Hi.. new to all this.. new to lots of things in the last few days sadly.
My partner and mother to our 2 kids (4 and 2) has been diagnosed with colon cancer that has spread to her Liver, Lymph nodes and parts of her lungs. Feeling unwell the last few weeks she was asked to go for a routine CT scan last friday night.. (be prepared to stay in for 1 night)... 7 days later and still in hospital we were told she had 2 tumours on the colon (no blockages found) and it had spread into the lymph nodes, parts of her Liver (causing the nausea she went in for) and some areas of concern on the lungs...
Still awaiting the biopsy results but the original plan for surgery to remove the tumour has been replaced with start the chemo first to contain the spread. We're terrified.
She has lost her father and 2 friends (under 40) to cancer... I've lost my dad and sister.
We have 'good days' and 'bad days'.. she doesnt want to know stages, timescales or have any more 'dr google' read or sent to her. She just want the treatment plan and to know the plans for what they do and when... the rest she'll deal with as and when she needs to....
Coming home to the kids was the best medicine for her but also a scary reminder of whats ahead... treatments she can handle and god knows the poor girl can handle pain.. but the thought of what might happen so soon in her life (41 next month) is terrifying us both.
So many things happen everyday just to push home that 'reminder' that before you wouldn't give a second thought too... a funeral ad on tv, a life insurance flyer through the door, the kids already planning their Christmas list for this year... we can laugh about it to a degree but then night time or a lull in the day comes and it hits us both... hard..
The doctors and nurses were brilliant.. but each one had a different bedside manner and the choice of words makes such a difference to the mental state you are left with.
While she was in hospital I ran between the school/nursery and hospital.. got the kids fed, bathed, dressed and stories and bedtime.. then the dark and silence fell and as much I push the dark thoughts away they'd invade you head and keep you awake. I was told to look after myself too as they all need me now more than ever, but food, chewing and swallowing became so difficult.. crazy I know and I feel so selfish even saying it, I'm not the one going through this.... just wanted to put this all down and out there....
Family and friends have been great but very few are nearby. A text late at night or a phone call during the dashing around helps but I just want her well again. I want the silly arguments over silly things, I don't want the cupboard full of medication, I don't want her phone constantly ringing with doctors, palliative care, hospices and friends who have 'just read this on Google!'.. despite the good intentions of all it makes this all seem so 'damn real'.. she was only nauseous for a few weeks.. what the hell just happened?
Hi Thoughts
I wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re all going through this It’s terrible to be told this diagnosis when your are both so young
I think you are going through this definitely You’re sharing this and you may find support here.
It’s so hard on our loved ones, my husband was so upset over my diagnosis as he’d always been the one that was at a hospital appointment and smiled his way through. He was floored with me. I’m fine now but at the time he struggled more than me.
Do keep talking here if it helps.
Ann
I hope so too. There are many stories here that have had amazing results. I hope that you have some plan soon. Take care of yourself. Keep posting if it helps.
Ann
