Dad has a recent diagnosis of metastatic bowel cancer in the lungs and liver

Hi Roadrunner65 

I am so sorry to read about your situation with your parents . It reminds me of my own situation having just lost dad who had the start of dementia. Mum has been dealing with a metastatic spread since 2009 . Thought she was clear but found by accident whilst in hospital for a different reason , it was back in her lung and lymph nodes. She is eighty.

I find myself torn as I have seen my mum go through various years of treatment and a bit gutted to think of more .Also she has been through tough times of late . However in terms of treatment my understanding it comes down purely to fitness to endure treatment,  not age . Saying that I am just not sure how much my mum could endure ,  we shall find out I guess . I honestly think if it is too rough she will look at stopping it right away .

Her oncologist has offered her various options with biological agents and low dose chemo to see how she goes . This we have to discuss further once the scans are in .

To be honest I am hoping it’s slow growing and we can hold off .

If she starts treatment we know it will be closely reviewed one cycle at a time .

Your dad is entitled to a second opinion at any point in time . Sometimes it’s good to hear other peoples views .

We have the assurance of an oncologist that knows her well . I feel for you as these are not easy decisions. Even the winter bed crisis is stressing me a bit . 

Take care ,

Court 

Thank you for your reply and I hadn’t thought about getting a second opinion. I have encouraged him to talk to as many people as possible but it’s hard for someone of his generation. 

Hi roadrunner

Firstly sorry for your news. I can understand as my wife has metastatic cancer of bowel liver and lungs. She had a cycle of chemo which at first she coped with but once she hit the 4th dose it hit hard. She is only 56 and otherwise fit and healthy. A lot of what you said hit home as my mum had dementia and it finally took her at age of 84. So I understand your anguish and pain. My advice would be to let him decide. If he wants chemo then let him but he has to realise what it will make him feel like. There is no right and wrong. If he don't want chemo then who knows he may stay asymptomatic for a long time and therefore still be active and strong. It's a tough horrible decision. My best wishes are with you and your family take care of yourself. 

Hi Roadrunner65.

I concur with Court and Coys.

Your dad's consultant can offer you contact details of other specialsts to get a 2nd opinion from. They won't be offended, it is common practice.

And do listen to what your dad wants and his quality of life preferences. I can confirm that even from angle of originally being fit and young, chemo is quite a tough journey for some of us. However, the prognosis change by doing chemo was what sold it for me.

I'd suggest you also consider looking at whether this could help your father's case:

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../personalised-care

Thank you for your kind words. He decided to go ahead and try the chemo. I made sure he talked to as many people as possible, including the MacMillan volunteers which helped him a lot. If the side effects get too much he will stop and try to make the best of the good health he has left. Thankyou for replying.

He decided to try it on those terms too. That it might help extend his life. It is a gamble but it is one he took with the best of intentions and our next appointment with the consultant was very different and he supported dad exploration into the possibility of having palliative chemo.