In denial?

Hi Crackon 

Well done for posting . Not easy at times . I really felt for you when I read your post . You just wonder if a more sensitive approach at the beginning might have helped .

In terms of denial I for one think it’s fine . You know what’s going on but processing it in a way you find helps you move forward . My mum was a stage 4 patient for 15 years . She always said she was really fortunate as she never thought of cancer in her body . She was not in full denial and she was completely compliant with treatment , all 64 or 65 scans and turned up for all her appointments . She had lung mets from 2016 when she had surgery . Then further treatment in 2022/23  but at 82 she only took a targeted treatment by that time .

In our experience the oncologist always make sure patients know that it’s a referral but the surgeon may have a different surgical reason for not going ahead . Just a caveat to manage expectations . But my mum went on and had surgery twice in her liver and once in her lung . In fact the liver surgeon thought it was possible when the oncologist was sceptical. Two different specialists I guess .

The lung surgery by keyhole was by far my mums easiest surgery. A two inch scar under her armpit . Home two days later and back out for coffee two weeks after that .

She lived like that until she passed last summer . Best foot forward approach .

take care ,

Court 

Hello and thank you for responding, Court.     I did reply last night but it seems to have disappeared into the ether!  I could, of course, be me and chemo brain. I use that as an excuse for most things!  I was reassuring to hear that you can have a life,living with Stage 4 - I'd settle for 15 more years.  Still not sure if I want to know though.  

I think my user name reflects how I feel - I just want to get on with whatever will get me to a stable situation.  Back on chemo next week after a break.  The more shrinkage the better seems to be the mantra so I'm going with it.

Thanks again for helping to put my mind a little more at rest.

All the best,     Cracking on with life

my computer seems to become averse to the letter t.. A couple of I's should be its!

Who cares if you are in denial? Wherever you are in the grief cycle is where you need to be. I once read an interview with Elisabeth Kubler Ross. She said she regretted staging grief like she did because people misunderstood and wanted to push themselves or another "out of denial". 

Personally, I generally live in a calm place of both denial and acceptance. I take brief excursions into anger, bargaining, and depression then escape back to my calm center. This allows me to process my feelings in small bite-sized peices and that's what works for me. 

Let yourself process in whatever way works best for you. You've got this. 

Thanks, for the confirmation that I need to do what's right for me at each step. I think the idea of taking things in small pieces is great. For as long as I feel well, I'm not ill and the treatment is just a necessary part of my life. Us humans are pretty good at coping! 

Sorry that you're having such a rough time, Crackon. What Susan says is so helpful to me too. Life feels a mixture of doing normal things with a mask concealing all of the truth going on behind and collapsing into sobs usually on my own.  But at least its up to me what I say and who to.  Keep in touch and wish you well x

Thanks for your response.  I'm not really having a rough time apart from the obvious and not knowing the finer details (or much at all, really), I feel I'm able to function  normally most of the time. I just don't know how much I need to know, if that makes sense.  From the advice on here, I'll carry on only being aware of the basics.  That may change further down the line but I'm currently in limbo while I wait to see if I'm accepted for surgery.  Stay strong and hoping for the best of you too x 

more chemo brain!  Not hoping for the best of you, the best for you x

Ha ha - dont worry.

Hi, so sorry you had such a rubbish consultant initially, that is horrible. I totally understand how easy denial is as I too feel well. That will probably change as I start chemo. 

Maybe reframe it and not see it as denial but as a way of coping? It's absolutely fine to just want to know the basics and get on with life as it is now. It sounds to me like you have a fantastic approach to it all. 

I am slowly getting better at dealing with each stage as it comes. A friend who had a tough time some years ago said her counsellor said you can't eat all the elephant at once! Whilst I am a veggie  I love the analogy.

All good wishes for the rest of your treatment and ongoing shrinkage.

Xx