I Feel all alone with no support from my siblings in trying to support my father through a recent diagnosis of secondary brain cancer only a year after an esophageal cancer operation my father lives on his own and has done for a long time ,I live the closest and it seemed down to me to attend all his previous appointments and help him after his surgery which was hard work now he suddenly got a bad neck then headache and took himself to hospital ,
It was very hard work getting anything from my dad as to what the hospital had said to him and even now he hasn't mentioned the C word ,we have only come to this conclusion of putting certain things together, I also told him I would go along to the appointments given to him so I could try to find out what was going on but during these meetings my father acted as if I new .
He has had surgery to remove some of the tumours but some still remain although he has never said the word tumours either and was telling other people that he was having moles removed.
He has become very insulting and is constantly upsetting people either ,I have become increasingly upset and embarrassed about his behaviour and trying to get some support from other family members and they are holding his behaviour against him and refuse to believe it is the cancer causing it and that he knows exactly what he is doing and saying.I am mortified by this response and now once again feel it is solely down to me again to try and gain support as no one else seems interested. with this diagnosis a driving ban also got put in place which has taken his ability to go out and do what he was doing so this has also had an impact .I have several threats of him ending his life but he is not the greatest talker and would not talk to anyone about anything and would always tell the macmillan nurse that he is OK....I have hit rock bottom on what other help can be given to him in order to try to carry on a bit instead of thinking his life is over already ,we are yet to find out what treatment is available for the other tumours but I no already it will be down to me to get him there as family seem to think he can do this himself ..please help
Hi Jessyj
a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about all that is going on with your dad.
I supported my late husband through the 3 years of his primary brain tumour journey so I can empathise with the challenging behaviour/moods.
I'd suggest that you speak to your dad's medical team about his low moods. Denial was my late husband's default coping mechanism and he too refused to talk to anyone and would lie to the CNS if he thought he could get away with it. I'd like to think it was partly the tumour talking but I was never sure. His tumour definitely changed his personality as did some of the drugs he was prescribed. The steroid Dexamethasone made him really nasty. Could it be your dad's medication that is contributing to this? Can you get him to give the medical team permission to talk to you about things?
There's some good info on secondary brain cancer on the main body of the website. Here's the link to it What is secondary brain cancer? | Macmillan Cancer Support
Supporting someone through this journey is challenging. I am only child and G only had one brother who was worse than useless so the buck stopped with myself and our two children (20 and 22 at the time) when it came to caring and getting him to appointments etc so I can relate to how you feel. It is exhausting caring for someone so please try to take time for yourself to recharge your batteries. It will put you in a stronger position to be able to support your dad. There's another group within the community you might want to explore too. Cancer carers forum | Macmillan Online Community Personally I drew a lot of support from this group and that one throughout G's journey.
This is a safe and supportive space so please reach out here anytime, There's always someone about to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer a virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We've got you here
It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
For now though I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of patience and strength.
love n hug
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Hi.
I had a similar issue at the start of G's journey. I managed to get the email address for the CNS and emailed my concerns to her. You could try to contact the oncologist's secretary. Another option is to ask your dad's GP for support. Does your dad have a Power of attorney in place? If not that's something else you could speak to him about. We were advised to put a POA in place at the start of G's journey by the neurosurgeon.
Getting information can be a minefield. In my experience though you can give the medical team information/ feedback without explicitly asking them to tell you something.
Love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
