Do we all dream of miracles?

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Hello Lovely People.

I haven't dipped in for a while but having just finished a video consultation I felt I needed to talk.

I am on BEAM, my second line of treatment as 5FU and Avastin failed within weeks.

I am lucky - my Stage 4 BRAF positive Bowel Cancer has been stable for nearly 12 months. The word remission was used a short while ago. By the oncologist!

I am still feeling strong and well despite treatment related tiredness and pain and I asked him what we might expect from the upcoming scan.

I wanted him to say: shrinkage of the scattered cancer - but the best we can expect is that it remains stable and that it is unusual that the cancer shrinks after this length of time. Stable would be absolutely fantastic of course but a secret little corner of my being was hoping for the miracle.

I just wanted to share as I am feeling sorry for myself. Big girl pants back on and onwards and upward

Here's hoping for all our own miracles.

On the good side - I am back in the saddle - cantering and jumping and building up to my beach ride.

court over 2 years ago

Hi Saddlediva

I would think that’s an entirely human response and I personally call my mum the eternal optimist . Even after 14 years into the process she still thinks of the most positive outcome imaginable. But that does not mean she does not deal with the reality of the scans when she need to .

Only today she was saying how nice it would be if her treatment eliminated the cancer . I was trying to say it only has to keep it stable as she has a good quality of life and this one targeted agent is much more doable but still I could see in her eyes she was still hopeful .

The bigger part of me loves that she does and I am 100% convinced it’s the inner push that keeps her pressing on .

That is fantastic that your back in the saddle . That’s brilliant .

I could see my mum’s GP clocking she did not want any assistance from me today and chuckled at her determination . It can take you a long way .

So glad this is working for you and I am sure your oncologist would love to be proven wrong .

Court

Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

Mel M over 2 years ago

Hi Saddlediva, what a great name by the way. I think it is the dreaming which keeps us sane/strong on this treatment journey. Everything crossed that your prognosis remains stable, bit apt really as you are a horse woman!!! I really admire that you are still carrying on with your hobby, and wish you a long life xx