Overwhelmed with emotions towards end of treatment

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I’ve had my penultimate treatment today and I am usually so upbeat and positive but today I have been an emotional mess. I am so scared it hasn’t worked, so scared I might have to tell my children, my other family members, my close friends it hasn’t worked and I know I have surgery as another option and this I am truly grateful for and probably countless other options that I’m unaware of but the emotions I’m feeling now are like the ones I felt at first diagnosis. The fear I’m feeling for pending scans is overwhelming and getting so cross that I’m not being my usual ‘You’ve got this self’. I thought I would literally be punching the air with delight that I’m nearly at the end!

Kareno62 1 hour ago

Hi Wenglish Yes cancer treatment is a roller coaster of emotions isn’t it. I remember having my final chemo (which was post surgery in those days) and feeling quite despondent as I left the unit - I think I felt a bit like my security blanket had been taken away and all I had would be scans and CEA checks for reassurance.

Chemoradiotherapy and chemo are usually used to shrink rectal tumours and blast lymph nodes before surgery - you may be lucky and have a complete response whereby the tumour has been totally obliterated - but more often than not surgery is the next step to remove what’s left of the tumour and surrounding area of lymph nodes.

You've done amazingly well with your treatment so far so give yourself a big pat on the back and plan a nice treat for after that final session. My colorectal nurse told me I’d had a ‘reasonable’ response to the chemoradiotherapy and the tumour had shrunk by 75% which I thought was pretty good! Any shrinkage at all helps the surgeon to remove it and reconnect the bowel that is left so don’t feel that it hasn’t worked - you ‘have got this’ but just having a little wobble.

Sending you a hug virtual hug

Karen x

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

Wenglish 1 hour ago in reply to Kareno62

Kareno62 thank you for your reply. The oncologist did say it’s like a 75% chance this would work if not surgery. You are right I shouldn’t look at it as this hasn’t worked but it’s just part of the journey of getting rid instead of focusing on I might be one of the lucky ones. Thank you so much that has helped me refocus on the bigger picture x