New diagnosis - in shock

  • 4 replies
  • 170 subscribers

Hello, I am currently in a state of shock. My husband had an endoscopy on Wednesday after taking the poop test that came through the door. We were told immediately after the endoscopy that there was a tumour in the colon and he would need a CT scan and MRI to check it hadn’t spread and to determine a treatment plan. We cannot believe that this is where we are because he is well and has had no symptoms!

We have there teenage children and haven’t told them yet because one has a final exam next week. After that we think the best approach is to be open and honest with them. Has anyone got any guidance on that?

I am trying not to think to far ahead and not to Google too much but am absolutely terrified.  Thanks

  • Hi Jd37, and welcome.

    I was facing the exact same dilemma a couple of months back. Similarly got two teenage girls, one doing her GCSEs. 

    Was upfront that daddy wasn't well, but just how unwell I wasn't prepared to go into. Certainly didn't mention the big scary C word. All your husband has at this point is the diagnosis, not the prognosis. Mentioning cancer now will raise more Qs from the children than you've got answers for.

    This period is truly the worst.  Once all the scans have been completed and you know the size and scale of the challenge will make it so much easier to have open and honest discussions with the children. You'll be in a better place to look at things objectively and with a sense of perspective. You and your husband will feel a darn sight better through having a definite plan of how you're going to attack this thing.

    Stay strong, believe in yourselves and the medical professionals who'll be looking after you.

    I wish you well.

  • Hi Jd37,

    Totally agree with the advice above… I faced the same situation in Nov 2023 after an colonoscopy and we told our girls once we had a plan from the MDT meeting. They had tears at first but have been so positive since and bring a sense of ‘normality’ to my current health! As they’re both at uni I contacted their tutors who made sure support systems could be put in place… perhaps you’ll consider contacting school/college for your teens too?

    Avoid Google, it’s scary and sometimes out of date!! Put your trust in your specialists and they will look after your husband well. And reach out to family and friends for support even for small stuff, people want to help but may not know what is best for you all.

    Stay strong x

  • Don't tell them anything until you have the results of the scans and have a treatment plan. Until then you don't know what you're dealing with. DON'T GOOGLE! Remember that bowel cancer is treatable if caught early enough. I have just received news that I am five years clear having had a Stage 3 diagnosis. There is plenty to be hopeful about. 

  • Hi

    i am in the same position as you. My husband had colonoscopy on Tuesday and told straight away a large tumour partially blocking the bowel.

    This was only because the FIT test in the post came back positive.

    Hes had no symptoms except the odd stomach pains that we all get. 

    He has to have CT scans to check spread and determine treatment.

    Shellshocked and terrified of scan results etc when we get the scan they have said 7-10 days until scan.

    Csnt stop the negative thoughts.

    thinking of you both x