I am getting a cybernetic bum... no joke... (POLARiS Study!)

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So, I mentioned last week that I was going into the POLARiS study which is a two year long randomised medical trial of various treatments for Low Anterior Resection Syndrome, aimed at actually finding treatments that are effective and managed, as opposed to the current system, which is try anything and hope you don't crap yourself every time you leave the house.

I saw the people running it yesterday to fill in the first of a long questionnaire about my digestive system, which I need to do every three months for the next two years. They then assigned my treatment randomly. The trial now has me down to receive up to two years of Sacral Nerve Modulation to study the effects and how to refine its use as a treatment. I am glad, as the other option I could have ended up with in this study was FAR more unpleasant - daily enemas would be a huge chore, and a messy one at that! Sacral Nerve Modulation (which they are calling SNM, which sounds like S&M, so yes, I now get S&M on the NHS) involves a implant at the base of the spine which will modulate the nerve signals that control, amongst other things, the butt, and all things connected to butts and butt functions. I am being given an electronic implant that will control my arse. So. Cybernetic Arse! There will be a trial partial implant for a couple of weeks (date of this being fitted TBA) and if it works ok, an operation for a permanent one to be implanted.

I want my super powers. I have been exposed to chemicals, and radiation, and have had no powers. Third time has to be the charm, right???

The LARS group I am in on Facebook has been very supportive and interested in these results. I am not going to lie, this won't be fun. The two weeks with the temp electrode will also mean I cannot bath or shower, and as baths are the primary core of my pain management, it won't be fun. Also, I am pretty allergic to most medical dressings and adhesives, so I am undoubtedly going to end up with an unpleasant rash. (After my second major cancer surgery, someone used a dressing they were not supposed to. My torso exploded in horrible boils. The scars from the dressing are worse than those from the surgery...) There are dressings I can tolerate, though, so I hope they will use those.

Maybe this helps me, maybe not. But if being a guinea pig (or science experiment stoat?) can help others get some relief and quality of life improvement from this study, I am absolutely going to do it. I never expected to live as long as I have, so I want to use the time I have been given to HELP, in whatever small way I can!

Updates to follow!