Waiting for blood results

I already know it's terminal something within me is telling me. All I can do now is stare out the window while people think I am the village idiot. I can't tell people that think I am strange that I am living with a dehabiliting illness.all they think is that I am strange, she should get a job, she should get a hobby. They are not me, they don't go through the pain I endure every morning, every evening. The stupid things like writing poems I do to pass the time has all been done in vain. I see it in their faces as they pretend to care. I am that dog that no one wants to take for a walk in the family now, because I am of no benefit in their lives. I am Ill! I am loving with a malignancy that is killing me slowly. 

Everything I have done or tried to do in the past 7 years has been in vain. Pointless. Why didn't it take me there and then! Instead of years of scrounging off the welfare state. People hate me because I am unemployed but I can't tell them that I am loving with a terminal disease. The worst part is that I have lost my babies and will.neber be pregnant again or have a man that lives me! What's the point in continuing any treatment. Push the euthanasia bill I say. It saves the families from suffering. We can't just live on a one billion to one chance of getting through a terminal illness. You need more than hope for that. 

How do you live each day knowing it is on borrowed time?