Hi all, I'm new to the forum but almost at the end

Hi Pupmum and a warm welcome to the board. Congratulations on getting through the treatment and onto the final stage - putting it behind you and moving on with your life. Yes it is hard and often brushed under the table now you’re ‘cured’. During treatment you have regular hospital visits, scans, bloods, appointments then it suddenly all stops and you feel a bit alone and abandoned? I felt guilty that I should’ve have felt happier at my final meeting with my oncologist but felt strangely despondent as I left the hospital. 

I’ve attached a link to a really great paper below which a lot of people have found helpful?

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

There’s also some great posts on this board from people feeling exactly like you do

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/life-after-cancer-forum

Your hospital may send you on a Moving on from Cancer course or you could enquire at your local Maggies centre about one. Time is also a great healer and every clear scan and CEA test will push the memory a little further back in your mind.

Hope these links help and so does talking so feel free to post whenever you need and the support desk is always there on the number below if you want to chat to someone in person?

Take care

Karen x

Thankyou so much for your helpful and thoughtful reply, much appreciated. I feel like a lot of my trauma and upset stems from misdiagnosis for months (told IBS) when I was in such immense pain. I lost 3 stone and took until I nearly died because of the narrowing of my colon for anything to be done. I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, it was messy, and disgusting and painful and exhausting and I nearly died. 

I had an emergency operation on the 20th December and spent 11 days in hospital recovering, so I missed Christmas which is a really special time for me. I started chemo Feb time and my body couldn't cope with the transfusions, I tried three times and in the end my consultant opted for high strength tablets morning and night in 3 week cycles. Side effects have not been kind to me but I have managed to return to work part time, for my own sanity.

I guess I just really need to talk it all out, I'm terrified that it'll return as it was present in a lot of the lymph nodes they removed. That, and the fact that I was told a few times how uncommon this type of cancer is in women of my age and that's why it wasn't picked up on earlier. What if that happens again ? I'm now paranoid about every change in my body.

Also, the chemo has meant I've piled weight back on and I just have zero confidence now as I don't know or trust my own body.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far xx

Hi Pupmum, 

I just wanted to say you aren’t alone in the weight gain/confidence thing.  I gained 3.5 stone on chemo and it’s not shifting! 

it’s very normal to be worried about every twinge/pain.  I was convinced something was seriously wrong yesterday and then I remembered I’d been doing weights the day before, hence the twinges in my arms.  

I know that doesn’t make life easier but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in this.  

cerysm 

Thankyou Cerysm, for your lovely reply. It's been such a long and tough journey, partly because it was so unexpected I guess. 

Well done you though, having the motivation to lift weights, that's impressive and I bet makes you feel more positive in taking control of things a little.

I appreciate the support and empathy a lot xx

Hello Pupmum I am just at the start and happy to read, ‘listen’ if you want to off load.

The loss of trust in my body has been difficult. I panic over the littlest things. I can't forget that I thought I was fine, just a UTI causing pain, until they discovered a massive tumor. I felt betrayed. 

I can relate to your need to offload some of these feelings. The energy has to go someplace. Keep talking until the subject bores you.