Hi
I have been wondering what I/we might say to our 7 year old son about his dad having cancer and his treatment. I have read some of the information out there but in my head and maybe its because of my own issues and negative images and associations about the word, that I'm not sure whether to use the actual word "cancer" or to talk about it in more general terms. So he still knows daddy has not been feeling well and he needs an operation and medicine to make him better. I really struggling with this because I struggled with anxiety as a child so I am extremely conscious of creating an environment for him where he feels safe and secure. I don't want him worrying about dad or me.
Hi Kat55
I wanted to say hello
I haven’t experienced what you are experiencing as my children are grown.
It’s very difficult and you are doing the right thing to research as much as possible before explaining in full descriptive language. I worked with children and I fully understand your reluctance saying Cancer, you have explained the ongoing treatment which I think will comfort your son.
In my experience children need to know what’s happening day to day and not worry about the future. They worry about all kinds of things don’t they?
Hopefully someone here will have had the same experience as you and be able to share
You take care of yourself.
Ann
Hi ,
My mum was staying with me during chemo and my kids were 7 and 9 . Different relationship as a grand parent but they did have to have it explained to them .
We made one big mistake , we explained it from a biological point of view . A few cells that were multiplying too fast and medicine was to sort that out . How they gave the medicine and how that would impact her body and some aspects they actually might see . We also gave them a chance to ask questions . We were aware that a few grandparents had cancer in their class so did not actually use the word cancer as we wanted to manage it stage by stage to reduce fears .
Where possible after a few days post surgery they were on the wards . They were in the cancer unit wards due to emergency admission and did give a bag of chemo a good squeeze before one left much to my horror . The big mistake I made , I forgot they could read and they read the signposts on the hospital wards and were shocked I did not mention cancer to them . I was surprised they knew what it meant as that did not come from me ! This happened towards the end of her treatment and just before surgery so was contained with explaining the next step in the process .
My own view is to trust your instincts. You know your child best and how to explain it in manageable chucks . What I would say the only long term impact I am aware of is their intolerance of dirty environments . I think I overdid the whole cleanliness thing around them . But there is a whole generation going through that now ! They are actually really lovely with people going through hard times in ways that surprise me , as are my nieces . I think they had exposure early on in their formative years . I did pay attention to anxiety and one did want to talk about death . But with the right support did well ,
Court
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