General moan

Hi Kel sug,

I know how you completely feel, I had the same thing done to me over months with my husband. It is awful that they are suffering, but it is really hard as their partner to deal with. You can’t do right from wrong, whatever I did was wrong, from asking him About food to other things.

I felt that it was the tiredness that made him really snappy after a good nights sleep and sleep during the day he was better.

I got my friends husbands to call him without him knowing so he could talk to them about things, that did work. I got him puzzles to keep his mind off things, that helped too.

I called MacMillans a couple of times as I couldn’t hack it, they said it was normal for cancer patients to lash out. My husbands personality is finally getting better after 10 months. We got told last week he’s cancer free, just waiting for a stoma reversal.

call them if you feel down and no where to turn too, they are lovely and very understanding.

I really hope things improve for you soon.

keep strong as much as you can if not go for a walk or meet a friend for a chat.

take care.

sandra

Hi Kell. You rant all you like - that’s what we’re here for. Sandra has summed it up really well. I think deep down it’s frustration and anger with the cancer and you’re the nearest kicking post. Apart from feeling out of sorts from the treatment he’s probably frustrated that he can’t do the usual things and maybe sees you having to do more? 

As you probably know, I was the patient and I hated seeing my husband coming in from work and then having to make tea (with me constantly changing my mind about what I fancied) then doing all the household chores and shopping - I felt so guilty and frustrated.

It is hard for the carer as all the focus is on the patient but you are the one keeping everything going behind the scenes. Check he’s ok, ask him if he needs anything, then go out for a walk/ have a long bath/ meet a friend for a coffee. Hopefully he’ll realise that he’s upset you and try and be more mindful. Could you explain to him that he’s upsetting you and ask him to open up about how he’s feeling? 

Hope todays a better day

Take care

Karen x