Dealing with diagnosis.

Hello Brownie26

I have been where you are and I think although it's not as intense as it was I'm still there in a way. My husband is the one going through bowel cancer he got all his cut out last January (2022) but unfortunately 5 months down the line it was back. I asked if he needed post surgery chemo and was told no it wasn't necessary. Since then he has gone through more chemo but it had to be stopped because it caused some damage to his kidneys and this resulted in a nephrostomy procedure and as well as his stoma, he now has to wear two bags either side of his back to collect urine draining from his kidneys. He was recently in hospital with sepsis and is currently recovering from that. His oncologist has told him he can't get back on chemo at present because he is still recovering at home from sepsis which can take a few weeks or months to clear. There is help out there though if you need it. You can come on here and speak with advisers they're here up until 8 at night. You can phone them or do an online chat whatever your preference is. There is also a facility to go on and speak or again have an online chat with a nurse who can put your mind at ease and there is the forums as well where you can connect with people. I come on here regularly and I have an adviser who phones me occasionally to find out how I'm doing. I have had counselling myself in the past. I got on to my GP and was prescribed some Diazepam tablets but when I tried to get more I couldn't get an appointment so I contacted NHS24 and they put me on to their counselling service and I got phone counselling for a couple of weeks.

You do all you can for them. I feel guilty at times with my husband and angry with him for now being as he is but I know its not his fault he didn't ask to get cancer.  He has always been so happy go lucky and the cheeky chappie type but that has all gone for now. We always have a lot of banter between us but that seems to have gone too. Now and then it comes to the fore and then I know that he is still in there. Yes and it does seem everyone seems to just go about their day and everything is `hunky dory` with them and you ask yourself why can they be like that and everything is so trivial compared to what you're going through. They're good on here though there will always be someone to give you information or where to find information and most can relate to what you are going through. My best wishes to you both Keep coming on here if you think it will help. Take Care. 

Vicky

Hi Brownie26  and a warm welcome to the board. Gosh you have both been through so much and it’s totally understandable to have such a mix of emotions. You sound to have a lovely strong relationship so please don’t underestimate the support that just being there will be giving your boyfriend. 
There is a board for carers which you may find helpful and the support desk on the number below will be happy to chat with you or just listen?

 Carers only forum 

Please keep posting and let us know how you’re both doing - sometimes it helps to just talk with others who know and understand exactly what you’re going through

Take care

Karen x

I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend are going through this . I must also say how incredibly brave you were to decide to have a termination. You have to cope with that decision and supporting your partner with his cancer journey. One of those things would be enough to send a sane person mad but coupled together very hard to handle. Anger  is maybe the way that your subconscious is coping with everything that is being thrown at it. I note that you say he is remarkable but you are also amazing. Be kind to yourself, try not to let anger colour your life as you have a strong relationship and with your open and honest partnership, you will get through this. I am sending positive vibes to you and you really are so brave xx

Hi Brownie26

You have both been through a barrage of info and diagnosis to deal with and haven’t had chance to process any of it. 
I feel for you both. Just get through as best as you can and if you feel like crying eating chocolate or meditating do anything to get through. 
It’s so tough supporting each other I’ve found after fifty years of partnership we are strong for each other even on the darkest days. Our bond is close and we have always been a heart beat away from each other. We don’t need words it’s just intuitive. That’s years together in the early days we were like you two. Hold each other and be kind to each other listen and share 

You may need to have some counselling to help your trauma that you’ve been through. The GP can give six sessions of CBT which is very beneficial to ovoid post traumatic stress so please contact your GP to give them the heads up on you situation. I found at one time when my son had a spinal I had to be with him he had a neck injury but I had a sixteen year old daughter and a full time job 

My GP new what happened I saw her after surgery she gave me medication and sick notes for six months. It got us through. I lived in Salisbury my family in southwest but we got through. Get as many support networks as possible and keep talking 

I’m sending you a hug. I really hope that I have over spilled too much 

take care xx