My Dad 66yr old with bowel cancer stage 4 with liver mets

Hi Jules,

Jules it has been a really hard year on this thread.  Before joining this forum I never really used the internet and have really found the people on here a lifeline when things got tight. It has been such a support and to be honest I have found it so hard to see people hurting so much and being powerless to take any of it away.

The meeting with the oncologist went well and mum will be scanned again in JUNE !! However they will do her cea regularly and readdress if required which is great. And for the first time on this journey in 2 1/2 years my mum had a wee cry!!

Much love to all,

Court

Hi Court, and who ever else may still be popping in!  Court you are so right, it has been a real tough one on here...  And you my friend (the first one who replied to by post!) and many other friends on here are what does get so many of us through.  I seeked comfort in the fact that it wasn't just Dad and our family going through the hideous journey that cancer throws at you... but then like you also felt helpless as some of my friends went down that same path, and just gutted that these people that got 'me' through it, were then dealing with the same burden and loss...

And you and your Mum are the 'Good News' story on here, and that brings tears of joy to me, that there is hope out there, for so many just venturing into the world of diagnosis.  I bet your Mum cried, a cry of relief, and a break from scans, but then they are still monitoring her which is just fantastic.  

Take care all XXX

Hi everyone,

Thinking of you all.

Melissa thinking of you today .

Love Court

Thanks Court

On my 2nd very  large glass of wine to reward myself for getting through today and the last year. 

Thinking of everyone too.

Best Wishes

Jackie xx

Hi all, Jackie you so deserve a wine (or two) Wishing you love today and on Christmas day. Well it's our first Christmas without Dad this year, and it's going to be tough... but tougher again going to the family fishing hut, and not seeing him in his 'seat' where he always was, but also knowing how happy he be that we will all be in his/our special place... Wishing you all a wondeful Christmas, but know it's not only going to be tough for me, but many of you special people out there without our special ones. God bless you all and your loved ones xxx

It is tough Jules but what can we do. Last Christmas for us was just a blurr. this feels like our first too.  i have two great kids and some wonderfully supportive friends. 

What would we do without them.

Take care

Jackie xx

You are so right Jackie, what can we do... I bet last Christmas was a blurr. So lovely to hear that you have kids and friends! And you are right with that too, I often commented to Mum and Dad that I don't know how those people out there get by who don't have that - 'cause as sad as it is, it does happen.

Take care all

Hi All,

It has been a difficult year on our thread so I will be keeping you all in my thoughts tonight. Hoping 2012 will bring healing and comfort. We have had a great Christmas and feastive period, but I just want to slip into New year without a fuss.

Love to all,

Court

Hello to all on this site...

I am hoping that everyone had the best Christmas that they could under the circumstances, and that 2012 brings some smiles and less heartache than 2011.

Our Christmas was lovely, we had a special toast to Dad and our kids all said something nice about what they remember or miss about their special Poppy... our wee fella '5' especially had a lot to say (he has a severe speech problem) so that was so special to hear his lovely memories... so we brushed away the tears and had a drink and enjoyed the rest of day as Dad would have wanted.

We spent New Year at Mum and Dad's fishing hut, and that was extremely hard. Dad was a builder and seeing everything there that he had made, so purposely for him and Mum to enjoy broke by heart. Dad was a perfectionist, and put so much thought into every little thing he did... it was a hut - no flash bits anywhere, but if Dad could see something that could be used somewhere rather than throwing it out, then he would, a little nail here to hold that, a string here to keep that in place... everything so organised. It brought smiles feeling like Dad was smiling at us doing what he loved us to do, and knowing that he was right beside us... and tears too x

Well my dear friends, I hope you are finding something to smile about too xxx

Hi Jules and everyone who reads this thread.

I just read your post and it has made me come on and write to you all.  I know this christmas was hard for so many of us this year as it was without our loved one.  Its so sad when you start reading this thread to realise that a majority of the patients are now no longer with us.

I am so glad Jules that you had a "lovely" christmas and that you enjoyed the day.  I to had a reasonable day.  At 9 in the morning I was crying under the duvet just wanting the day to swallow me up and for it to go away, however the boys came in with their stockings and eventually the day got going.  The day turned out to be quite enjoyable.  We stayed at home and my mum and dad came over Christmas Eve and stayed until 27th, the same as they have done for the last 20 years.  The difference was Alex's sister came for dinner with her partner and it really helped.  I'm glad with the way we did it this year but I would not mind doing something completely different next year.  (thinking of going to Oz to see my sister and brother)

I found New Years Eve the hardest.  I didn't want to go out so I invited some very good friends around here.  In total it was 10 adults and 8 children.  I got myself in such a state trying to decide how I could entertain them and what food to do.  I know they all understood the situation and they were quite happy just to sit a cry with me but I didn't want to do that neither did I want to celebrate.  I felt that I did not want to say goodbye to 2011 as Alex was part of that year and in it whereas he would not be a part of 2012.  In the end I decided to do a dinner party for the adults and the kids went in the playroom with pizza and drink!!! What an evening it was the best thing I could have done and it went really well.  Infact we all said that although it was a very sad evening it was the best New Years Eve we had had in a long time.  Unfortunatly at 1.30 after too much wine I cracked and dissolved into tears....

At this moment in time however I feel good.  I feel strong and happy.  I loved Alex with all my heart and I would give anything to have him back again healthy.  However I know that whatever I do or say or how many tears I cry, he won't be coming back and there is nothing I can do to change it.  Yes I miss him at sometime most days but I am beginning to smile when I think of him rather that cry.  The boys are doing so well and they don't want me crying all the time so I have decided to get on.

Maybe it is to early but I really don't care what others think, Alex tried to prepare me for life without him and he would not want me sitting around mopping.  I have just joined a single social organisation.  Not to meet anyone special but just to get out and meet new people.  All my friends are couples and don't tend to go out anywhere just to the pub or round someones house.  I don't mind it but sometimes it wil be nice not to feel like a spare wheel.  Also it will be good not to have to talk about how I feel and how sad the whole situation is.  A friend is coming with me.  I am also joining the organisation WAY which is widowed and young.  I have heard good things about that.

So that is me.  How about everyone else.  I often think about everyone on here and I hope you are all doing well.  Jules, keep smiling and remembering your dad.  I try to talk to the boys about Alex often and its good that we can talk about him and remember him.  Ann how are you doing?  I really do think of you as I know what you are going through.  I hope the singing, acting and dancing are going ok.  Court how is your mum.  She is a tough cookie.  Jackie if you read this I hope you are doing ok too.

I have taken your advice and I am now doing Spain if Feb half term, usa in June/July and Spain again for summer holidays. (all with the boys)  looking forward to it.

Take care everyone

Jacqui