Hello everyone

Hello Kantari,

I think that just as everyone's cancer journey is different, so is their reaction to it. Some remain very calm for most of the time, with perhaps just the occasional vent, while others get very anxious and emotional and can spiral into a very dark place sometimes. We all have different personalities and how we respond to bad news will depend on both our nature and perhaps on our particular circumstances. There is no right or wrong.  

My diagnosis was unexpected (I'd had no symptoms, it was the result of a routine screening FIT) but like you, I didn't feel very emotional about it - everything moved so fast I'm not sure I had enough time for it to sink in. But like you I was told had been caught early and not spread, and, being retired,childless and reasonably comfortably off, didn't have the immediate worries that others may have of how they are going to survive financially whilst sick and the effect their illness may have on young children. 

Hi, my diagnosis came before Christmas and while I was extremely anxious waiting for scan results etc, I then entered a period of relative numbness. As I feel well, it's easy to think it's a mistake. My husband had non hodgkins lymphoma 4 years ago and had v rough treatment (he is fine now!) and I too was kind of waiting for my turn.

You may find your emotions change over time.  I am a month post op and waiting for chemo and I feel like the enormity of it all is hitting me and I have low days. More tearful, I didn't cry initially. 

However you react that is OK. There isn't a correct response.

Good luck meeting your consultant xx

Hi Kantari,

I think as others have said, there’s no rulebook for this. For me, from a niggling pain in my tummy to a seven hour operation was 13 days. I didn’t have time to feel anything. I kind of accepted that this was happening and got on with it. Like you, I’ve lost family to cancer and just thought it was my turn. Once I realised my chances of dying were a lot less than I thought, I have sort of got through each bit and come out the other side. 
All of that was last September and I’m going back to work on Monday. My hemicolectomy removed the cancer er from my bowel, I had a bit of a crap time with chemo and I may have something in one of my lungs, but it’s wait and see. The only time I’ve cried is when I try to thank anyone from the NHS or MacMillan. It just overwhelms me. 
My boss and my husband are both aware that I am a bit worried that it will just “hit me” at some point, but it hasn’t yet. Don’t worry about how you feel at all. 
I think it’s like grief. I remember my sister howling for hours when our dad died, but I just felt numb and my brother said it took him 13 years to actually accept. All I would say is don’t forget you have a really serious illness and think you can just carry on as normal. I know that might sound daft, but you genuinely must slow right down and take care of yourself very generously.

Take good care and listen to your cancer team and your body. There are lovely people in this chat who will be there to hear you if you need to talk xxx

Nic xx

Thanks so much P00sticks. Our circumstances are very similar. Before I had the CT, I was questioning everything I bought. Was it worth buying tomato and flower seeds this year? Was it worth spending £400 on new glasses? Anyway, the seeds have started to arrive and I have an appointment at the opticians on Monday. At what stage are you? How long is it since your diagnosis? What treatment have you had so far? Sorry for all the questions. 

Thank you Nic. I have 2 parents, 2 husbands and a 42 year old daughter who have had cancer. My Mum died from Breast cancer when she was 51, My ex husband, the father of my children died from a rare cancer 5 years ago (we had been divorced for over 20 Years). My husband is in remission from Prostate cancer, diagnosed just before lockdown.

My father still lives in own house. When he was 33 he was diagnosed with stomach cancer and given 5 months to live, and last week he was 92! They removed part of his stomach plus other bits and pieces, but he wasn't "allowed" to know he had cancer. Very few people survived stomach cancer in those days. In the past 10 years he has had 5 strokes, a heart attack,  broken both hips, and now has dementia. The 1st stroke took away his ability to read and write, he is partially sighted and is deaf.

My 42 year old super-fit daughter got 2 different cancers in the same breast, She is mum to 3 boys, a midwife and a councilor. She ended up having a mastectomy, but thank god she is ok now, and monitored very closely, and around that time, 2 other daughters lost their father in laws to cancer, and my brother in law also was diagnosed with Prostate cancer. All those people. xxx 

Hi Arial, thanks so much for your reply.

I noticed the blood when I was in Thailand for a month last year, but wasn't too concerned, because I have a couple of Hemorrhoids and I have had colonoscopies in the past. I also knew my Bowel cancer screening kit would be waiting for me on my return on 19th December. I did the test, but my GP gave me a different test too, both came back as positive, then Christmas, New year and then life went crazy. From wafting around Thailand in a sarong and flip flops, to wafting around hospital corridors in a hospital gown and "modesty pants"