Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Thanks Maggie!

As I always say it's good to have this forum to come on to and everyone just gets what you're going through. I still can't cry but have a horrible numb feeling as though the pain is eating away at me inside and I just seem to function on autopilot every day just now but slowly learning just to get on with things. So glad we're here for one another. Sending my love to you all too. 

Vicky xx

Evening ladies

i find myself talking to Kevin a lot more now and looking at his picture on the wall when I’m talking to him. It’s a comfort but some days are good now and I have realised as you say Vicky this is the way it is now so have to get on with it. Not easy some days though.

Pauline hope things are going along and when you have the cremation and meal you will be able to start moving forward a bit. It’s definitely not an easy route. 

been for a six mile walk along the coast today with Sally, I find it does me good getting out in the fresh air and out of the house.

Take care ladies chin up

Helen x

A bit of feeling sorry for myself this morning granddaughters have asked for keepsakes of their granddad. The eldest one collects cameras and I had said she could have his camera that he got when he retired. It’s a decent one and I’ve just found it and realised I want to hang onto it. Kevin wasn’t one for jewellery and couldn’t wear a watch so apart from his beloved sports card and a few things there isn’t a lot of personal things. So I am going to keep it and she will get it eventually, didn’t think I would get so emotional about it but sitting here crying my eyes out  also asked if Kevin’s mam would like some of his ashes and she said she would love some so sorted that this morning too. These things are really getting to me now.

Have booked to take our son and daughter to Spain for a couple of days next month to sprinkle ashes so hope Paul is well enough to go as feel he has been missing out as he isn’t able to do a lot and Sally has done most for me. 

Sorry for the depressing note but feel better putting this down - hugs to all you ladies

Helen xx

Hi Helen I have already told everyone when the time comes I will be bringing Simon home so I can talk to him as normal we laugh because he never answers me now so it won't be any different. Fresh air is the answer isn't it to help get out the house think winter will be dreadful hopefully we will have a late summer I would love to live by the coast would be walking the puppy miles love to you x

Helen you really wouldn't be normal if you didn't have bad days or even weeks it is the personal stuff that brings back memories as well you do what makes you feel ok and if today you want to cry that's good to hugs to you

Have you thought about having some of the ashes made into jewellery or a small keepsake? I know that some people think it's a bit grim but for others wearing a necklace or ring that contains their loved ones ashes can bring some comfort. The way you're feeling is natural so don't be too hard on yourself. If you can get up every day, you're doing ok.

Cheryl x

Hi Everyone!

Bit of an emotional day for me today. Was over at the caravan and amazed myself that I actually drove on part of the motorway was bag of nerves but  William and Nicole were with me and Myla too and William kept in front of me in his car all the way. I lost sight of him a couple of times but mind but did try to tell him this is my first time doing this so little bit nervous but got there and back in one piece miraculously. That's the caravan gone now. Cleared out everything I wanted to bring home with me I have boxes sitting in the middle of the floor in my living room I can't even be bothered to start unloading tonight and will do for tomorrow. A little piece of Jay has been left there though and managed to scatter some of his ashes too. The couple we got friendly with who were in the caravan behind us arrived just as we were leaving so managed to speak to them before we left. They came to Jay's funeral as they live in Glasgow too. So I'll have my memories of the place but will miss it but just couldn't carry on with the upkeep of it on my own and it wouldn't feel right being there without Jay. They have a `no letting` policy as it's mainly an owner only site so I couldn't do that to pay my bills ground fees, water rates etc. They offered me a reasonable price for it though but what they gave me they will probably double that when they go to sell it think that's the norm. Yes, the ashes for jewellery is a good idea. I have a locket with some of Jays in it. Had a little cry when in the caravan crying for the dream I need to give up and crying for Jay because I just feel he never got to enjoy it to his capacity when he retired with so much illness going on. Just got Wednesday to get over now with my sister's colonoscopy. A busy week coming. Take Care

Everyone 

Vicky xx

You are doing so well and that’s another hurdle over with sorting the caravan. The more you drive the confident you will become. I am driving everywhere now and can’t imagine not driving. Got probate sorted now so the only thing left for me to do is think about the sports car which Sally would love to have except it’s quite expensive to run and if there are repairs would be prohibitive so before the insurance is due again will have to do something. It goes into the garage for the winter wrapped up so it will be next year.

Hope it’s good news for your sister on Wednesday and something you don’t have to worry about.Maggie how you doing? 
Helen x

Morning ladies. 

vicky you are doing really well and give yourself a pat on the back. Remember one day at a time. I have so much stuff of Les it is unbelievable and he is still collecting things. Good luck for Wednesday and I will be thinking of you.  

chalet that is my daughters wishes to have a ring or necklace and she has said that since she was about 20. 

Helen I can’t believe how far you have come in such a short time. You are all so brave.  I hate driving as I don’t concentrate enough or to wary of other drivers  I do drive but short distances and I need to know how to get there first  

Jkee I do hope Simon is a little better and puppy behaving himself. Daughter is getting a rescue greyhound when they come to check home and then they will try and match family with dog. 

les has just gone for 9th session of chemo and youngest daughter has gone this time. No results yet from MRI.  I am at the GP today due to trigger finger, only sent an econsult in yesterday’ and they replied straight away. Had a lot of headaches so went to opticians again to get a spare pair of glasses.  Took my old glasses as I like them and nearly fell over at the lense price £615.00 Contributions welcome. The headaches etc is grinding my teeth due to anxiety. I must learn to take each day as it comes and try to relax instead of being constantly tense. 

hugs to all Maggie xx

Morning everyone trying to get through to doctors's number 23 in the que Simon has a mole on his arm that is crusty and bleeding and he is find his joints are really bad the colorectal nurse gave us a number to ring for people after Chemo that effects the joints and hands phoned them but they said short of staff so only helping people after radiothology so again fobbed off so when I mention this morning to him about this mole should I book a appointment he said yes WHAT he said yes so he must be worried he is going on his own when I get through so I hoping he will chat to the doctor without  is due bloods on the 1 September because his bloods markers are rising let's just see. Love to you all wonderful people xx