Back in June 23’ I had acute appendicitis and rushed in for a scan and subsequent surgery.
During the follow up appointment I was told that I had stage 4 cancer in my colon which had metastasized to my liver. Between December 23’ and March 24’ I then went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. April 24’ I had a liver resection which successfully removed the cancerous nodule.
July 4th 24’ was the day I entered hospital for my colon operation. Little did I know what would happen over the next few months. I don’t remember anything whatsoever between July and December of 24’. It was a complex high-risk surgery and whatever could have gone wrong, did!
Three months in ISU with 3 bouts of sepsis, two litre blood loss from an arterial bleed and a 6-week coma from which I struggled to wake. Eventually when I did wake, I suffered with delirium. (which has affected my mental health). Further operations on my abdomen were made leaving me with a stoma and constant bladder infections. Fentanyl, Ketamine, Morphine were just some of the cocktail of drugs I was on. I also lost 4 stone in weight through muscle wastage.
Recovery from the above had been a nightmare. I had to learn to eat solid food and learn to walk again with intense physio over months. I was discharged just before my birthday in May 25’.
At home, I then had to continue with the intense physio with therapists visiting to continuing to help me gain strength and get me walking. It took over a month before I could manage the stairs or get the end of my street.
The following months was roller-coaster of good days and bad. I continued with regular visits to the hospital for appointments and scans. On one scan it was discover that the cancer had metastasized and I had nodules on my left lung. I subsequently had an ablation operation. I had to wait six weeks before I could have the scan to see if it was successful. Unfortunately, it was not. The nodules had grown bigger, and I was told I had 6-12 months to live.
My ongoing battle with bladder bacterial infections has been extremely difficult, leaving me with a catheter and taking multiple types of antibiotics. 10th February 26’ it was at it’s worse. The infection had spread from my bladder and was tracking to the surface. I was taken into hospital once again. I was given Gentamicin antibiotic via a drip and taken for another full body scan. The results of the scan showed that I am at high risk of the infection leaking into to my groin and causing sepsis. However, there was one silver lining from the scan in that the nodules on lung had got smaller. The previous diagnosis was just scarring tissue from the ablation growing.
I am living with stage 4 cancer with severe bladder infections, and my prognosis is high risk but unknown. TBH it is more likely infection and sepsis will end me and not the cancer. Going through all of this, as detailed above, has left me with complex PTSD for which I have recently started therapy.
I just feel broken, I’ve lost all my friends and wonder what’s the point of being here. I feel invisible.
