Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Oh Helen I have no right to be so upset when you are king through so much trauma yourself. As I said before I can’t imagine what you are going through and without Kevin for support. I watch tv in bed and that keeps me from going into overdrive.  I am sending you a huge hug.  There are no words of comfort but I am thinking of you and everyone else. Just keep on here and vent.  Sending all my love xx

Oh Ladies, ladies. I've just caught up with your posts. My heart goes out to every one of you. I'm not much of a hugger either but will if I think it's needed not much of a talker either Maggie and as you say you can just let go when you come on here. Helen I wish I could cry and I feel that it would give me some sort of release your reiki person is right in what they say. Yes it's when you're in bed at night your mind races. No matter how tired I am I feel I just can't drop of to sleep and it can take a while. I have my sister staying a couple of days because it's Easter but really I'd be as well being on my own for all the company she is. I get a break from walking the dog and she does the dishes for me after I have made dinner but that's about it. I know she can't help it and it's the way she is and at the end of the day she is my sister so just is what it is. I had the wee one at the weekend so that cheered me up a good bit. `The Easter Bunny` came to my house brought her a mermaid doll that has a tail that lights up so she was all chuffed with that and a set of other little dolls so when her dad came to get her on Saturday she couldn't wait to show him what the Easter Bunny brought to grannie's house for her. I'd rather get her something like that or something to wear other than a chocolate egg i'm sure her mum and dad would have got her enough of those. I'm sending hugs to you all and thinking of you all. Stay strong ladies. 

Vicky xx

Hi Vicky. I bought clothes for mine as they love matalan and will only go for clothes with me and her mum. I let them choose so they are happy. I have done it for years and they both had their Easter clothes on Sunday and were really happy. Obviously the 4 year old chooses her own and the 7 year old as they would not wear them otherwise. I went because I was not happy with Les having a go at me so I text Lucy and spent 2 hours out. That was nice for a change xx

I just caught up with the posts since I last replied on here. Big hugs to everyone, sorry to hear you're all going through so much. It's good we can cone on here and let it out. 

Last Monday at 2am, the hospital called me cos my dad was deteriorating, high potassium levels, water retention ,all thanks to the bowel cancer spreading causing issues to his kidneys, liver and lungs. I thought he wouldn't make it through the night, there's a palliative care/hospice unit in our hospital, they moved my dad there cos it wasn't safe to get him home. The doctors were giving me leaflets about end of life and reckoned he's very close to the end. My dad is so strong, he managed one week before he started to deteroriate last night. The night shift nurse who was here last night was surprised we are still here. My dad is such a fighter, unfortunately this will be a los8ng battle at some point. 

I'm so exhausted, haven't slept much this week cos I've been spending nearly all my time at the hospice. 

Distraught and Jkee, my dad can get into bad moods too, especially this past month since he's been in hospital. Men! They can lash out cos they can't handle their emotions. I hope you're feeling better today Distraught. It's not easy. It's like treading on eggshells sometimes. Love keeps us going! 

Tory, so sorry to hear about your son. You must be exhausted! I've noticed my hospital doesn't give up on patients easily. They've been trying to control my dad's potassium levels for nearly a month despite him being terminally with cancer. The palliative care had to intervene to reduce the number of tests/further investigations my dad was getting. It is a dilemma, quality of life or more time. It's so hard to see a loved one suffer. A relative went to the extreme and told me she's been praying for my dad to die soon so that he suffers less. I wasn't impressed, didn't know how to respond, that thought has passed my mind but wouldn't actively pray for it. I just have to let nature take its course and go with the flow. 

PattyK, lovely to hear from you. Glad you had a good Easter, you're such a great sister and granny! I've tried reiki, it's a great way to release emotions. Hope you can find a way to let out your emotions! 

Look after yourselves everyone. The hospice nurses are so nice to me and keeps on reminding me to look after myself. I've only left my dad for about a total of 15 hours this week. I probably wouldn't get much sleep tonight, I feel like I have to be present when my dad takes his last breath.to be with him till the end. I'm surprisingly calm, I've reached acceptance, I've had a lot time to prepare myself. But I'll be brawling like a baby when the time comes. 

I'm too tired to check what I've written, excuse my typos. 

Keep plodding through, big hugs to you all. 

Hey Fallingleaves!

Nice to hear from you too. Good that you have accepted that your dad has limited time left I couldn't accept it and just kept thinking it was happening to someone else. This time last year was the more or less the beginning of the end for my husband Jay. He fought so long and just took everything they could throw at him. His death certificate was described as having chronic kidney failure due to enlarged cancer tumour so the cancer had just more or less spread everywhere. I was a bit in denial that he would get better and things would go back to some kind of normality but of course that didn't happen. He even spoke of things he wanted to do when he got better but the advancing cancer along with several bouts of sepsis finally put paid to that. I still feel I have a lot of grief to come out. I'm just over 9 months in from losing him and I feel I just haven't been able to grieve for him I haven't had that one big tsunami of tears yet and I feel weird because it hasn't happened. I've had some counselling which has made me feel that bit better but I just still feel `lost` and empty. I did enough crying when he was going through his illness- thought I would never stop at one time but since he has gone nothing. Shed a few wee tears here and there but still feels as though it all hasn't come out yet. I think because just two months after he passed my sister got a bowel cancer diagnosis too and so this shifted my focus on to her going back and forward to hospital appointments with her etc and she finally getting the op to removed her tumour which was thankfully very small so caught in it's very early stages and no chemo or radiotherapy was needed post op. She is getting stronger every day and has been told she will more or less make a full recovery but with her learning difficulties and mental health issues I don't think she really comprehends just how serious her condition was. Sad to say but she `revels` in all this getting attention so her being in the hospital she would have looked on getting attention. Pre op she had to get 6 units of blood because she was very anaemic so they took her in a few days before her op to do this. So it's kind of bittersweet for me that she is still here but Jay isn't. I just try to contend myself that his fight is over and he is in no more pain. My best wishes to you and you take care of yourself- this is something everyone keeps telling me too. 

Vicky xx

So sorry to hear your dad is nearing the end and it is exhausting but you won’t want to miss a minute at his side. I didn’t realise the palliative team could intervene on car at the hospital so it’s given me something g to think about as feel Paul has had enough and yet they still keep prodding and poking i hi I’m etc to get his potassium levels done etc. will speak to them after Paul has this op tomorrow if it doesn’t help at all.

sending you a massive hug for support

Helen x

Fallingleaves nothing I say will make you feel better but a big virtual hug. You too have to look after yourself as well to make sure you are well.  I am thinking of you and my thoughts are with you.

vicky I can’t believe it is nearly a year but you have had a lot on your plate to cope with since jay died. You too take care. 

helen keep fighting as you are strong like Vicky having to cope with Paul’s illness. Keep us informed of his operation and fingers crossed. 

Jkee have you heard anything yet about Simon. I am praying it is better news. 

can I say you all write beautifully with words and how you put things. I am not very good at all probably because I don’t read just sudoku.

i am thinking of you all at this very very sad time. Lots of love maggie xx 

We have been going a long while Maggie since we started this thread and things don’t seem to get better but we are hanging on - just gotta keep going day by day

Helen x

We have all been together since the start. Torry we are all hanging by a thread and keep going day by day. 

lots of love maggie xxx

Maggie well done for going out I did the same Easter Sunday spent 2 hours with my grandchildren away from home was lovely you need to keep doing it just to catch your breath xx