Things people come out with

Wow, people never fail to surprise me with their insensitivity . A cancer diagnosis for anyone is devastating without these "people" weighing in with their ignorant comments. This was one of the main reasons that I only told my inner circle of family, friend, colleagues to minimise the opportunity for people to offer their "wisdom" like they were at the forefront of my treatment journey. I have been so fortunate with my reaction to my treatment where I look well but was still asked if the treatment would make me lose my hair . I just respond, it will grow back and its a small price to pay to get over this blip in my life's journey. Unfortunately it is human nature and people will always tell you the worse case scenarios they have heard of without taking into consideration what you are going through, this is a poor reflection on society but something we all encounter ever day. 

I think you have a wonderful daughter and I think on each occasion she has stepped in, the offending person got off lightly. Ignorant people also need to be reminded that there are many non cancer life conditions which require life maintenance where I am sure they would not offer their words of wisdom to.

From one warrior to another warrior, I am so proud of you, don't let ignorant doubters cloud your inner peace, they are the ones with the issues not you

Sending love and hugs Mel xx

Good on your daughter!! 

a favourite reply of my own is ‘ do you think that’s really helpful?’

it may cause an awkward moment when you see the clogs turning and the penny drop …and hopefully the person will think twice about saying the same thing to another in the future . 

I was lucky with most friends but one said on hearing my diagnosis and treatment plan "sorry but I cant support you as my empathy bucket is empty:"also pointed out that I wouldnt be able to go swimming with a stoma.little did she know as it is perfectly possible..

I suppose some people dont know how to react but it really isnt helpful

Kath

Katz … I’m flabbergasted regards empathy bucket reply… I’m actually shaking my head in disbelief at a person saying this    Hug to you 

I was lucky with everyone else and have had lots of positive vibes.the person who wasnt very pleasant has now moved away and I wish her well in her future life.you cant let these things eat away at you and have to accept that some folk never have any problems or hiccups in life.But these things sometimes make you stronger once you have dealt with them.

Well thats my thought for today.

Kath

I’m actually glad I limited the amount of people I told I had cancer, and especially the type. There is a LOT of stigma around an hpv driven cancer and I found 2 close friends surprisingly unhelpful. One because she implied it was my own fault, and one because she turned overnight into a dr Google expert to regale me with stats and outcomes. Neither were helpful, and I no longer engage with the Google expert. 

My elderly neighbour knew I’d been diagnosed with cancer and asked me when I was having my breast off, the assumption being that because I’m a woman only breast cancer was a possibility. I just said hopefully never as I don’t have breast cancer! 

Sarah xx

I was very open about my diagnosis but not sure that was a good idea.I might have been better being a bit more choosy about who I told.you certainly find out who your good friends are dont you.then there are those who presume you are fully back to "normal" once you have had your treatment.and of course the doom mongers who know someone who had the same but not a good outcome

Good job we can come on here for some sanity

Kath.

Absolutely agree Kath. I’m glad I was choosy, but even then a couple of friends surprised me and I wish in retrospect I had kept quiet! I didn’t tell people in general I had cancer until after my chemoradiation was complete, and when it recurred I didn’t say what surgery I was having-never even told my in laws, who to be fair never even asked. So very few people know I have stomas for example. 

The assumption that you are back to normal is very common, and not the reality but people who haven’t had cancer don’t understand this at all. I got tired of being told I should be glad to be still alive, and that I was now “all better”. I do keep my mouth shut now except to my closest friend. 

Sarah xx

Well I can not believe what I am reading. Maybe I’m more isolated living in a village and set back off the road and I don’t have to mix much. But honestly it’s just gob smacking that people can be just rude. 
Like Kath said it’s really good to air these experiences here 

Stay strong Warriors. 
xxx

My sister had breast cancer and had chemo. She was in a queue waiting to be served when a woman said “is that your real hair!”

Taken aback she replied “No!”
“So what you doing here then “

She replied “trying to get a coffee before my next chemo treatment “

The cafe was in the hospital which was the main chemo treatment clinic in Bristol 

She was really upset as she felt uncomfortable anyway with her wig and it was early days  once full into her treatment she didn’t bother wearing it most of the time  

She had her guard up after that if anyone said anything she’d fire back but that meant she was stressed going out