Telling family

Hi sorry to hear your news but you’ve came to the right place. I personally believe it’s your journey and it’s up to you how you deal with it not other people. 
I think it’s quite selfish of your sister in law falling out with you rather than supporting you. It’s your mum and up to you whatever you decide. Just give yourself time to breath ️and think about yourself. 
Your sister in law is the selfish one in my opinion. 

Thank you.

I get that its hurting her to stay quiet but its only until I'm ready .

. Morning Smiffey, first of all, I am so sorry you have got this diagnosis, we all know how tough this is. Please belive me when I say you are not being cruel or selfish. I had the same  decision to make last July when I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. My husband was aware as he came to all my appts and we told our children who are adults. I also told my siblings and after discussions, decided not at that time to tell our mum. My mum is a robust 80 year old who is amazing and not just because of her age. We had already lost a sibling, aged 9 to BC in 1973 and this event changed my mum forever so I thought, thankfully backed up by husband and siblings not to tell her until after surgery and staging . Had I told her immediately, she would of cancelled her travel plans to spend the summer at our family home near Bordeaux so by keeping my illness amongst ourselves eanbled her to have this well deserved break and not have to decide, shall I stay or shall I go. I did tell her 2 weeks post surgery, when she came back from France and she appreciated not being told at the time. My brother also passed in August so the worry would have been made worse as the timing of the year was the same. I think your SIL needs to be reminded this is your journey and your tale to tell. Good luck and remember, its not that you are hiding anything from her but you need to have absorbed your diagnosis and know what the treatment plans are as only being able to tell her half the story will make her worry more. Stick to your guns

Thank you so much, I so hope your keeping well now and all going to plan

And that ok if that’s right for you. Breathing time to get your own head round it all.️

Hi I was diagnosed in sept 21 and I did not tell anyone at first my husband was the only person 

I think as your mum is 82 I really think it is up to you when or if you tell your mum 

you are definitely not selfish and your sis in law should be supporting you at this time and I think she is the selfish person 

I wish you well and hope that you have a speedy recovery 

caroline x

Hi there you have had some lovely advice and support but wanted to add. 

You know your mother best !

A daughter and mothers bond is close and you will know when or if to tell her. 

The in laws should keep their own counsel 

Take care of yourself. I hope that you have support. Keep chatting here if it helps 

Smiffey I was diagnosed with secondary cancer last year and didn’t tell my elderly father in law until 7 weeks post surgery. I must be selfish and cruel too. I’ve since found out I have another spread. I haven’t told him again. He’s almost 90 and has suffered a couple of falls recently. I think we all need to give ourselves enough time to digest what we’re told., and then make a judgement on who, or what we tell. Fingers crossed that you soon have a treatment plan in place. 

Hello Smiffey,

You are most definitely not being selfish or cruel. Without meaning to be rude, I think your sister in law is being cruel in falling out with you. It is your choice to not tell your mum at this time. Sometimes we need to get our head round it all and wait till there's a plan for treatment before we tell others. We need the time to process our diagnosis and once there is a plan, it really will feel a bit easier. You may decide to tell your mum further down the line or maybe not at all. Either way it has to be your decision. There is lots of support on here and on the bowel cancer UK site. It may be that your sister in law wants to be able to discuss her own feelings about your diagnosis. Hopefully you'll make up soon. 

Cheryl x