My Dad 66yr old with bowel cancer stage 4 with liver mets

Hello all, Jacqui so nice to hear from you... And the fact that you feel strong and happy shows what a strong lady you are and that as you said Alex made you strong for what lay ahead. You know once you get that 'cancer' diagnosis I truely think that the grieving starts... As we all know no two cancers are ever the same and what lies ahead is somewhat out of our control, as a lot of us know no matter what we do we just can't change that outcome. But as you say Jacqui, and I hear Ann's voice too! We/you did all that could possibly have been asked... and not/ and fought the old cancer battle with everything we have but as my Dad said 'what will be will be' And that says it all really...

Jacqui timing means nothing, if you are ready to get out and about than I say bloody good on ya, it's all about you and the Boys now... you have done all that you could...

Jacqui it's got to b hard having two teenage boys, but at the same time I bet they help you immensley. Jacqui nothing is too soon if you are ready, and bloody hats off to you for getting out and about! You are a young gorgeous chick who deserves to be happy... and I totally get what you are saying about the 'spare wheel', you have always been part of a partnership and now it time for you and your boys xxx

Life seems so tough, and I often think.. why me!? But then I hop on here and remember that I am so not the only one (sorry for the other sufferes but it does help unfortunately). It's remembering the good times and how bloody lucky we are that we have to 'pin point!' Jacqui, love that you are travelling with your boys, Al would be so pleased.

Don't for one moment that I have forgotten anyone who pop's in and out of this thread because I so haven't... Court from the start, and her amazing Mum! Ann, you lost the inspirational Nev - who we all miss ... those inspirational stories of Nev biking around with his 'chemo' strapped to him! Magda who lost her beautiful love Gregory this time last year, Jacqui, Judy, Jenham, Mandy, patrick, Rhiannon, laurpat, gill, Ian, tuesday2, I have only named a few and please do not be offended if i have not named you, as if you know me... that is quite the norm! But if you were to pop back on here I would remember your story and know i have been thinking of you xxx

Here's to a brighter 2012 for us all xox

HI jules

I have not been on the site for many months(and dipped in and out anyway) and logged on the other day, and was so sad to read about all these people and their relatives who are not here anymore. I had "conversations" with many of them.

Unfortunately the site has changed and I cannot locate my old postings, but remembered this thread and one or two others.

This is to pass on my heartfelt sympathy to every one on this site and hope for a better 2012

Sue

XX

Hi Everyone,

Firstly it is so good to hear from you all.

Jules I am so glad that you had some positive thoughts of your dad to help you through Christmas.

When you gave your accout of your dad's fishing hut I realised you could have been writing about my grandfather . He made such an impact on my life that I named my son after him.

Jash, I am so glad you posted. I have been thinking of you and the boys. I know this has been so hard for you but I have to say that I think you are one powerful woman to tackle New Year in the way you did. I wish you the very best, you take good care .

Sue, It is lovely to hear from you and I am wishing you another round of succesful chemo. Keep posting!!

Love Court

Hi Jacqui and all others

Jacqui - Good to hear that you are keeping busy and moving your life forward. That's my way of coping too, getting on with things.  Like you I do have my moments which sometimes trigger when least expected.  December and the festive period was not good, too many bad memories but now that it's all over I have bounced back again.  As you know I also like my holidays have 3 booked going in May to, Turkey - Jul, Portugal & Sep, Spain got to have something to look forward too. Will take my clubs a get a few rounds of golf in.

Glad your boys are doing well, it's amazing how resilient  and strong kids can be. I am immensley pround of my two, they have coped so well. What would we do without them.

As much as when people said "it takes time" I could have throttled them it is very true.  2011 for me was about existing 2012 is about rebuilding my life.

Take care and keep in touch.

Best wishes to everyone.

Jackie

Hi,

Not sure if there is anyone around now!

We still journey on tackling the fluid retention that has been a clinical complication from surgery. We remain thankful for time we have. When my mum was first diagnosed my husband asked me how much time was I hoping for. I said three years, now as we wing our way round to the three year mark I realise it is just never enough when it  is someone you love. But three years seemed out of reach when we received the grime news and yet despite it all she is here. Sometimes I find it hard visually seeing the changes that the disease has brought to her body. But these are the days of our lives and we are doing our best to make them good ones.

Cea levels still frighten me as do hospital visits but if they keep behaving for a bit longer we will get to celebrate mum's 70 ( who would have thought it) and go on  the holiday we have actually booked.

Missing you all,

Journey well,

Court

Hello Court (and all)... always here!  XOX

Yes you are so right Court, I think no matter how long we get from dignosis it would never ever be enough.  And you are also right, what cancer does to peoples bodies just isn't fair... and for some it very quickly makes these changes and that's tough.  I still look at photo's of Dad when Cancer was well and truely a part of our everyday life, and find myself flciking through them fast and finding the ones of the strong man that I want to remember... before cancer.

Well it's still summer here, and it's been lovely having some great outdoor weather with the kids and of course 'keeping busy'.  Mum  is coming down today as our little fella Rhys will be six on Valentines day.  I find Myself getting quite angry.. I love my Mum to bits as you all know, but her way of keeping herself busy is cleaning (she always has been a 'clean freak' but I feel that that's all she does now) and she does stress quite a lot about the small stuff - and it's just not fair as if Dad was here, he would tell her 'oh for God sakes that doesn't matter' and do it in such a way that she would move on... but we don't have that liberty to do that... and it just isn't fair that cancer changes it all....  Sorry guys just venting!  But the good news is we have a birthday to look forward too! 

Ann, I see from your posts that you have been out driving and doing a whole lot of indendent things that, well when Nev was there it was just done together... Well done you, you deserve a HUGE pat on the back - that must make you feel so good about  yourself and give you some independence and strength to do these things!

Well all, like I say... I'm always here xxx

I too always still read posts and interested in any updates be them happy sad silly angry etc! i still dont like this new website layout! (nobody likes change lol).

I still think of my dad but i picture him doing silly things and though ill always remember what he was like those last 5 weeks..he wasnt the dad ive always known brown as a berry happy with a glass of red in his hand! i sometimes feel a bit guilty that i dont actively think of him more, but i still do get upset and once the flood gates have opened thats it! sometimes just easier to block it out and get on...im sure he'd understand.

Has anyone seen this website http://dearphotograph.com/archive its old photos put against present photos with captions..i thought i might quite like to do one maybe get an old one of my mum and dad at their front door, it would be nice to see..the website set me off blubbering like a baby mostly the animal ones! (im a total sucker for animals!) but lovely to see peoples memories, and most of them arent sad!

hope all having a good week x

Hi ,

I am delighted to hear from you both. It is lovely to know your still around.

Jules pack your mum over here I have work for her to do! (only joking). I have a few friends who clean so much that there is no evidence of life or dirty in their homes. I like a bit of order but this is way past that. I joke that they have turned cleaning into an art form but I am sure it starts to become a problem when it filters into your main activity of the day.

It must be so lonely for your mum and I am sure seeing you and the grand kids are a great therapy. But it is such a worry when you feel so sad for them.

Wiggles , your right to try and remember your dad in his good times. Even now I do that . I am going to look into your web link. We have a bit of a birthday coming up and mum would just love that.

Wiggles, to be honest the new site is a bit too much like facebook for me, I find it hard to get to the bowel pages and I have noticed the new members joining daily are down, but I am doing my best to work with it. I remember the last change took a lot of time to settle.

Jules, I could do with some of your sunshine. Rain here. Mum was busy today!!!!!, so I have spent the day painting. Keep threatening to charge for the services.

Hello Court, and Wiggles and anyone else looking in here! 

We had a nice few days with Mum and she looked after our kids when My Husband and I went out for our 15th Weddington anniversary!   Mum still struggling, at her house she does nothing but clean and gardening and at our house, she just seems to sit there (and believe me I have lots of cleaning to do!  he he)  I'm at a loss how to help her really, I can see how lost she feels... I'm hoping time will help her work through it.  But so hard for her as Dad and her were always together and I do think she lacks a lot of confidence that she just isn't sure about herself...

Wiggles, so nice that you have a lot of nice memories to draw upon, I think that is the key isn't it?  I will check out the website that you listed.  I have made up a digital photo book, don't know if you know what I mean but it's a real 'book' that I created on line with my photo's and got to choose backgrounds etc (like digital scrape booking I guess!).  I called it simple 'Roy' with photo's of Dad and lot's of him with our kids in it. (Roy because when he was in and out of hospital the nurses or Doctors would say 'right Mr Carson' and he would say 'I'm not Mr Carson, I'm Roy!')   I am so pleased with it, it looks amazing, one of Dad when he was a cute little boy and Mum and Dad's wedding and just so many awesome memories.  I'm going to give it to Mum for her birthday which is only a couple of weeks before Dad's anniversary of his passing so think it is an awesome time for it.  It will make her cry, but know she will love it too!

Court I just love getting your posts, you are so up-beat and great at reasoning everything - thank you for that!  Lovely to hear that your Mum is doing so well.  I look forward to hearing about the 70th birthday celebration planning!  Yes sounds like you guys have had a 'hard' winter brrrrrrrrr!  Keep warm!

Well I'm off bye for now....

Hello everyone,

I'm still around, looking in, checking up on you all!

Court,

I'm hoping for good results for your Mum, that you can all enjoy her birthday and your holiday and that the 3 years will be bettered.

Jules,

Tell your Mum to stop cleaning, it never goes away!  My perspectives have changed entirely since Nev died.  Things that would have me climbing the wall now don't even raise an eyebrow, I have decided that most of the things we humans stress about are just not worth the effort, so, I no longer stress over them.  I'm quite a laid back, anything goes Ann now, much to my kids amazement!

I've just been on holiday in the West Country (sorry Jules, you'll have to google it) fortunately the weather behaved.  I now have to get to grips with rehearsing for a play I am in in April, which, as I seem to have the memory span of a goldfish, is not proving very easy.  I also have to sing "Falling in Love Again" complete with german accent!  All in all I'm chugging along just fine, it's strange not having Nev around but I am coping with it far better than I thought I would, (even managing to get through the house renovations).  I think the fact that I have never minded being alone helps.

Oh well, gone nine at not a child in the house washed!

Take care all

Much love

Ann xxx

PS anyone heard from Jacqui (Jash)?