hi not been on for a while since i had full diagnosis i have felt so lost and so very tired have locked myself away have been having panic attacks have been signed off from work until all my treatments finish as i cannot concentrate on anything . Have got to start Chemo on 5th Jan for 6 sessions i think? i am still overwhelmed by it all so not sure i have taken it all in . Then straight into radiotherapy and chemo for 5 weeks it came as a big shock to me how bad it was i have a large tumor and some cancer in lymph node which has not intruded into rest of body , hence why chemo to zap it away . i am just so scared i suppose its the unknown at the moment and the waiting around to get started is immense . I try to take myself out for walks , trying to keep active but i am not sleeping at night which is the killer ,I sleep for a few hours wake up crying then have to get up so to not disturb hubby . does anybody else feel so alone .? I have so much family and friend support i think that has overwhelmed me to that so many people care and that said i can rely on them if needs be . its nice but just need to talk to someone in the middle of night when i cant sleep who knows how i am feeling or who is just there to listen to my teary conversations at 1am or 3am in the morning when i feel crap . sorry for the long message just feeling totally lost .
