Hi. My wife had a bowel cancer op a year last January followed by 6 mths of chemo - no hair loss, but she suffered terribly with her feet. They were extremely painful (like walking on needles) & all the underneath skin peeled off. We got the "all clear" from a CT scan this January & celebrated with a bottle of champs. We booked a week away in the Lakes which starts on Monday.
THEN a routine colonoscopy showed up another large tumour in the same place as the previous one, stage 4b, so another 6 hr op in April. Since then she has been extremely tired (extreme fatigue) & keeps going dizzy (vertigo?). Her prognosis is poor. She's not getting any better, despite her best efforts.
I spoke to a Macmillan lady yesterday who suggested I join their forum. I am struggling with some of her comments & my own dark thoughts at times. Virtually no matter what the subject matter of a conversation, my wife always seems to turn it round to be about her cancer. Although perfectly understandable, I am finding this very hard going & wearing, and I don't quite know how to deal with it. She's also mentioning "assisted suicide" as a possible option - what?
Any input would be welcome from those more experienced in these matters.
Thank you.
Hi Redrobo
Welcome to the forum ! So sorry to hear about your wife’s recent diagnosis. That must have been quite a blow for you both !
I think sometimes you just know deep down inside that you can’t meet all the needs that the situation demands and getting some external input really helps ease it .
Do you think your wife would be open to some counselling? I think Macmillan helpline would be able to give you some information.0808 808 0000. My mum was the opposite in that she hated the conversation coming up at all ! However it does sound as though she needs some help to process the information she has been given and assistance to developing a way to deal with the information.
Is your Gp involved with her care ? The mental health aspects of a diagnosis must be very hard especially if the prognosis is poor . It might be a good idea to get some input from them too .
I am not sure if you are currently getting any time away from the situation but a carers role can be very demanding . I previously worked as a community occupational therapist and tried to encourage carers to set time away from the situation where they could have space to do something that helped build them up . For the long term needs of both you and your wife it is good to address the issues and get a balance . Maggie’s centres can also be good .
It can be very traumatic emotionally so getting some support around your wife other than you can help .
You are also welcome to post here at any time . I am happy to listen . Sometimes also just getting the opportunity to be truthful about the needs can help . It’s not an easy situation on anyway and we can draw strength and encouragement from each other .
Is your wife currently having treatment !
Take care ,
Court
Helpline Number 0808 808 0000
So pleased you got away ! Happy 80 th birthday ! What a special time for you .
You post at whatever time is possible. We totally understand . It’s sad your GP is not able to assist more . My mum’s has played a vital role in supporting us all through this .
Has your wife not been referred to a palliative care team ?
Take care ,
Court
Helpline Number 0808 808 0000
Hi Redrobo
Oh fantastic. Enjoy your trip away . That will be a good lift for you both . Someone once suggested setting a time each day to sit and discuss issues but agree to having time off from discussions too so that you can enjoy other things .
I hope the Lake District is a time for enjoying the time together.
Court
Helpline Number 0808 808 0000
