43, bowel cancer, liver lesions and scared

Hi GeminiEm 

Welcome to the forum . 
Surgeons do not say that lightly so when you hear “curative intent “ hold onto it , write it out and Read it often . A patient once told me to keep my head where my body was and not allow it to slip off to the worst case scenarios . It takes time and there was lots of fails along the way and it was my mum I was supporting . 
Watching the way my mum’s team has managed her spread for the last 14 years has been very powerful.

It is a wonderful motivation having your little girl and I am so pleased you have her after all you went through .

We are here to support you as you work your way through your treatment plan.

Take care,

Court 

Thank you. It’s so fresh and you feel like it’s happening to someone else. Not sure how to feel, or feeling everything all at once. 

I struggle to keep my mind away from intrusive thoughts, my little girl helps but sometimes it’s sadder as all I can think about is her losing her mummy. But like you said, I have to hold on to the plan to cure me. 

I get my biopsy results later this week and liver specialist to talk through best approach for the liver, the lesions are so tiny, microscopic which I guess is a good thing so hoping chemo can clear or reduce them. The tumour in my bowel is also contained and not obstructing yet, so again another positive in this horrible situation. 

I don’t want to be on this journey, I want to be healthy and looking forward to my life with my little family watching my baby grow. I am hoping time will help allow me to accept this and feel more at peace with it. Does that happen or do you just get used to the new normal? 

I am going to tag in Star74  as she has navigated treatment as a young mum and might do you the world of good to connect and get that first hand experience.

I think everyone here would roll back time to a point when cancer was not part of the fabric of their lives that’s for sure and only a human reaction . But saying that most report it gets better with a plan in place and some structure surfaces about how to actually get it under control and in your case removed . 
A rollercoaster is how it’s often described and lots of emotions . Macmillan has teamed up with Bupa to offer six free counselling sessions if you feel that might be of help to you .

Our helpline staff on 0808 808 0000 can give you details but are also there for emotional support and May other things if you ever need a pick up .

You are definitely not on your own .

Thinks sound as though they are small in size so that is good . My mum has had 73% of her liver removed and it still does well .

Take care ,

Court 

Hi @gemini

Hi GeminiEm ,

I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, especially at this time when you should be in a happy bubble with your little one.

I was diagnosed at 46, my little ones were 3 and 6.  This was over 3 years ago now, boys are growing fast and I am turning 50 this year, something I really didn't think I would see when I was diagnosed. 

I had primary in the bowel and spread to my liver which was pickled.  Deemed inoperable and a poor prognosis.  However, I had a good response to chemo and went on to have a liver op, radiotherapy and a couple of bowel ops.

As court says, they don't use the word curative lightly, def hold on to that.  Hopefully chemo will clear the liver, everything they took from mine was dead so I had a complete clinical response to the chemo and it still remains clear now.

You will find you learn to accept this but it will take time, it's still very early days and I promise you will feel better when you get a treatment plan and start chemo, it will give you some control back.  It sounds like you have been through some tough times so you know you are strong, you can do this. Try not to get overwhelmed with the what ifs, just deal with this one step at a time.

The best thing you can do now is get yourself as healthy as possible, exercise has been key to my journey, even just a walk with the buggy, it's great for the mind and the cancer doesn't like it either!

Please keep us updated and ask any questions, this is a great place to get support.

Michelle x

Hi GeminiEm, I'm extremely sorry to hear about your diagnosis- it's so tough but it's very good you've found this forum; people here are very kind and knowledgeable. MacMillan are such a help and I do think also speaking to them on the phone would be good- they can help so much with counselling, financial advice and just a chat- and are just very kind people to speak to who are not part of your family/ friends so you're not worrying them. I don't have children and can only imagine how hard that is. I was diagnosed recently at 42 so though I don't have children I and many others here understand being diagnosed at a relatively young age and the total shock whilst simultaneously also preparing yourself for quite big treatments and operations- I get it- it's a lot. Your hospital sound like they have a great plan and as Court says curative means a lot. I always find I feel much better when I do see my team and when I feel I am getting on with treatment- I always feel mentally hugely lifted by them. I also try at trickier times to just do one day at a time, I don't always succeed at all but it does help. Sending you love and a big hug

Thanks Court. 

I def feel like there is the before cancer and after cancer person. I don’t see “me” at the moment when I look in the mirror. 

Thanks for the advice on counselling will look that up x 

 Star74 thank you so much. And I am also so sorry for your diagnosis. Two boys so young must have been so hard. My little one is 1 in two weeks, it breaks my heart. I feel sick every min from worry. One day you are looking at having another 40 years left of life and next you can’t see past tomorrow. It’s so hard

Your story is reassuring and I am so pleased it is working for you and hope it stays that way. 

I exercise a lot so will keep that up, altho I do feel that running makes it worse, I know it doesn’t and it’s in my head! 

I will let you all know my plan today x 

 KimLondon hi Kim, thank you for your message. It’s so reassuring to hear other young people who are going through similar. But also so sad and I’m am so sorry you are also going through this. I totally understand how you feel. 

I am hoping that once I have my plan and chemo I will feel better. I just can’t believe I’m on this journey. It’s so unfair. 

I read your bio and looks similar to me bar the ovaries. did you have chemo first or surgery? Hope it all goes so well for you x 

Hi GeminiEm, thank you for your message, it really helps to connect with people in similar situations doesn't it- and thank for your very kind works. 

Yes I think you will feel better with a plan and starting chemo because you feel you have things to get on with and that action is happening. 

Yes I think it sounds like we're very similar- my ovary might be to do with a previous issue I had with one- I am currently having chemo to hopefully shrink the primary tumour and other bits so I can have surgeries- I've just had my 4th- I've been quite fortunate with chemo side affects and have been able to carry on doing things which has really helped too. 

Take good care and keep in touch xx