My darling husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer 5 weeks ago following what was thought to be a burst haemorrhoid. Luckily our Go fast tracked him. When we saw the Oncologist he said the MRI , CT scan showed a shadow on James’s liver and lung.

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through and I can sympathise with your situation. my husband(age 40) was diagnosed with rectal cancer Feb 2023. It has also spread to his lungs(10 cancerous nodules) he underwent 3 months of intense chemo , then 5 weeks of radiotherapy. He was then re scanned and the rectal tumour is in remission but the lung nodules are still there. He has just done three months of chemo tablets and is about to start another three months of chemo tablets to keep everything stable and hopefully attack the nodules. There is treatment available on his lungs but it could affect his lung function and my husband enjoys his CrossFit and playing golf. My husband has coped with the treatment really well by staying active. It has and is a rollercoaster of emotions for us both on a daily basis. Any advice or just to chat I am here. 
lucy

Oh Lucy 

Frim the bottom of my heart thank you so much for reaching out to us. I’m all over the place. I’ve turned James)s bedroom into a beautiful tranquil space (we don’t share a room as I’m an insomniac and he snores to wake the  world lol), . Done lots of jobs around the house as I know once treatment starts I won’t have the energies do anything but be a driver and support Hames.

is there anything I should ask tomorrow? Anything I just prepare at home for James?
Warmest Blessings

Ann Xx

The hardest thing for me is that James doesn’t want to talk about it,  won’t  discuss it. Says he just wants to deal with each step as it comes. This means that I update our children, family and friends. Everything is going around and around in my head. I barely sleep 2 hours in 24 which is taking its toll as I’ve been ill with breathing problems etc for 6 months.  I feel like we are in a rollercoaster of a nightmare xx

Hi Ann, only people that are going through something similar understand what we are going through so we have to help and support  each other

Andrew was the same, For a long time after the diagnosis that he didn’t want to talk a lot about treatment etc and only wanted to know the next steps not any further but as time has gone on he has taken control of his treatment. This could be the same with James.

I have a 13 year old son and Andrew has a 20 year old daughter to seperate partners which has added to the stress as you want to act ok in front of them and support them through it. 

i took a pen and notebook with me to consults but don’t worry anything you are unsure about you can phone them up to clarify or ask anything anytime. 
If james is going to have chemo we found having plenty of snacks in and variety of foods because my husband Andrew just wanted to eat whatever he fancied at the time.

since Andrew started the chemo tablets we have slept in seperate bedrooms as he has been snoring so bad! I need my sleep otherwise I’m so grumpy. 
please remember to look after yourself Ann as you can’t look after James if you are running on empty .

lucy x

+1 to everything Bazza43 said. I am the patient, my wife was amazing but  I needed to focus on what I needed to do next - I didn't want to know the details, the risks, alternatives etc, just take the steps as you said. 

One thing I didn't do but has helped others is to set up a FB group or WhatsApp chat where you update people in bulk. For me - I kept updates to a very few people and personally I preferred that. 

Dear Lucy

Today not a good day.

James’s Cancer too aggressive. Liver very cancerous. Therefore, no chance of surgery just palliative care. I asked the prognosis whether months or years. Months. Aim to keep James comfortable whilst we live every moment.

I cannot bear it. However. I will.  Each moment from tomorrow will be filled with positivity.

so blooming frightened 

Ann xx

Hi Ann,

I am really sorry to hear what you and your husband are going through. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Keep doing what you are doing as everything is a treasured memory.in the making. 

I am sending you a big hug as well as Everyone needs a hug    

Take care

Mags xx

Dear Mags

Thank you so very much.

We are spinning at the moment, we heard the words, we know the reality but it doesn’t make sense. Not at all.

Warmest Blessings 

ann xx

Hi ann

im so sorry to hear this, my positive thoughts are with you . Always here if you need someone to off load to x