End of treatment feeling numb

I totally understand, I hope things get better for you both and I’m sure they will

i finished capox end of October last year

I can relate to how you’re feeling. Similar story for us with my husband having emergency surgery and stoma formation, then 6 months of chemo. Finished 3 weeks ago and like you we thought we would be elated…but in reality we feel much the same as you. And not seeing the chemo unit staff each week felt like a big wrench particularly to my husband. Such a lot has changed since the cancer diagnosis, and in reality I suppose it’s not surprising that this new stage feels strange again. It will take time to adapt and find our way forward. And of course time for our husbands to rest and regain strength. I do wish you both all the very best. 

Thank you so much for your reply. I think for me particularly the awful stuff like resus when they weren't sure he would make it he has no memories of and I have busied myself caring for him since but now that is easing those thoughts and images of what we went through are coming back In dreams and panicky feelings. 

I hope you both find your way in this strange new place we find ourselves. Always here for a chat, it's so good not having to explain how you feel because people who have gone through similar just get it and understand. 

Take care ♡

Thanks Nicky, I hope you are gaining strength and feeling more yourself. Thanks for replying it feels a bit lonely where we are and being signed off from oncology we feel a bit cut adrift as we had really good care and the team were really supportive. 

Take good care of yourself, spring is nearly here, we are so looking forward to better weather. 

Take care ,♡ 

Hi, DlFarmgirl , I think everyone feels like that to a greater or lesser extent. Please read a paper about this that I'm going to tag Kareno62 in so she can put the link in (please) . Let friends and maybe work read it too. All the very best.

Thank you for your kind comments. I too hope you will both find your way. We feel the same about being “adrift”…we are in between discharge from oncologist and re-referral to surgeon. As I said before, losing contact with the lovely oncology nurses was a big thing. 

Your experience of resus and being so scared for your husband must have been hard for you. Being so busy since then and in survival mode has probably kept the memories at bay, but now that you have some breathing space it sounds like they are having a chance to resurface. And because your husband didn’t go through that part with you maybe you can’t really chat it through with him or want to upset him with it? I found that I desperately had to talk and have someone listen who would just let me get the emotions out. Thankfully I found Maggies. Nearest one to me is Cheltenham. They offer free support for anyone affected by cancer, and I had 6 online counselling sessions which really helped me at the time. You can find out more about Maggies via Google.

I wish you and your husband a better day today, and I’m always here for a chat too. It’s a bumpy road and as you say, to talk to others on a similar road can help. 

Thanks for sharing that. It’s so good to read positive stories. All the best to you. 

Hi Farmgirl. Here’s a link to the paper that Gemmary mentioned. 

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

I can definitely remember feeling the same. The oncologist said she never wanted to see me again and my hubby and I hugged her and left. Felt weirdly deflated and when I rang my mum to tell her, she was worried it was bad news and asked why I wasn’t sounding happier! It’s still early days for your hubby yet as the chemo will probably take a couple of weeks to fully leave his body. The paper above likens this to part 3 - the convalescence.

I read quite a good book which described it as being like a boat journey. Everything is going fine then you hit a storm and the boat (your body) takes a battering. You make it to shore and the people there patch your boat back up. You then set sail again and they wave you off from the shore (your end of treatment) and you’re alone in your boat again. You’ve lost a bit of confidence in your boat and you’re worried about the dark clouds overhead but you make it to the next port, your boat is checked over and it’s fine and off you go again (your follow ups). You start to regain confidence in your boat again and the dark clouds seem further and further away. Gradually you start to enjoy your trip a bit more and the worries lessen.

Cancer can be life changing for many different reasons and everyone reacts differently to the aftermath. Give it time to come to terms with what you’ve both been through and you could also see if there’s any after support from your local hospital like a Maggies centre or a follow up course on moving on from cancer? 

There’s also some great posts on this board and you’ll see that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling

 Life after cancer forum 

Hope this helps - we’re here if you want to chat and so is the helpdesk if you want to speak to someone in person 

Take care

Karen x

Hi. My own chemotherapy came to an unexpected and abrupt end when I was blue-lighted from the clinic where I received chemo to A&E following the onset of limb seizures and a rapidly raising BP that topped out just shy of 300! Having read your post, in some ways I can see that was perhaps a blessing as I never experienced the lost feeling and maelstrom of emotions following completion of chemotherapy you describe. Don’t think I ever had the time as I had to deal with a whole new set of problems - I was subsequently diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND).

It certainly changed the way my life looked (I can no longer drive) but hasn’t stopped me living it and in time (and once all the chemo residue has dissipated from your husband’s body) I sincerely hope you and hubby can get back to living your best life.

All the very best.

Maninbath

I'm so sorry to hear about the FND I am a therapist at a children's hospital and I have 3 young people with this awful condition. I really hope that you also get good quality of life back and I hope that in time there will be a cure for FND and other neurological diseases.

Thanks for replying.