouldn’t let me fight him but I will use all my information when the time comes for him to try and pay me off . So just you look after you , take sick pay , I know it’s not a lot but it’s something . 

Look after YOU

lots of love 

Lorna 

Ruby Rose  

Just for you Sal, LondonLass, you have had a really hard decision to make, but now it’s time to make yourself number 1, none of us like to think that we can’t do the things we did before cancer, but you have been amazing carrying on working the way you have, working with children is not easy, mentally and physically, you have done an amazing job with the children you have cared for, but now it’s time to take care of yourself. 

We are all here to give you all the love and support you need, you have given so much to us all now it’s our turn to support you.

, you have been amazing, going through treatment for secondaries is never easy, and you have still found time to try and do everything you did before, we are all here for you too, moan away you we don’t mind.

wishing everyone a lovely weekend

I hope that now you have made a decision you will feel better sal ......are you going to stay until April?    Concentrate on getting fitter and sorting out your thyroid , better weather is coming ( honestly ) , this is the year you start a new , and hopefully much better life , sometimes the struggle has to stop , it uses so much emotional energy . Put yourself first now ,and I hope it all works out well for you .

when I had my last chemo ( of this treatment !) Thursday,my blood results weren’t back and I was told I could ring for them Friday. The ALT and alk.phos had started going up again in recent weeks , but the tumour markerwas still going down .......well ......I rang yesterday and they are all going UP .....tumour marker has practically doubled in 2 weeks 

the nurse who gave me the results on the phone was very blasé, it’s a “ blip “ .......

she asked me twice if I had new symptoms, but as I had none when diagnosed with secondary,I cannot see how I feel has any relevance to any possible progression.

i am having a scan end of January ( I know I know , this is quite soon ! ) , and they will see me in February.  In my head I understand the liver enzymes might be affected by the chemo , but I can’t get my head round tumour markers going up while still on treatment.

you have all been so empathetic to me , and this site is my lifeline , sorryto be “ worrying “ AGAIN ......I just want answers and it is all very vague .

hope everyone else is as ok as possible and not too cold......best wishes .......x

Just wanted to send a big hug to and LondonLass.i have been feeling very sorry for myself these last few days but my situation is temporary.i will recover from my New Year’s Eve surgery soon and can hopefully put it all behind me whereas you and other fruitloops have ongoing problems so I have given myself a stern talking to and intend to stop wallowing and put my big girl pants on.part of what was getting me down was my group of friends who I have mentioned before.they don’t mean to be thoughtless I’m sure but sometimes I just feel forgotten about and it’s been like this on and off since 2016 diagnosis.on New Year’s Eve I sent a cheerygroup message from my hospital bed.out of the 6 in the group 2 have been privately texting to see how I am and one of these has visited but the others haven’t even bothered to ask how I am/when did I get home/do I need anything etc.i don’t expect anyone to come rushing around but a message only takes a minute of their time.

ladt night I caught the tubing of one of my drains on a kitchen cupboard handle and it flipping hurt.i was so fed up I sent a message saying what had happened.any response?no chance.oh well thank god for my genuine friends and you lovely lot.

right Anne time to shut up whinging now and get dressed.thanks for listening ladies.sorry if I made you nod off but you probably needed the rest

By the way did anyone try and send me a private message in the last few days?the icon for a new message was showing but when I tried to open it only my old messages are showing 

Well it sounds to me like we need a BLOODY BIG.........

, , and Ruby Rose THANK YOU for the kind words of support. Especially when you are dealing with your own issues. But I think that's what makes The Fruit Loops so special. We are all here for each other, a tight knit group who will help each other through the good times and bad. 

, bad days will happen after having surgery, but you know what my love. You moan away, we all understand and we are all here to listen. As for your friends, I think we have all been there too. But be thankful for the good friends and you know what don't waste time and energy worrying about the people who are too self-centred to call friends!

, sorry to hear your tumour markers are up! That's crap! But try not to panic, easier said than done I know! But it could be the Chemo that has messed up the results. Sadly you won't know for a few more weeks. If you are really concerned could you speak to your BCN and ask if the scan could be brought forward? She might say no but it's worth asking! Whatever happens we are here for you my love, don't forget that! You share with us all the thoughts and fears you are dealing with.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday. I just got back from a long chat and coffee with mum! We discussed everything and she is behind me all the way. Whatever I decide to do she is happy with! I now feel a bit more relaxed! I shall go to work on Monday and see how I feel. But whatever happens I won't be working until the end of April xxx