Hi everyone,
I’ve posted on this forum a few times and fortunately, it seems like the cancer and treatment journey for my mom is coming to an end.
She completed her rounds of chemo and radiotherapy combined then a month ago went in for her surgery. Her bowel was removed and now has a permanent stoma bag, something that she is still coming to terms with. But she will get there.
Her consultant and doctor gave her some good news last week, explaining that there were no cancer cells left in any lymph nodes and she will not need any follow up treatment. The nightmare is over and she needs to focus on getting better and strong again.
I just can’t believe it? How did that all happen so fast? (She was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer in November 2022)
I don’t know why- maybe it’s because I live in Australia and I’m so far from home- but I can’t believe it, I still haven’t accepted that the cancer is gone. I keep crying every night thinking it will come back, googling chances of recurrence and planning my move home to spend with her. Does anyone know the stats / chances of recurrence? I’m afraid to trust google.
I am also so aware that everyone’s journey is different and really don’t want to be insensitive as I know we are extremely lucky.
Thank you.
Hello TinaTina
I am very sorry to hear that your Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer but pleased that her treatment was successful.
It must have been a whirlwind for you both and in my experience the NHS sure doesn't hang around. I think it is natural to get caught up in the day to day tests and diagnosis and treatments that you don't really have time to catch your breath. I think it is the same whether it is you it is happening to or a loved one. My son certainly went through it with me last year. Living in Australia would have made things more difficult for you as although there is face time etc it is not the same as being there day to day. It adds further stress to yourself I think. It is natural to want to come home to be with her after all of this.
Your reaction sounds perfectly normal to me. I think once the cancer has been treated it is when the time to process it all starts. For me it was a bit of an anti climax really. All the daily hospital visits stopped. Most of the medication stopped. And it was like, lets get everything back to normal. I don't think there is ever a back to normal after cancer, it is such a hard thing to go through for both you and Mum. I have 12 weekly check ups and cancer is never far from my thoughts. Its like a constant fear that the cancer will come back. I think that is normal for most of us.
Mum's journey is not over, although the cancer has gone she will still be monitored and will need support to manage her stoma. That's pretty life changing.
I would try not to google- a lot of the information out there is inaccurate and out of date. I will post some Macmillan links for you that may be of interest. The information from Macmillan is regulated. No one can give you a prognosis for Mum regarding recurrence other than her own doctors who know all her medical facts. Even then it is not set it stone. You are right that everyone's journey is different but its you and your Mum's journey that is now important.
There is counselling available if needed but I found myself the best thing was to keep sharing how I felt with friends and family and accept that there is no right or wrong way to feel for either of you during this time. Go with the flow. Take one day at a time and plan some nice things to do together when you get home.
It is great that Mum has had a good outcome. No one really knows what the future holds. My last year certainly proved that. If am to get a recurrence I will deal with it when it happens. I am trying to keep as healthy as I can and if I have any symptoms I will get them checked out straight away. In the meantime I will try to enjoy life again, manage the treatment effects and look to the future with hope.
Here's some links that may help you and for you to support Mum............
What is a stoma? | Macmillan Cancer Support - some info to help support Mum with stoma and where to get further support
(+) Ileostomy, colostomy and stoma support - Macmillan Online Community - a forum offering support for people who are managing a stoma. It may help if Mum is needing any support with coming to terms with hers and managing it day to day.
Emotional, financial and physical help for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support- some links that may be useful
Follow-up care after treatment | Macmillan Cancer Support- will explain what follow up care Mum may have.
I hope this helps a bit and I wish you and your Mum the best
Jane
