Hi all, thank you for accepting me. My husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer. At present I am not accepting it, it makes me feel sick, panicky, shaky etc. it was a complete shock. Anybody else in the same situation. Many thanks
Jay retired 4 years ago and since then it has been nothing but hospitals, clinics, GPs oncologists. We have never seemed to get a break. Happy retirement, eh?? All this for a man who worked 50 odd years with hardly a sick day in his life he very very seldom took sick days off always wanted to `soldier on` even with stinking colds and flu's going out at all hours of the the day and night to work. He was never in a GP surgery or a hospital except to maybe just visit someone or when I just had William and that was 30 years ago- and even then, I think he would come straight from work. He was always joking about the GP having to look for his file and asking if they really do have one for him. Lived to work, not worked to live thought he was `Mr Invincible` and now he's paying the price. People did warn him years ago what would happen but being so stubborn, just didn't listen. Took after his dad he was a workaholic too his mum was just happy when his dad was out the house making `pennies` for her to spend. Sorry folks I'm starting to get `bitter` now and all the anger is starting to come out. It's the old cliche `why me`, why us`? what have we done to be punished in this way. We're good people always ready to lend a hand when we can live by the rules etc and there's lowlifes walking about out there who steal, kill, abuse you name it, and nothing ever happens to them apart from getting their day in court and some of the time walk free and go back and do what they did before. Don't think I could live like that, but for some it's a way of life and at times life can just be so cruel.
Dear patty I agree with everything you say. It is so annoying. For the last 7/8 years we have done nothing but do a round trip of of just over 2 hours and then every night when his dad and then his mum was ill. We did not have time to ourselves at all and his sister just took her card off her as she had retired with no money when aged 60. She is 62 now. She spent about £500 a month on his mums card. It cost us a fortune in diesel but would not take a penny. Now she has passed it is all going to probate and when hubby had 5 mins to himself he went to the GP in January and this is the result. Sorry I had to get that out in the open with all the anger I have. We moved and the bungalow is still not finished. I doubt it will now as hubby keeps saying I will do it so I can’t get anyone in. I am so frustrated and angry and as you say this was our time. His sister has been on loads of holidays paid for by his mum. She was horrid to her. I think stress has a lot to do with it as he was stressed to hell and stress at work as well. Rant over. Sorry everyone for the rant but I am still distraught and angry with everything. Let us hope we have a better day as the sun is shining. Love and hugs to everyone. Maggie x
I can relate to what you say too Maggie. Not to speak ill of the dead but Jay's brother and his sister-in-law (no longer with us) were a bit like your sister. They had the big house, flash cars etc and apparently some of it was funded by hubby's mum. They always spoke about wanting his mum and dad near them so they could look after them- looking after their bank accounts more like! His brother seemed to be the `favourite` with his mum and if he asked for something, he got no questions asked. When hubby went to his mum for something he said it was like the spanish inquistion, why do you want it what and do you need it for. Money was another thing if he asked for a loan she wanted it back if big brother asked seems it was forgotten about. And he and his wife were the ones who were `fleecing` her. That's why I think Jay (my husband) was more for his dad he would never see him stuck. When I had William they never even came to the hospital to see me but I believe his sister-in-law said to Jay's mum `don't forget you have another two grandsons` as if she was going to put all her attention on to William. Jay's dad doted on William and he was always giving money to his mum to go out and buy things for him. I had to tell him to stop doing it but I was so grateful though because he always made sure he had the best of stuff. All that changed of course when Jay's dad passed away and he really felt that. His relationship with his mum was a bit toxic and when she passed, he said he just didn't feel anything. So I guess this goes on in all families. There's the `haves` and `have nots`. Cancer took his brother and his dad so I don't know if this is the genetics coming into it they sometimes talk about if there is a history in the family. His brother had oesphegal cancer but don't know what type his dad had just know they both got cancer. It took my mum and dad too. My dad had metastatic lung cancer and my mum had bowel cancer but when my mum went 27 years ago most of the treatments now I believe were not available back then. My dad passed 11 years ago this month (April) so ironic that Jay is fighting his illness this month now and this is why I am so bitter and angry at the whole cancer thing. My sister had it too 4 years ago they found breast cancer with her in it's very early stages and managed to get it and she has been in remisson since and I can't help but feel a bit of resentment there because she is ok and hubby is not. It just seems to follow us around.
Gosh patty. It does sound like most families go through this with siblings. All I ever wanted was hubby but his dad and mum came first. It is so sad. I saw a counsellor privately because of the toxicity with his family and now we all have this dreaded dies hanging over us. All I want is hubby to get better and not losing weight and being tired. I love him so much. I dare not even go out with him in case he is poorly. I feel so selfish about it. My anger has gone I think but will rear its ugly head next week on his 3rd round of chemo. I do wish there is was more I could do. I do need to talk to someone about it instead of burying my head in the sand hoping it all goes away. My thoughts are with you all as usual. Maggie x
I get you Maggie! I want my hubby to get better too but doesn't look like that is going to happen now. He's stuck with the cancer unless they can come up with an alternative to chemo for him so- and I can't believe I'm saying this- his time may be limited. They're pleased with everything else the infection and such but it's knowing they may not now get the cancer at all. I'm just going to be on a `countdown` now wondering if he'll still be here next month or the month after that etc etc. going like well that's another month gone and he's stil here. Just so so unfair.
Patty I do feel for you. Just been for a walk with hubby and he looks dreadful. He has a terrible headache so I have told him to take some paracetamol but he won’t. He looks so drained. We have to wait until after his 4th chemo for a scan of his liver and bowel. Dreading that. It is just awful seeing them like this. Today I have coped but tomorrow who knows. I really wish I had family around who could just call in. It is so lonely and there is a lot to do which I can’t. As always thinking of you all coping. Maggie x
I am so sorry to hear to about your husband, and it sounds as though his cancer was like mine near to the rectum so I had chemo/radiotherapy and am left with a permanent stoma. To be honest I had the op last October, and now am so used to the stoma it is just second nature. I know it is something no one would choose to have, but I made the decision it was something I have got to live with and just get on with it. Having treatment and an op is not a pleasant journey for any of us to have to go through, but in most cases there is a light at the end of the tunnel as I found out.
Yes it sounds similar, as his has spread to the liver they want to try and get that controlled first. I would give anything to get to the stage where he was having the op for the stoma. I've been really struggling to cope since we found out on Wednesday. I'm not really sure if my children properly understand as aside from being tired and going to the toilet more he seems OK. I need to keep myself in the present, im a worrier and I'm constantly jumping to worst case scenario. I'm lucky I have a few close friends to talk to and even though my husband does I am worried he's not talking about how he's feeling. We have an appointment on 24th in Velindre (we live just outside Cardiff) to discuss what treatment will look like-not quite sure how I'm going to get through the next week!
I'm so glad there was a positive outcome for you. A stoma is a small price to pay. I hope you're doing well now x
Hubby’s is 5 inches from his Anal and does not cope with going to loo. It is 35cm but not sure about his liver sizes. They said it has not spread anywhere else. How did you cope with emptying your bowels Mary v did you have to take laxido. As usual love to everyone xx
