Bowel cancer

  • 6 replies
  • 180 subscribers
  • 565 views

Feeling so alone. I am 49. I was diagnosed with cancer of the decending colon in October 2021. Advanced stage 3. I had absolutely no symptoms. Chemo and surgery has put me in remission, and I am very thankful for that, however, I feel I am only living for a few weeks between checks, and any ache or pain I get I am convinced the cancer is back. I feel that instead of enjoying life, I am just waiting for the cancer to return. I do not know anyone else who has had cancer that I can talk to. I am exhausted with thinking about it coming back and thinking about dying. I'm sure I can't be the only one to feel like this?

  • Hi  No you are definitely not the only one thinking like that. We’ve all felt like this and I’m sure a lot of people still do - the moving on after cancer can be hard so hopefully some of the thoughts in here will help?

    My oncologist told me that most reoccurrences happen within the first 2 years and once you get to 3 years then things are looking pretty good.

    Worrying will not change anything. If you’re still clear 3/5/10 years down the line then you’ll regret the time you lost in your life worrying needlessly.

    Every scan/blood test will confirm that you’re still NED (no evidence of disease) and hopefully push the worries a little bit further back in your mind

    There's a really good paper that a lot of people have found helpful

    https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

    There’s also a Life after Cancer board where you’ll see posts from lots of people feeling exactly like you

     Life after cancer forum 

    Hope this helps and the support desk is also there if you want to chat to someone in person?

    Take care

    Karen x

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
  • Thankyou so much. It helps just knowing that someone understands how I'm feeling. I will take a look at the links x

  • Hi Loulousaint,

    My cancer is now S4 and I live my life in 3 month blocks between monitoring scans but I live it to the full and genuinely feel empowered by my prognosis. For me, at least, it has been liberating but for that to happen there also needs to be acceptance.

    I say it a lot on these forums and it is easier said then done but focus on the knowns not the unknowns - you’re in remission and that it is a positive. Use it to reinforce the positivity in other aspects of your life.

    Do not let cancer define your life. I have, since being diagnosed, continued to coach on a volunteer basis women’s rugby at one of our two universities. In the two and bit years since I started this journey I received the Highly Commended (runner-up) Award for Coach of the Year from England Rugby Universities and (for a second time) was awarded Coach of the Year at the university Sports Awards Dinner this year.

    To use a rugby analogy: kick your cancer into touch! Your cancer is part of you but it is not who you are!

    All the very best.

    Maninbath (Tom)

  • Thankyou so much for your reply. I'm so glad I came on here as talking to people who have/ had cancer really helps me feel less alone. You have said some very helpful things. I'm so happy that you are living life to the full and I hope this continues for as long as possible for you.

    I feel terrible worrying so much when so many are much worse off than me. I'm hoping to gather as much strength from everyone as possible, and hopefully help others where I can. 

    Louise x

  • It’s completely understandable! Can I just say though that my mum was diagnosed nearly 18 years ago with dukes c (I don’t know if dukes is still used) bowel cancer and it had perforated her bowel by the time she was rushed in. (She’d also just had a baby and the pregnancy hormones had made it grow faster) she didn’t know for the whole pregnancy, she’s pretty amazing really. Anyway she’s never had it return, and she has regular colonoscopies etc to keep an eye on things. I hope that might make you feel better. 
    she also had a pretty unhealthy lifestyle and a lot of people in her family have had cancer in various places and didn’t make it, so I guess the odds were against her. 

  •  Gosh, that is amazing and so uplifting. My sister has just been diagnosed and this gives me hope. Thank you