Change the discussion around Terminal Cancer

I think that we need to change the conversation and language around Terminal/End stage cancer, After all none of us are getting out of this life alive. Surely we should be celebrating the achievements that someone has lived their life well, Yes its sad that they have passed and Yes its horrid that they had cancer but I don't think that should be the defining memory of someone. If they lived their life well then surely they never lose the battle.

Yesterday my friend Eve passed away from incurable Goblet Cell Cancer. Today her page is full of post saying she lost her battle, but this is how I choose to see the passing of my friend.

She did not loose her battle she won, and I believe this because when she was diagnosed with this horrid incurable form of cancer, she was told that she had between 6-12 months to live, she lived on for a further 2 and a half years. Just before Christmas last year she was told she would be lucky to see Christmas, she did get to celebrate Christmas with her family and carried on living for a further 6 months.

Oh boy did she live, she raised over £50,000 for Cancer Research UK through so many different events that she organised, she won several awards for her fund raising. She travelled and spent time with her family & friends and did all the things that made her happy, all the time with a smile on her face, even when things got tough for her.

When I was first diagnosed, Eve and I met in Starbucks and talked about what had happened to both of us, I’ll never forget the looks on peoples faces around us as we talked very openly about this horrid disease that was affecting us both.

She told me I had one of 2 options; I could let this disease stop me from living my life and slowly let it eat me from the inside out or I could choose to make the most of every opportunity that came my way and live whatever life I have remaining the best way possible. She was also keen to point out that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, so I’d better make the most of today. I think you all probably know which option I chose.

She told me all about the Chemo (CAPOX) I was going to have and told me I had to send her pictures when I had my hand spasm, as when it happened to her, she looked like he had T-Rex hands. Over the further 18 months she continued her battle but was always there to support me and help me through the days that weren’t so good, and I needed someone to talk to that had a shared experience.

Many times, she kicked me in the arse and stopped me feeling sorry for myself or over thinking things, normally by making a joke or just being brutally blunt about it but I loved her for that.

Yes, my friend has passed, I’ve cried and I’m sad but because I will not have her to talk to, but she will continue to kick me in the arse on those darker days. Her kindness, determination, love for life & spirit will very much live on in all the people that she has helped and touched in her life, and I consider myself lucky that I got to call her my friend. I will always have a special place for her in my heart.

Therefore, I believe Eve did not lose she very much won the battle as she did it her way and to her timeline. I think everyone could benefit for being a little more Eve #BeMoreEve