New here, not feeling great

I am thinking of you with warm regards, hoping all will turn out better than you imagine, it is our thought processess that are hard to control, I wish you all the Best. And heres to the next birthday  . I

Thanks xx

Totally understandable as it’s another unknown . They are obviously wanting another visual in there . I think they are inclined to say if a cell is cancerous though so hold onto that . 
Hopefully tomorrow will bring some reassurance.

Take care ,

Court 

Hi Court

Thank you, I'm hoping so... But I think part of the problem is that it just hit me that this is my life now, check ups, scares ... On and on . This last year was difficult, but reading posts on here, I know it's not just me and others have had a far more difficult journey... I just feel helpless and I'm too much of a control freak so feeling ridiculously overwhelmed.  

Really shouldn't complain, particularly to those who are also going through this, we all have enough on our plates. Funny I was upset for about 48hours when they told me I had cancer and need a colonoscopy stoma straight away last april. I think it was not knowing what the journey would be that made it somehow easier. The doctors had a plan and I followed it....Just kept swimming (as in finding dory says). I know they'll have a plan again what ever this is, it may derail the ilostomy reversal of may not...I'm tired of not being in control I suppose.

I think that’s entirely reasonable . And your experience and emotions are entirely valid to you and must be allowed to work through them but by bit . That’s what we are here for .

To be honest as a carer I think once the adrenaline subsided around the first year I felt I sunk a bit . You are only human and this is a lot . A Detour is never welcome . Everyone wants away as quickly as possible from the system . However you will get over this bump and move forward with your plans .

We are always making adjustments. My mum must be on her 46/47 th scan yet waiting on the scan results was more challenging this time . It’s often frustrating but it never ceases to amaze me how we can muddle through and struggle over to a better approach.

We can muddle through together . We are here for you .

Court 

Thanks for understanding, I've called the hospitals counselling service have a pre assessment on 9Th May. Think that's a good way forward. Did have counselling during chemo, but I know I need to talk to someone. 

Thanks for understanding. 

Regards 

Neena

No , it’s my mum who is the patient . She has been in and out of treatment for 14 years and I have drawn strength by coming here most of that .

Lots of people have been through counselling here and have found it very helpful . The important thing is to find a way forward and I think you have been very wise .

So glad you have initiated that .

Take care ,

Court 

Hi 

I think the thing that's but me the most is the longevity of possible treatment. When I spoke to surgeon and oncologist at the start of my journey. They very much described a difficult and intensive year of treatment. But they were confident they could remove tumour and in spite of the complications to the resection in December they had done.  So I was concentrating on managing the complications and awaiting ilostomy reversal, bought forward due to complications. With the results being abnormal it hit me that I'm not done and that actually it may never really be done... The idea of having treatment after treatment, either to deal with problems with resection, cancer or ilostomy, really knocks me for six. I know people do it... 

Hello Neena 

You’ve been through a lot of treatment and highs and lows. It’s hard to process I know. 

I can really empathise with you just when you think it’s okay bang that hammer hits you square on the noggin 

I don’t feel I’m on a roller coaster I feel I’m more like one of those moles in the fairground I think it’s called Whack a mole. 
I pop my little mole head gingerly out of the hole and smash. Down comes that hammer 

I hope this make you smile. 
I am now off for a mammogram! So it’s squashed boobs for me. 

Let’s all hope for a good summer 

Sending you a hug 

Thank you Artsie for putting into words exactly how it feels."wack a mole."Im going to remember that

All the best with the mammogram

Kath