Does anyone else dislike the Macmillan Brave the Shave campaign?

While getting ready for treatment in those scary days of not knowing I was out at Hampton Court flower show with my husband keeping my at risk arm covered fearing sun burn etc. There were ladies in scarfs ladies withe close cut hair but not the outfits to match we talked about how I would look etc. It was emotional for both of us. I know my husband doesn't like short hair it made my feelings harder to deal with. He had a heart attack while I was undergoing treatment which may have made him more empathetic but now when we're out he gets when I'm feeling I was like that 18 months ago. 

When I was wondering about my reconstruction I went down to the Royal Marsden and there was a beautiful patient there. I had to go after her and I said I hope you don't mind but I just had to tell you that you are beautiful. She had absolutely no hair. I hope she didn't mind, I didn't have to be nice, she truly did look amazing. 

When your friends say you look good, they may mean it. When they say it's temporary, they're likely to be right.  Accept their kindness and be kind to others. 

You are so right Helen. 

Whilst going through chemo I was walking through town with a scarf on my head and was stopped by a female motorist and asked for directions. She said to me at the end of the conversation 'I just wanted to say how beautiful you look'. That lump appeared immediately in my throat. She didn't have to say anything but she took the time to make me feel nice even though I had 0 confidence and felt like I could only appear in public sans brown paper bag on my head. I remember that more than the stares. 

Hair loss is temporary in most cases. If friends and strangers give compliments until you look and feel more like you pre cancer self then take all you can get.  

Julia X 

I totally get people don't know what to say but I'm not alone in hating those comments and do wish they would think first and maybe just hug or ask how it's going than make light...you wouldn't say to a one legged man at least you have the other one...

I do have hair now and it's a style and coloured...when it was short and white everyone said it looked good....and a few dame judi comments...as I'm 30 years her junior don't get how that's a compliment even though she's a fantastic lady....now they say I'm looking better than that grey....yep I guess they really loved it and I believe every word...

But I digress I may have liked my hair now if I had chosen it. I didn't so it is more like having a hairdresser put right another's error...not what you choose so another loss of control. ..people who shave choose to do so they don't understand the helplessness of loosing control of life.

But my previous post was more about my husbands feelings and why he gets the reaction to the campaign.

Bless you Silverglades - you aren't mean and have done your bit!

You've explained how you feel and that should be enough....and you have already donated.

If you are worried you can clarify on your Facebook and make it clear you prefer to donate in different ways - although you are entitled to your opinion and feelings, and neither has encroached on anyone else.

Hope that makes sense......sending big hugs

I agree. I think it's very difficult (especially in this day and age of political correctness) for people to know what to say without causing offence. I've had some weird things said to me and I only had radiotherapy after my lumpectomy so luckily didn't lose my hair. But I've felt quite irritated at times, one friend comparing my breast cancer with her having the bags under her eyes done.. Almost everyone starts telling you about "so and so" who had "this or that operation"  who survived, who died etc etc... But I know everyone has tried their best to be kind. So I've just smiled and let it all pass over me.. Nothing anyone says can really and truly help us feel better.. In some ways I feel like I've had to put others at ease, make them feel better! But after all I've been through (and I know many of you lovely ladies have been through far worse)  I'm just glad my cancer was found early, glad I've been cared for so well by our NHS, glad I'm still here and people and things are not going to be allowed to bother me like they used to! 

Love 'n hugs xxx ❤️

Judy, Thanks so much for your lovely supportive reply. I've cheered myself up by donating to a team from a local company who are climbing Ben Nevis for Macmillan and yet are struggling to interest the likes of the local press, who are, naturally, much more interested in the shavers.  

Please do let us know when you speak for Cancer Voices.  All best.

That sounds like an excellent way forward Silverglades!

I'm struggling to get anywhere with Cancer Voices at the moment - a very helpful person pointed me in the right direction though. The website says to click on a registration form - but it isn't a form!

I have now updated my profile, as directed, to show I am interested in joining. As far as I can tell I have to wait until there is a volunteer opportunity to join. I have set alerts to daily to make sure I don't miss it if it comes up!

In the meantime it has flagged up a fascinating volunteer opportunity to present to employers/HR people - and I meet the brief. So as long as I am well enough in the timeframe we will see - registered my interest anyway.

Hope you are keeping as well as you can - and keep cheerful!

Good for you Judyr58.

Well done Judy58 that sounds like a really positive way forward.

I wanted to add my thoughts to this discussion.  When I was first diagnosed two very good friends took me out to dinner and offered to shave their heads in solidarity.  This made me feel very uncomfortable and I wasn't sure why.  I thought about it and read this post later and realised what it was that I couldn't articulate at the time.  I told both of them that I would prefer that they didn't take this drastic step and explained why and they were both very relieved because they didn't want to do it but felt that it was almost obligatory these days, ie. 'if you don't shave your hair you don't care' and I think sometimes these campaigns do that; there is an element almost of cooercian.  

Now I'm not blaming Macmillan for that, I can see that they simply don't want to lose much needed funding and if people are doing it anyway then they want a share of that.  They are a fantastic organisation and the further down the road of this treatment I travel the more I appeciate the terrific job they do.  However, this has lacked a bit of sensitivity.

When I shaved my head it definitely was not fun, I just went and did it myself because I wanted to keep it low key for my childrens' sake. It was very hard to show them the result but they were amazing and my youngest daughter still likes to stroke the bit of fuzz I have left. I'm getting used to me now but it was hard to go from having long brown hair to short white stubble.  But I have some nice scarves and i'm picking up a new wig next week, though I'll probably not wear it very much this summer.

Anyway, the long and short of it, keep up your good work Macmillan but please listen to us about this.  Let's concentrate on getting to people to fundraise by doing fun things which hopefully will be good for their health too.