Living with The Big C

Hi, i am a non-smoker, non-drinker, rarely ever eat red meat, Healthy (apart from odd takeaway - we're only human right), aged 41(at diagnosis) who was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer with a delightful 17 nodes infected in December 2020, I am not in the doctors statistics (being typically over the age of 70) for having this type of cancer but yet here i am facing it head on.

After a bowel resection i am now on Folfox Chemo for the next 6 months. I didn't get to choose my chemo option due to my DPYD gene mutation which meant i had only this type of chemo as an option and if this was intolerable they'd have to go down another route (dread to o think what that might have looked like but thankfully i am coping on the current treatment at a reduced rate).

I'm currently 4 cycles in to a 12 cycle treatment plan and although the side effects are accumalitive i've found that because i know what's coming after treatment its not such a shock to the system anymore and i can cope better with all the burning sickness and neurapathy.  One side effect i didn't understand was when they mentioned 'chemo brain' I was like okay sounds horrific don't want that...... but actually it means your memory is not so hot on the ball and your words take longer to come out.  You know what you want to say and you get frustrated because it's still you but just a slightly glitchy version of yourself.  Which brings me to how i made friends with my take home chemo buddy 'Princess Venelope' the glitch from Disnsy Wreck It Ralph - She is my avatar and i talk to her all the time like we're working together to kick cancers ass.  The days when i cant lift my head off the pillow or cant stop the waves of nausea I tell myself that's its okay because if your making me feel like this then the cancer must be suffering too.  Another delightful effect of the chemo is i've found that my lung capacity is shocking!

People around you will have all loving wise words of "You Got This" "Kick Cancers Ass" and the did you know people.... who think they can cure you with herbs and good only knows what concoctions and they mean well but sometimes you just wanna be left the hell alone and eat that damn easter egg you've put off eating because its unhealthy or fear it will feed the cancer.. but when you're feeling crappy all you want is something to make it better even if just for a minute.

I find it hard seeing the strain this has caused my husband and kids.  They are on the side lines watching not being able to take away what's trying to kill you and not knowing how many days you have left with them but trying to stay positive and keep them reassured everyday as best i can i carryon - and whilst ive been harshly judged by people for making videos of my journey on social media of me laughing and bad days too - people just assume you are invincible and nothing bothers you but in fact the videos were to remind me of how far i had come since my diagnosis and i have also adapted my thoughts on peoples opinions in that they don't matter i'm the one with cancer going through treatment so their opinions and judgements are just a bad reflection on themselves.

I feel for my husband and kids and i hope and pray that i like everyone else beats dancing with the devil and has a happily ever after the Big C. My only aim is to try and enjoy each day as it comes one day at a time