So scared for him.

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Hi there.

looking for support, I am so scared for my partner. 
hoping you all welcome me to the group 

  • Bless you, what's happening? I've recently joined and shared my cancer year! It is a scary world, this cancer one & one we never wanted to join! Here if you want to talk x

  • My partner went to doctors for bleeding and what he and I thought was maybe a prolapse rectum!!

    oh no!! It is a Tumour 

    I can’t come to terms with it, I am scared, keep crying, sobbing and so so scared.

    The hospital were very good, and have sent away biopsy’s 

    but I can’t cope 

    I don’t want to loose him he is 51! And we have only been together 2.5 yrs, he’s my best friend 

  • Oh bless you, it is SO bloody scary I well know. Has your partner had surgery to remove the tumour and that is what's sent off as biopsy (& maybe lymph nodes also, etc, which is usual practice?) I, too, had a 35cm tumour removed after awful symptoms on background of crohns disease in emergency surgery this January. Had to wait 2 very long and frightening weeks for histology results. I have written my history you can look at but won't go on about that here as is not about me! Once the biopsy results are back you will be informed of exact diagnosis and stage if relevant and then treatment plan if necessary. It's impossible not to overthink and keep away from Google ( not always certified articles,  stick with cancer sites like this) but I know how frightening it is. Does your partner have an oncology link nurse/ team? If so I would recommend calling them to discuss your worries, that's what their there for & mine were very receptive. If not, access all carers support on here/ other well known agencies. You feel your world is falling apart I know and crying it out is sometimes the only way. I sobbed many times when my children weren't around ( I'm only 52). Hard to cling on to, but be relieved the tumour was removed like mine and if there's any lingering issues, they will be very swiftly onto treatment I know. As soon as I recovered from surgery was into chemo but that's not always needed, he may have  the 'all clear' from tumour removal or may just need medication but if chemo, etc, needed, they will do it quickly. The NHS is amazing for this if needed,  and I'm currently cancer free . It's so, so tough but there's great support and care out there, and as hard as it is emotionally , you will both get through whatever you need to deal with together,  wr have no other option but it may well be not as bad as you're currently dreading. Am thinking of you, please keep in touch & know we totally understand , take care of yourself too xx

  • Thank you so much for your kind words. I am in total melt down, so frightened it has spread…. I can’t face all the waiting, it’s awful. He has a cancer nurse, who said we can ring at anytime. But I am all alone, as we don’t actually live together, and I am upsetting him, when I keep crying. But it’s the Unknown. And who do you speak to at 4am, when you wake, and are heart broken. 
    I am pleased to read you are currently cancer Free, Long may that continue. 
    where do I find you storey? 

  • Umm, I'm new so not sure where you find my sorry 'story', maybe you click on my 'name' or the 'new to group' bit as only joined a few days ago? The 'fear of the unknown ' is beyond hideous I well know. The 2 weeks I waited for histology results from tumour and lymph nodes was extremely tough and was trying to recover from major abdominal surgery too. I totally understand your fear of spread. What you have to remember is he/ you are in a way better place than had the tumour not been discovered. It has, been removed and if there is any spread ,as I said ,they will seriously not muck around with it, it will be straight to treatment which, as proves with me, it works! I'm finally cancer free. That's not to say I'm 'out of the woods', I'm on ' very close monitoring ' now for years, and that could ( may not!) be the case for your partner,  but he and I are given a fighting chance as its been discovered/ analysed and then treated if necessary . That's great he has a cancer nurse allocated,  I've made many terrified calls to mine, if he agrees, maybe call them together for reassurance & ask questions? Yes, the 4am fears are the worst. I've had to have sleeping tablets,  still taking, as without adequate sleep, everything,  especially our emotions,  are badly affected the next day and its even tougher to try to be positive in front of our loved ones. Reach out to reputable cancer supports like macmillan who you,  as the carer, can speak with, there's also carer support groups too, it really helps to know others feel similar & you'll feel less isolated maybe? It's so hard as you need to show some strength for him as he'll be fearfully too bless him. Keep in touch & remember to care for yourself too xx

  • Yes, who do you turn to in those desperate early hours of the morning. I haven’t slept a single night since the diagnosis.

  • II’m in the same position, but it’s my daughter who has just been diagnosed. She’s 46. I thought I’d be stronger - I’m supposed to be a tower of strength but I’m completely broken and can’t stop crying.. How on earth to people fetvv CV through the day? I’m not coping at all , but trying to be strong for her. 

  • How are you and your partner doing  now, TraceyN? x

  • Hi Tracey and welcome to the board.

    It sounds as though your partner is very early on in his journey. I was diagnosed with colon cancer at the end of 2023 had a partial removal of the colon in December last year followed by 6 months of chemotherapy. I'm now perfectly healthy so don't assume that a cancer diagnosis is an automatic death sentence. Take it one step at a time and remind yourself of the evidence. Cling to the facts, not what your mind thinks might be ahead. Nothing in my experience was as bad as my mind told me it was going to be.

    I wish you and your partner all the best and always come back here if you need support.