What to tell the children?

Lee_L 1 month ago

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I see a lot of you have young children and wondered what you told them about your diagnosis? is there anything you regret you’ve said?

I have two grandchildren aged 6 & 9. I used to spend loads of time with them but since my op and chemo this is limited because of my tiredness and their bugs which can coincide with my good days. They know I’m ill but no details - their parents don’t want the C word mentioned. We all miss each other terribly. The 9 year old asks questions and I have to be very vague and make light of things. I had what I thought was to be my penultimate chemo today but my oncologist now wants to extend chemo for another 3 months - just when I thought I was getting to the end date. What can I say to them?

Kareno62 1 month ago

Hi Lee_L This wasn’t an issue for me personally but you might find some help in this post?

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/bowel-colon-rectum-cancer-forum/f/general/286535/talking-to-children

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

Scientist44 27 days ago

My husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer just over a year ago and has been through radiotherapy, chemotherapy and a major op. We have 2 children age 5 and 8 so not too different in age to your grandkids. We have gone for a strategy of being quite open and honest with them but have also avoided using the terms cancer and tumour. We are both scientists so have chosen to talk about it in a scientific way - we have talked about how cells in your body can sometimes go wrong and that we need to get rid of the ‘bad’ cells. We have discussed what the doctors are doing to try to get rid of these bad cells and why treatment causes side effects. Their daddy now has 2 stomas and they understand how these work.

During chemo last winter when the kids were coming home with the usual coughs and colds, we explained to them how it was very important that their germs be kept away from Daddy. We had various policies in place to try to minimise the risk particularly around washing hands when entering the house, not being allowed on to our bed, no longer snuggling together in bed for bedtime story, using separate bathrooms etc.

While difficult at times, the kids have coped with everything remarkably well. They really are more resilient than we give them credit for a lot of the time. Obviously a lot of this will depend on the children and I can only talk from my own personal experience. But at least for our kids I think they are less anxious about what’s happening if they feel like they have some understanding of what is going on.

I wish you all the best with the remaining chemo and I hope you manage to spend some quality time with the grandkids soon.

Lee_L 25 days ago in reply to Scientist44

Thanks for this. I think that’s the approach I’ll take. I saw my boys today and was ready to answer their questions but they didn’t ask any. However I do feel a bit more prepared now.

We tend to watch Operation Ouch together so I figure a few questions may be raised next time we watch the program.
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